Somewhere only we know
by PebblesRipples
Summary: I live in your heart as a distant memory. When the things that disturb you are blown away, buried beneath your dreams, deep in your mind, we find ourselves again.
1. Chapter 1

**Author note**

**Hello. This is my first fanfic and I'm a little anxious about it, but I'm kind of excited to share this story.  
**

**Although samcedes seem to no longer exist, I still love them and wanted to explore the pairing in this AU story.**

**I hope you enjoy it. **

**Disclaimer- I don't own glee or any of its characters.**

_**I live in your heart as a distant memory. When the things that disturb you are blown away, buried beneath your dreams, deep in your mind, we find ourselves again. **_

_Sam's muscles ached as his feet pounded the tarmac, matching the rhythm of his heart against his chest. The crisp autumnal air barely entered into his lungs, after running for what felt like hours. The crowds were building and his pace slowed as he started impatiently squeezing past people. _

"_Excuse me .. sorry…thank you" he found himself saying constantly as he edged his way through the mass of individuals._

_His head was throbbing again and he could feel he was losing time. The nearer he reached his destination, the more the crowd seemed to swell._

"_Oh God please don't let it be too late" he sighed_

_Steadily manoeuvring his way into the centre he could see the car she would enter into._

_She was already there, dressed in a sparkling sapphire gown with a white shawl over her shoulders, signing autographs, waving to individuals in the crowd._

"_Mercy! MERCY!" Sam called. It was futile –he was just another fan calling her in amidst the swell of well wishers._

_He needed to get her attention. Sam looked at his watch- 7:36 he had three minutes._

_._

"_MERCEDES!" He shouted again and for a minute, as she was smiling gracefully signing another notebook, it looked like her back straightened and her head turned slightly in his direction before returning the notebook to the enamoured young man wearing a "Forever Mercy" t-shirt._

_Sam looked towards the gathering of screaming fans and well wishers, knowing that somewhere hiding amongst them was the person who was about to seal her fate and change history._

_7:37 He had two minutes left. Sam didn't care. He broke from the crowds and onto the carpet, aware he would have only seconds before he would be bundled away by her body guards._

_There were shouts as he pushed passed her entourage shoving burly men out of the way with unexpected strength and energy he found himself with. _

_Sam could see Mercedes was startled by the commotion, her eyes looking up in his direction she seemed to pause in recognition at him. Sam smiled as with a final push he was infront of her, he held her hands._

"_You- Have- have to get inside...now" he pleaded_

_She looked at him confused_

"_I'm sorry?" she was startled by him but her eyes flickered with some distant recognition._

"_I know I must seem like a psycho stalker fan... but you have to listen to me… before it is too late"_

"_Too late?" _

"_Please you're not safe here… just get inside your car" he began to push Mercedes towards her limousine. _

_In response to this forceful action, body guards grabbed him holding him back from their charge. In the commotion two shots pulsed through the crowds, Mercedes tumbled to the ground. Screams and shouts underscored the activity and filled the air._

_Sam Evans screamed from the vice grip of the two body guards that held him back from her, the rest rushing to Mercedes Jones, the fallen star._

"_Noooo! Mercedes! Nooo!" Unable to save her, unable to cradle her, the tears in his eyes blurring his vision._

Sam woke up with his hands clutching tightly to his sheets. He inhaled deeply, loosening his grip, before exhaling again forcefully.

He could never save her no matter how fast he ran or how hard he tried to explain. Sometimes the details were different, the colour of her dress, the style of her hair, how far along the red carpet she had walked, or whether she was surrounded by two body guards or more. But it always, always ended with her collapsing onto the red carpet and him helpless to stop it, feeling like he himself had died.

Yet the truth was: he didn't know her. He had never met or seen her before in his life. Yet this woman it would seem that his mind had created, persistently haunted his dreams.

He threw over his covers and checked the time, it was 4am. Perhaps he could return to sleep, it was a Saturday after all, but he knew he'd probably spend the next few hours tossing and turning anyway.

So he got out of bed, and shuffled to his kitchen, as he pulled his head over his red sweater.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much for the encouraging reviews and favorites/follows. I'm really enjoying writing story and there's lots of ideas in my head- so hope that whilst it does seem intriguiging :) I'll be able to translate what's in my head onto the page! Thanks for coming on this journey with me.**

**Chapter 2: Dreaming Men are Haunted Men  
**

Sam poured the hot water into the teapot that Stacey had given him just over a year ago. They had decided to celebrate Christmas early, after being given the news that the treatment was no longer proving effective. Stacey somehow managed to secretly order presents. The teapot square in shape with its marbled sea blue pattern, was accompanied by a set of similarly designed cups and a black velvet sketchbook.

Sam allowed the tea leaves to steep in the water, as he remembered her words that day by the beach.

"_I know a stupid teapot and sketchbook isn't much, but I gave it to you to take time you know…to smell the roses…you know- you don't have to be the big responsible older brother all the time- and when I'm gone… I want you to find a way to be you. I'm proud of you and grateful for all the sacrifices you made. I love you Sammy... now enough of this gushy stuff". _

He felt so proud of her, and yet so guilty – that he could let Stacey worry about him.

She died a week later.

When all was said and done, after the funeral and all the extended family and friends returned to their lives and the silence entered into his home like an unwelcome visitor, he brewed his first pot of tea in Stacey's teapot. There were no roses to smell, but there were wilting white lilies and a deep hollow space in his chest. He was surprised at how easy it was to pick up her sketchbooks and the pencils that had been forgotten beneath old files of blue prints and medical insurance papers and draw again.

He drew freely, in a way that he hadn't in a long time- long before college, long before internships and promotions and long before death and illness seemed to hang over his life. The images weren't of anything in particular; some were doodles, sketches, one of Stacey as he remembered her as a child and Stevie and his parents watching over him. As he continued to draw they grew more fantastical, stars and planets and made up faraway places. He drew until his lids were heavy and the night carried him off to sleep at his desk.

That was the first night he dreamt of _her_.

Sam poured his oolong tea into the matching cup as he remembered how surprised he was by how vivid and real it all seemed- it always seemed so real.

The first time he dreamt of her, he thought about it for the rest of the morning. He wondered about how strange the dream was. He even Googled "Mercedes Jones" wondering if he had seen her before somewhere, but apart from pictures of people with their Mercedes Benz he didn't really find much else. So he got on with the rest of his day, walked Munchies, Stacey's glossy chocolate Labrador- well now his glossy chocolate Labrador, and didn't think about it much more after that. But then he was awoken again by the same dream the next night, and the night after that, and after that.

Then, one night, it stopped suddenly. The dreams weren't exactly disturbing, but they were still troubling. He should have been relieved, but it was just that he strangely missed them too. For a whole week, he woke up disappointed that he hadn't seen her, feeling like he had lost a part of himself, like in some strange absurd way, he had abandoned this woman by no longer being able to conjure her up in his dreams.

The night it came back, he woke up laughing and crying. He concluded that he must indeed be going insane.

So he decided to see a therapist about what was happening. The softly spoken red head, suggested that it was probably stress related and maybe something to do with his bereavement. Maybe he was creating a fantasy to disappear to; and maybe when they stopped suddenly it represented all the things he'd lost or yearned for. She suggested working through his grief first, then when he was ready, to start to live again – to find the things he really wanted to do.

Sam sighed at himself now. It wasn't that he didn't try to take on the wise words of Dr Pillsbury, but these things were always easier said than done and even if he was trying heed them, he wondered if it really was making any difference. Over a year later he was still having the same visions at least a couple of times a week. Whilst had become used to them, it did start a new obsession.

Sam took his teacup to his desk, and switched his work lamp on. He flipped through his sketchbook, looking at the drawings of her from different angles- they were good, but still weren't quite right. It started out as a way of trying to work through what the dreams meant, like trying to expel his demons, but the more he did it, the more he found himself compelled to capture her exact likeness.

He began to work at a new image, and sketched and drew until an hour had passed. He tried to shade her large doe eyes and include the twinkle he often saw, it just always looked so dull whenever he drew them- just not the same as how they really are. Really are?

"Argh!" Sam slammed shut his sketchbook. Munchies eyes lifted momentarily before she curled herself back on the window seat, where she liked to sleep amidst a pile of cushions and woolly blankets, indifferent to her master's strange nocturnal activities "I'm crazy Munchies"

Sam threw himself onto his bed and closed his eyes. Before long he was there again, trying to run after her, trying to find her, hoping to see her and save her again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks again for reading and reviewing. A bit nervous about this chaper.  
**

**Edit- I just reread it noticed some typing errors and tried to adjust- sorry if there are still any more. The details of the chapter are still the same.  
**

**Disclaimer: Glee and it's characters are not mine.  
**

**Chapter 3: The Transformation of Things**

Mike Chang looked over at the door from his clipboard and the piles of boxes and packages that surrounded him as the bell chimed, smiling at the familiar face that entered his grandmother's tea shop.

"Morning Sam!" He greeted cheerfully from behind the counter.

"Hey Mike. How's it going?" Sam replied looking briefly at the Chinese ink painting on the wall just above Mike, of a sleeping old man with a butterfly flying over him.

"It's alright. Just helping Grams out with this new stock whilst Chloe's at ballet. How are you?" Mike scribbled some numbers on one of the pages on his clipboard before focusing his attention on his friend.

"Not too bad…Just stopping by before I take Munchies for a walk in the park" Sam looked around the tea shop, picking up a packet of tea and reading the label.

He could see Mike study him from the corner of his eye, as if unsure that he was satisfied with the answer. Mike had been a friend for a few years now and whilst he was grateful for his support during some of the hardest years of his life, sometimes he felt that Mike and Tina watched him too closely, as if guilty about what happened- or maybe they were just protective of him. As he had been isolating himself more recently, he knew that Mike was also probably more concerned about him. He could see him hesitate before speaking.

"Hey… do you want to hang out this evening? The missus is at a work conference this weekend. We could grab some beers and play some video games? And I know Chloe would love to see you?"

Sam didn't want to neglect his friend and in the last few months all he seemed to be doing was going from work to home. Deep down inside, he'd rather spend his free time working at his drawings. Then again maybe he was spending too much time in his own head.

Mike watched Sam's face transition between uncertainty and a decision. His face dropped as if expecting Sam to decline the offer.

"Sure... Mike that sounds great"

Mike's eye brows raised in delighted surprise

"YES!" He slapped Sam on the shoulder

Sam laughed and playfully flicked his arm away.

"Okay so come around seven so you can catch Chloe before her bed time- then I am gonna kick your butt Evans"

Sam rolled his eyes.

"Yeah right…that's fighting talk coming form _you _Dr Chang"

XXXX

Chloe ran to living room and threw her tiny arms around Sam's waist as he walked in.

"Uncle Sam!" she shrieked.

"Hey Chloe."

"Daddy said you were coming …Where's Munchies? Have you got me a present? When are you coming again?"

"Chloeeee…. You need to give Uncle Sam a chance to catch his breath…" Mike called out as he walked in from the kitchen.

"It's alright.. It's been a long time- she's just excited" Sam smiled and picked the little brunette up, swinging her round in an exaggerated embrace which made her giggle before putting her back down. He handed her a giant pencil with a pink feather on top.

"Wow! Thank you Uncle Sammy!"

Chloe ran out of the living room shouting "I'm coming back I wanna give you something.." as she disappeared down the corridor to her room.

"Sorry about that little tornado. She's been bouncing around since I told her you visiting. Please make yourself at home… everything is still pretty much in the same place"

Mike smiled and handed his friend a drink.

"Thanks Mike" Sam's smiled although his eyes narrowed slightly at the same time sensing a change in Mike's demeanour.

"You know Sam…"

"Mike…"

"Please let me just say this then I'll shut up"

Sam made eye contact with Mike. Here it comes.

"Well…I know things are tough- especially with Stacey gone. Look I just want you to know that you're not alone- we're here for you."

Sam sighed and nodded.

"It's cool Mike… I know… thanks"

Chloe charged in once again.

"Uncle Sam this is for you…." Chloe handed Sam an envelope as she climbed onto the sofa pulling Sam down to sit next to her.

"Aww! For me? Why thank you sweetheart… I wonder what it is!"

"It's a surprise!" she squealed, her short pigtails bouncing.

"A surprise?"

Mike smiled and shook his head.

"I don't know… when she heard you were coming she got all excited and said she wanted to draw you a picture"

"Open it!" Chloe urged clapping her hands.

Sam opened the envelope and pulled out a folded piece of paper.

"How exciting!" he smiled at Chloe before carefully unfolding the paper he'd removed.

The smile on Sam's face faltered slightly as he took in the picture that made his heart nearly stop.

"It's a princess butterfly angel for you!" she beamed.

Sam broke his gaze away from the picture and looked down at Chloe, forcing a wide smile.

"Thank you so much Chloe. This is an amazing picture. I'll always keep it"

"Don't be sad uncle Sammy."

Sam swallowed hard struggling to find any words to respond.

"Thank you sweetheart" Sam hugged the little Asian girl in a warm sideways cuddle.

"Okay Lolo time for bed." Mike interjected.

"Ohh.." Chloe frowned.

"Say goodnight to Uncle Sam"

"Goodnight Uncle Sam" Chloe got up and ambled back to her room.

"Goodnight Chloe" Sam waved goodbye as father and daughter walked hand down the corridor.

"I'll be with you in a minute Sam"

Sam looked back at the picture Chloe had created. She had filled the page with colour, in the centre was a woman wearing a sapphire gown with sliver glitter, and dark curly hair down to her shoulders. She gave the woman vibrant butterfly like wings with all different shapes and coloured sequins stuck on, and large brown eyes. Her skin was a mocha brown. And she seemed to be floating in a black night sky with gold stars stuck around.

It was just child's drawing. A beautiful colourful child's drawing. Yet he also didn't like the feeling of how familiar this "butterfly angel" was.

Sam was still staring solemnly at the picture when Mike walked in, unaware of his presence.

"Sam..? Sam? Sam you ok?"

Sam blinked, tearing his eyes away from the picture and looked up at Mike.

"Sorry dude- yeah I'm …ok"

"Are you sure? I walked in and called your name a few times and you didn't answer- something wrong?"

Sam was about reassure his friend, but he knew that Mike could see through him

"You know… actually I've got this enormous headache that's crept up on me… I'm sorry to do this… but is it ok if we do this another time?" He knew it was stupid to make up an illness given that his friend was a doctor but he didn't know what else to say and he needed to get out.

"Why don't you crash in the spare room?"

"No- No it's fine ... I think I better just get home.. you know take some aspirin.. rest up.."

"Ok Sam whatever you need"

Sam was grateful that Mike didn't push too hard.

"Thanks Mike…and sorry… we'll do this properly again…"

"No problem"

The picture still in his hand, Sam folded it and put in his pocket, grabbing his coat from the hallway and made his way to the door. Sam opened the door and turned to Mike.

"Sorry Mike…See you later yeah?"

"Sure! See you soon…hey Sam?"

Sam stopped short of exiting the doorway

"You know- I meant what I said earlier, right?"

Sam paused and nodded before walking out of the door.

XX

Sam went straight to his sketches when he got home. Taking the folded picture out of his pocket, he opened it again and studied it. He knew it must have been a coincidence … Turning to the pages of his own work, visions of his own dreams, he couldn't help but see a similarity between them.

Had Chloe seen this woman? But wouldn't Mike have said if he knew a Mercedes Jones? He once told Mike about his dreams- about running after a woman called Mercedes Jones- wondering if she was a real person he might have seen or of if he was losing it. Mike didn't really seem concerned by the details of his dreams- more that they were recurring and affecting his sleep. It was Mike who had suggested Dr Pillsbury.

"I watched way to many Sci-Fi movies in my time…my imagination is starting to draw lines between dots that aren't there…" he muttered to himself.

Sam folded away Chloe's picture slipping it between the pages of his sketchbook and turned to a new page. He took a piece of charcoal in his hands and closed his eyes, seeing an image of her gazing up at him, her eyes sparkling.

"Mercedes Jones..." he sighed "Whoever you are … whatever my mind thinks you are… I need to let this go… I need to let you go... whatever you really mean… I can't live like this… I don't think I'm helping myself …I have to find a better way to move on"

He began to make marks into the paper, letting his heart instinctively guide his hands lightly across the page, just feeling his way gently, without question or judgement. If he was going to make this his last drawing of her he was going to just let it be, not force it. Rather than trying to capture her, imprisoning her essence in an image, he would just let himself _be_ with her. Smudging and smoothing the charcoal, etching away, letting him self be free.

When he finished his monochrome image, he marvelled at her hair tumbling to her shoulders, her voluptuous figure draped in a flowing gown, her lips, large and luscious curving into a soft smile and her eyes with their distinctive almond like shape, framed by long lashes, sparkled brightly.

"Why there you are Mercy" he smiled.

XX

_Sam walked along the path beneath the maple trees, the cold air sweeping between their branches, chasing away the few leaves left clinging to them into the air. Dark grey clouds gathered above him and the wind picked up speed. He sensed the rain about to fall and could see a sheltered area, a marquee on a raised platform, near the lake and decided to head over there. _

_He realised that there was a figure already sitting there as he approached. Stepping tentatively, he decided to sit at the further end of the stone bench, so as not to disturb the person, who he now realised was a woman huddled in a blanket. _

"_Sorry maa'm- is it alright if I just sit here for a bit? It looks like it's about to rain and…"_

_Sam's words trailed to a stop as the woman looked back in his direction startled. She seemed to stare right at him. He didn't realise it was her at first: her shoulders were encompassed by a large patterned blanket which hid away most of her frame, and a black beanie over her head meant that he could only really see a part of her face. He first recognised her lips though they were a frown and her button nose. But it was her eyes that reminded him, large, warm and brown, only now its lustre was dimmer as they pierced through his own._

_He stood frozen, unable to speak. Was this really her? She seemed different to last time he saw her, more lost and vulnerable. She looked away from him to the other side of her, over her left shoulder and behind her, like she was trying to locate something. She shook her head as if chiding her self and continued her meditative gaze upon the lake. _

_Sam couldn't believe she was sitting right here, right in front of him. Had he really just found her? Was she really here?_

"_It's you isn't it?" words finally seemed to come out._

_She looked back in Sam's direction this time standing up abruptly. The woman looked behind her again and to her left then right, clutching the blanket around her more tightly._

"_You're Mercedes"_

_This time she gasped and began to walk away, down the steps, towards the lake, gathering the blanket around her._

_Sam wasn't sure how to take her reaction and started to follow her._

"_Please don't go away… don't be scared- I just want to talk to you..."_

_She started walking faster, looking behind her and then shaking her head. As she picked up speed the blanket loosened around her, and she tripped on one of its corners that had draped on the floor, sending her falling to the ground._

"_Are you okay?" Sam rushed to her side, kneeling near her and held out his hand to help. _

_But she didn't look at him or take his hand._

_As she tried to pick her self up, she paused and looked at the lake, staring into the water. She then looked in Sam's direction, and back down at the lake and started to cry._

Sam opened his eyes, having once again fallen asleep at his desk, he was greeted by the moonlit charcoal image of Mercedes, that he had drawn a few hours ago, smiling gracefully back at him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks again for continuing to read this story. I know there are a lot of questions and hopefully some answers will start to emerge. **

**Chapter 4: Synchronicity**

There were no more visions for Sam that night. After dreaming of Mercedes by the lake, he woke up with his neck and back aching from being hunched over her picture at his desk. So he went to his bedroom and flung himself on his bed, sleeping soundly for the rest of the night until late into the morning.

When he rose, he felt like a new person. It was the first time in months that he had slept so soundly. He went out with Munchies for a brisk jog in the park, and spent some time adjusting his blueprints for work the next day.

He was doing well at not remembering. He was just about to settle on reading an extended newspaper feature on the Large Hadron Collider and what theoretical questions scientists hoped it would answer, when he got a text message from Mike:

**Hey Sam! Hope you're feeling better after yesterday. Chloe says hi. We're off to pick Tina from the airport. Let us know if you need anything.**

Then it hit him. Mike. Chloe. Chloe's picture… his picture. Then flashes of the lake filled his mind. His dream. How did he forget that?

For the first time in over a year he'd had a different dream. It was still a dream of Mercedes but it was different. He had tried to speak to her, but she was afraid…afraid of him. Why would she be afraid? Sam wondered. He was chasing after her then she fell. She was upset. She didn't appear as the shinning glamorous star he had come to know her as from his recurring visions, she was more withdrawn, lost.

Sam responded to Mike's text.

**Feeling much better today thanks. 'Hi' back to Chloe. Got a few minutes for a quick chat? **

Sam's phone started buzzing a minute after the text was sent. Sam answered immediately.

"Hey Mike"

"Hey Sam. Glad to hear you're feeling better!"

"Thanks… sorry again about last night"

"Don't mention it... So…er… what was it you wanted to talk about?"

"Yeah… do you remember those recurring dreams I told you about a while ago… you know about this woman who's like on the red carpet…about to get shot and I'm like there trying to stop it happening somehow?" Sam felt odd talking to Mike about the dreams again, it was strange the first time he ever did and as much as Mike was always trying to let him know him and Tina were there for him, he was sure this was something that even they didn't really know what to do with.

"Oh yeah…you started having them again?" Mike asked a little concerned.

"Actually… I never stopped."

"Oh…" Mike was silent for a moment and Sam decided to let that news settle "Are you still seeing Dr Pillsbury?"

"Yeah.. yeah I am… but look Mike what I wanted to say was…last night..I had a different dream."

"Oh…wow…ok.."

"I mean its good I think…but"

"What is it?"

"It's still of the same woman…you know… 'Mercedes Jones'…"

"Oh…"

Sam was not sure what to make of Mike's minimal "Oh" responses. He figured he must just be processing what Sam was saying- and to be fair it was a pretty unusual topic of conversation.

"Yeah" Sam said to fill in the long pause.

"So what do you think it means?" Mike asked, suddenly sounding like he was talking to a patient.

"I don't know... I wanted to ask you.." Sam scratched the back of his head and wondered if this was a good idea.

"Well …. I'm not a psychiatrist…but.. maybe Dr Pillsbury might …er..When are you seeing her next?"

Sam could feel things getting awkward as Mike stumbled on his words.

"Um…Thursday…"

"And your sleeping…do you need something to help with that?" Mike was on doctor mode. Sam had known Mike since he'd just started his residency and sometimes it was an automatic response to certain situations.

"Um…no …" It was Sam's turn for minimal responses he sighed and tried to regain control of the conversation "…Actually I slept really well last night… I guess I just wanted to talk it though with someone…"

"Yeah… of course. Yeah that sounds like things are moving in a good direction…but you know I'm not the expert on that so I guess just see what Dr Pillsbury says and you know take it from there…"

"Yeah…ok….yeah…" Sam hesitated before taking his next risk "One more thing... you know Chloe's picture…ok this is going to sound really odd but…"

"What is it?"

"It's crazy but… the butterfly angel princess she drew kind of reminds me of the woman… in my dreams…" Sam worried that he could be crossing some line he shouldn't have.

"Mercedes Jones?" Mike asked seriously.

"Yeah! Crazy right?" Sam said anxious about how his friend was going to respond to this.

"…Wow… some kind of coincidence that is!" Though slightly shaky, Mike seemed to take it ok.

"I know I'm just reading into things now!" Sam decided that he'd got this far he may as well go for it "I mean… she's not like a real person or something.. is she? Maybe you guys somehow knew and just forgot about or something?"

Mike's laugh was a little sudden but a welcome relief for Sam to hear, before he found the words to respond to the improbably wild suggestion.

"Well ...as far as I'm aware Chloe made that picture up all by herself- quite the imagination- gets it from her mom I'd say… Maybe you creative types just go to the same places in your dreams or something" Mike quipped.

"Hah!" Sam smiled "Don't think I don't know about you're creative streak Chang"

"Yeah, Yeah so I like to dance Mr Two Left Feet…" Sam shook his head over the phone as Mike continued "Well speaking of creative…I'd better get going to pick up Tina. The pair of them are excited about putting up the Christmas decorations together… Anyway we'll talk later ok… and I hope things get better …with the …sleep and all"

They said their goodbyes and agreed to catch up soon.

Sam reflected back on his conversation with Mike. Maybe it was just a coincidence and he was just reading into it all.

He looked at the sketch he'd drawn the night before in his sketch book and couldn't help but admire it, admire her.

She seemed so real last night. If she was a real person, he would have worried about why she was so distressed when he'd found her again, why she had been sitting alone by the lake. He would have tried to understand, maybe even to make it better, somehow. But no matter how real she seemed, Mercedes Jones was no more than a dream.

XXXX

_She sat on her own, a blanket over her shoulders and eyes glazed, staring out onto the lake. The maple leaves scattered across the path by the wind, the trees mostly bare and lifeless now. She dabbed at the moist spot in the corner of her eye. It was stupid. She knew she should grateful. But how could she possibly embrace life when she felt like she had cheated death? _

_Leaves stirred in the air, picked up by the sudden increase in the wind speed. The temperature grew colder and the slate coloured clouds above her thickened. She could not go inside yet. She needed to see the rain fall onto the lake, to see that still, lifeless water, reflecting back her own emptiness, disquieted. _

_So patiently she waited, clutching the blanket around her, sheltered by the marquee, until a deep yet gentle voice grabbed her attention suddenly._

_She looked in the direction of its owner but saw no one there, neither to the other side of her behind her or anywhere else. _

_There was no one there. Her mind was playing tricks on her._

_She barely settled back into her thoughts when the voice returned sending her standing upright to attention, as it claimed to recognise her. But still she could see no one there to own it. _

_It was a male voice, and though gently inquisitive, it was not familiar like her father's or brother's, who she thought it could have been at first coming to urge her back inside given the change in weather._

_Then the empty space spoke her name. _

"_You're Mercedes"_

_Her spine seized and she gasped in response. _

_It sounded so real, but there was no one there. She was imagining things. Maybe everything that had happened had finally caught up with her. Her mother had warned her about disappearing into herself, and now here she was finally losing it and hearing voices that were trying to make conversation with her. Enveloped by the blanket, she began to make her way back down the marquee steps, back to the house, somewhere where her mind could be calmed by a wilful distraction._

_The voice had other intentions however, it asked her not to go away, it urged her not be afraid. It wanted to talk to her._

"_Yeah like I'm going to _that_" she thought. _

_Looking behind her she realised how silly it was that she was running away from her own mind. Yet she had to get away. She couldn't allow herself to be affected like this. It was already too real._

_Then she tripped. The large blue and white blanket that enveloped her had got caught up in her feet, with her hands wrapped within them there was not much of a chance for her to get her balance. _

_She tumbled onto the path beside her own startled reflection on the lake, painfully staring at her._

_The voice was now concerned and wanted to help her._

_She almost wanted to applaud her subconscious for creating such a charming character, if it was not so alarming. _

_Then she saw it: The image of a blonde white man in the water. He was looking at her reflected image, kneeling near her and holding his hand out._

_She looked to her side unsure of what she wanted to see there. But there was no hand reaching out to her, no one crouching towards her, nothing but the chilly air and path leading to where she was sitting a few moments ago._

_She looked again onto lake. The man was still there. A reflection without a source. His piercing green eyes concerned, maybe even perplexed looking at her. _

_It was him._

_She couldn't stop the tears falling. Everything she had been holding back all came so suddenly. The memory, the shock, the realisation. The sense that she was losing her grip. And now she sat wondering what it all meant._

_Rain finally fell from the threatening clouds above, the cold drops tumbled down suddenly and quickly, obscuring the image on the lake. He was gone now._

"_Mercy! What are you still doing out here honey?"_

_Mercedes looked up, wiping away her tears._

"_Mom" she whispered in response to the older woman, who shielded them both with a large umbrella._

"_Oh sweetheart… lets get you inside"_

XXXX

**So our first glance into Mercedes' point of view.**

**I hope it wasn't too dialogue heavy with Sam and Mike- there are reasons for it but it may still have been drawn out.  
**

**The next chapter is on it's way very soon!**


	5. Chapter 5

**I hope you enjoy this next chapter. Thanks again for reading.**

**Glee's not mine**

**Chapter 5: The question of being**

Sam had spent the evening trying to avoid drawing 'Mercedes' by focusing on drawing work related things instead.

He recalled his conversation with Dr Pillsbury earlier that day about trying to cut down on depicting her, and he thought he might give her suggestion a try. Although there were two problems with her advice, firstly whilst granted there was probably some kind of a connection, between drawing her and dreaming about her, he was not quite sure how the link worked. After remembering his new dream he had started to sketch her intently again, based on how his newer visions of her. He'd produced another half dozen pages of images of her staring on the lake, the moist eyes, her tears when she had fallen. But for the rest of the week, he didn't have any more dreams of her, not even his recurring vision or of anything else. Secondly, deep down inside he was ambivalent about the dreams stopping altogether.

He only wished that someone could appreciate how alarmingly real the dreams felt for him. Dr Pillsbury attempted to assuage him with comments about how powerful the mind was, making dreams feel very real, and that we can be led to believe many things that our mind convinces us of.

Sam was then left with wondering as he always did, about what it all really meant, if anything at all.

It was as this point that Dr Pillsbury had mentioned something about lucid dreaming to Sam. He remembered how her large doll eyes seemed wider with excitement as she suggested something that might be a little unorthodox.

Sam had heard about lucid dreaming before, about when a dreamer is aware that they are in a dream, and some can even interact with the world of the dream. Although curious Sam was also a little frustrated by the suggestion, given that he had only just explained how real the dreams were, that he often does not know he is dreaming until he wakes up.

Then he remembered her words at the end the session.

"Something shifted in this last dream right?... You knew you needed to talk to her…you even recognised her from your last dream…so maybe some part of your brain knows where you are…and maybe that's the part that could ask her.. who she really is … What it means?"

Sam filed away his work for his meeting the next day, mulling over what was possible. He spied the sketch book which beckoned him to open it and shook his head, as he looked for something else to distract him.

He walked around his office tidying and filing away papers that he no longer needed. Then he readjusted the rug on the floor. He stacked some books on his shelf that were in a pile in the corner of his office. He fluffed up the pillows on the couch that was previously occupied by books, pens and his guitar.

He looked at the guitar which he hadn't played in years, probably not since the accident.

He picked it up.

"Been a long time Amber" his name for what was once his prized possession.

Tentatively he strummed a few chords.

"Ouch" he grimaced, it sounded awful.

He turned the tuners, plucking every so often, until it gave the sound he wanted.

"Better" he felt nervous now, though there was no one to watch him, except a typically sleepy Munchies, it had been six years since he last played.

He had always envisioned, when he was growing up, that he would either draw or play guitar for a living. Life being what it was, he went on to study architecture as that seemed a more promising and acceptable career prospect to those around him. So playing the guitar remained a past time. Then when his parents and Stevie died, he couldn't ever imagine picking up the instrument again. He had to be there for Stacey, he had to focus. He dare not feel. All his creative energy was channelled into looking after Stacey and focusing on his career.

He began to play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Then he played another tune.

"Don't stop believing" he laughed to no one in particular.

The he sighed and let his fingers find the next song as he started to sing.

**If I walk down this hallway tonight it's too quiet  
So I pad through the dark and call you on the phone  
Push your old numbers and let your house ring  
'Til I wake your ghost**

He strummed a few more keys and stopped, and looked at the time. He had an early morning meeting the next day, and he didn't really want to fall asleep in another unusual spot again so he got himself ready for bed.

_XXX_

_Sam followed the melodic voice to a room with a baby grand piano._

"_**Let him walk down your hallway  
It's not this quiet  
Slide down your receiver  
Sprint across the wire  
Follow my number  
Slide into my hand."**_

_He recognised her instantly this time, she wore a burgundy knitted sweater and black leggings. Her was hair tied up away from her face, high into a bun. Her fingers moving effortlessly over the keys. Her eyes were closed as she felt the words she sang. _

"_**It's the blaze across my nightgown  
It's the phone's ring**_

_He stood quietly watching her as she continued. Though haunting, her voice was musical nectar. It's sweetness like a healing balm on the deepest scars in his heart. He fell into her words, mesmerised._

_**I think last night, you were driving circles around me  
I think last night, you were driving circles around me"**_

_Unthinkingly Sam began to join her, harmonising with her singing._

**I think last night, you were driving circles around me  
I think last night, you were driving circles around me**

_Mercedes opened her eyes momentarily. She reclosed them tightening her lids, and sang deeply and loudly, _

"_**I can't drink this coffee  
'Till I put you in my closet  
Let him shoot me down  
Let him call me off  
I take it from his whisper  
You're not that tough.**_

_**It's the blaze across my nightgown  
It's the phone's ring.**_

_As Mercedes played the piano she opened her eyes and looked at the empty space around her before closing her eyes and singing the chorus again_

"_**I think last night, you were driving circles around me"**_

_Sam came in again as she sang, unable to help himself from joining her _

"**You were in my dream, you were driving circles around me"**

_Mercedes sang louder drowning out any other sound._

"_**I think last night, you were driving circles around me"**_

_She repeated the same line until she could only perceive her own voice and the piano filling the room. Then she stopped and sat by the piano in silence breathing in and out steadily._

_._

_Sam broke the silence, after a pause._

"_You have an amazing voice… It's beautiful…"_

"_Stop," Mercedes responded shaking her head. She looked into the mirror over the fireplace. She could see his image again, the blonde man narrowed his deep green eyes in response to her interruption "Please, stop"_

"_Stop what?" _

_Mercedes sighed._

"_Stop. Stop coming here…stop appearing… stop talking… stop" Mercedes closed her eyes and pressed her fingers to her forehead. "Just whatever you are just please...stop"_

"_I'm sorry…I didn't mean to upset you …" _

Sam opened his eyes.

"But I need to talk to her" he muttered semi consciously as he closed his eyes, crushing his head against his pillow and pulling his covers nearer to him.

_She was still sitting at the piano, when Sam returned, looking more relieved than earlier. She was now writing something down intently in a notebook._

_Sam approached her._

"_I need to talk to you"_

_Mercedes froze, her body stiffened and her hands gripped the pen in her hand more tightly. Wide eyed she looked in Sam's direction then at the mirror. She clasped the gold cross around her neck with her free hand and watched him for a while. _

"_You're not going to leave are you" She resigned, placing the pen down on top of the piano. She sighed, "Okay... what do you want to say?"_

_She looked up at Sam through the mirror from where she sat, as if facing her demons._

_Though through the glass, Sam felt strangely alive under her gaze, it was both exhilarating and agonizing at the same time._

"_Who are you?" Sam asked, gently pleading in his need for an answer._

"_Don't you already know?" she asked slightly detached in her calmness, hiding the tumult within._

"_You're Mercedes Jones" Sam replied, his eyes narrowed and head turned slightly looking at nothing in particular. He looked back at her. "But how do I know that?"_

"_You tell me…" Mercedes replied calmly, unsure where this conversation would go but equally interested in what his answer would be, "How do you know that?"_

"_I don't know" Sam shook his head._

_Silence._

"_Are you real?" They both asked at the same time. _

_Sam's sea green eyes locked with Mercedes' earthy brown._

"_I think you're in my head" Mercedes closed her eyes, breaking the gaze._

"_I think…I'm dreaming" Sam replied still looking at her before looking away._

"_But you seem so real" they both spoke again simultaneously, causing Sam to smile involuntarily at Mercedes. She returned it tentatively, then looked down. Her dim smile faded as her thoughts carried her away to a darker place._

_After a pause she spoke again still looking downwards._

"_Maybe you're haunting me" she said sadly._

"_You've been haunting me for a while now" Sam responded._

"_I'm sorry" her voice quivered as she held back tears._

"_Don't be" Sam said softly._

_Mercedes looked back up at Sam in the mirror, she blinked back a tear to see more clearly. He was gone._

_She looked behind her and sighed heavily at the empty room._

_._

Sam opened his eyes and sat up in his bed. He shut off his alarm which would ring in the next five minutes.

"Wow" He exhaled

XXX

**Song**

**"Your Ghost"- Kirstin Hersh**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Through the looking glass.**

**Hello. Sorry this update is a lot later than I would have liked. I unfortunately got busy. Thank you again for reading/reviewing/alerts/favourites.**

**Disclaimer: Glee and characters do not belong to me.**

.

Sam sat at his desk, reading up on lucid dreaming on the internet, after his morning meeting, which had seemed to go well. The elder Anderson brother, Cooper, liked his work and found the recommendations made Sam's report coherent and easily applicable. Blaine and Cooper then had a private second meeting afterwards.

Sam was impressed at the array of websites featuring individuals who were able to go to all kinds of places in their minds. It seemed that with practice, one could get more control of what they actually did in their dreams. He was hoping that maybe he could develop his own ability to dream lucidly. Perhaps that might allow him to communicate more consciously with Mercedes, and find the answers to why dreamt of her.

He really felt like he'd had a break through last night in actually being able to converse with her. After he woke up, he wrote down what he remembered of his dream for fear he would forget again. However he still couldn't quite make sense of what had happened.

If his mind had truly created her, then he was astonished by how distinctive she was, everything from what she wore, to how she sat, and her response to him was so live and in the moment, with the idiosyncrasies of a real character outside of him. How strange it was that they both seemed to marvel at how real they were to each other. To Sam she was as real as any person he had ever met, and yet it seemed so impossible.

He smiled at the memory of her, at how exhilarated and yet at peace he felt near her, like his soul had found its home. She had the most soulful eyes and the most beautiful voice.

"Amazing" he sighed deeply in spite of himself.

"That is exactly right! Well done Sam" Blaine beamed over Sam's desk "Cooper was impressed. Really good work"

Sam tried to hide the shocked expression on his face as he acknowledged Blaine's sudden presence and processed what he had said.

"Oh. Right. Thanks" Sam nodded.

Blaine continued oblivious.

"So, we were talking about how you were progressing and we think you're ready"

"Ready for what?" Sam raised an eyebrow.

Sam was once the company 'golden boy' at _Anderson and Sons_, the family firm had appreciated his near obsessive work ethic. When Stacey got sick, his priorities changed and after months of supporting his baby sister's losing battle with cancer he was tempted to flush his career ever so respectfully down the toilet and focus on his family. However Blaine, the youngest Anderson son, talked him down from it, convincing him that they didn't want to lose him and could work something out. True to his word, Sam was able to keep his employment with a lighter load at the company, granted it meant a demotion, but it also meant he could manage the last couple of years financially. Sam had wondered how much Blaine had taken a risk to keep Sam on and ensure his workload was manageable the last couple of years. He got the sense however, that more recently, with the dust of the past settling, that the Anderson's were trying to push him back into the company limelight.

"We want you to take on…" Blaine paused for dramatic effect before continuing "the next R.J. project!"

R.J. was one of _Anderson and Son's _most highly prized clients. They were big in the property industry, redesigning, up scaling and building new projects. They were a family business and shared the same ethos as Anderson and sons, R.J and Cooper Anderson Senior were long time friends and trusted business associates.

"Are you sure?" Sam asked unsure as he leaned back into his chair "I mean R.J. projects are pretty big"

"Please DO NOT say that in front of Cooper…" Blaine closed his eyes in frustration and his hands crossing over eachother and cutting the air in front of him "besides it's actually a smaller personal project for R.J. himself. Different to the usual stuff. They're just putting it out there now before Christmas and then they will start properly in the New Year"

Sam was listening, not entirely sure if "R.J." and "personal project" made him feel less or more comfortable.

"Just take a look at the brief, think it over and get back to me. I actually think you'll _really _like this"

Blaine placed thin blue folder on Sam's desk and left.

Sam picked it up after Blaine had left and he leafed through the pages taking in what he read slowly.

"Huh…that is different," Sam assessed, his left hand supporting his chin as he leaned forward in his chair and thought about what he read.

It was definitely a smaller and more bespoke project. R.J. wanted to build a small centre on one of their estates, a music school to hold workshops in for kids, somewhere that would blend with the natural surroundings but still be accessible to the young people who would use it and of course be able to house studios for performance and even a small theatre for community productions. Clearly after twenty years of doing business, they trusted no one else except _Anderson and Sons_ to meet their requirements for this very special construction.

He hated to admit it, but Blaine was right he did like sound of this project.

"I knew you'd like it" Blaine smiled, popping his head around the door.

"Did you even go anywhere?" Sam shook his head alarmed.

"I didn't need to" Blaine retorted smugly "So… is that at least a tentative, 'I'm interested' and willing to take this opportunity out of career purgatory, Yes?"

Sam folded his arms across his broad chest, letting Blaine squirm slightly in anticipation.

"Yes, Blaine"

"I'll let Cooper know" his words trailing out the door with him.

.

XXX

.

_Mercedes took in a sharp breath at his sudden appearance, startling her once again._

"_You're back…again" She managed to say through the shock that was jolting her upright from where she was sitting in the dark._

"_It would seem so" Sam scratched his head and took in his indiscernible surroundings, searching for the source of that increasingly familiar voice._

_Through the darkness, he could see the waning half moon shining some light through the window. As his eyes adjusted to the lack of illumination, he noticed he was standing next to the corner of a bed, his eyes followed along the length of it from where he stood. The voice's owner, Mercedes, was sitting up right on it, her back against the wall, the creamy light from the window shining on her face as she hugged her knees. She was looking at the mirror. Her posture was tense._

_He looked at her, then followed her eyes towards her reflection in the mirror that stared intently back at him._

"_Are you alright?" Sam asked sensitive to her apprehensive demeanour._

"_No" Mercedes answered honestly, the tenseness still heavy in her voice, her increased heart rate forcing her to take deep steady breaths to calm it._

_Sam scanned the room again before looking at her directly, noticing her eyes still fixed on the mirror, he turned his head to face her reflection._

"_Because I'm in your room?" He realised as he asked the question._

_Mercedes nodded still numb. Sam's head dipped down as he seemed to be working something out. She wondered whether he knew now, whether that was why he had come back again. She would have tried to speak, but she couldn't find the words. _

"_I'm scaring you?" Sam's utterance, somewhere between a question and a statement_

"_Yes" she replied her voice nearly a whisper as she nodded again._

"_I'm sorry…I don't mean to" Sam assured "I'm not going to hurt you"_

_Mercedes nodded at Sam through the glass, she believed him, if he had wanted to harm her he would have done so already. That was not why she was frightened. She looked away from the mirror in his direction. The vacant space around the window betrayed what she her senses knew to be really there. _

_Sam followed her gaze as it returned to the mirror noticing her eyes narrow her eyes at him through the glass._

"_Can I- Can I ask you something…" Mercedes asked breaking the silence. She continued taking Sam's unflinching attention on her as permission to raise her question anyway "Is there something I'm supposed to do for you?"_

_Sam thought earnestly for a moment, wondering if there was something._

"_I'm not sure...I think…you represent something to me" Sam remembered from somewhere, his hazy thoughts beginning to catch up with him._

_Mercedes blinked hard and looked back at Sam for a moment, she wondered how much he knew and how much she should help him, she opened her mouth as if about to say something and then stopped herself before starting again, looking down at her hands instead._

"_I don't know" Sam shook his head and sighed, smiling at the strangeness of his situation._

_Mercedes looked towards the window in Sam's direction, it was dark but he noticed that her gaze still didn't quite make eye contact as she spoke._

"_So you keep coming here, and you don't know why. Do you even know who you are?"_

_Sam thought for a moment, it seemed a strange question although he did find himself needing to think momentarily about the answer._

"_Yes" Sam nodded, aware of the change in pitch which probably sounded like he was being defensive._

"_Really?" Mercedes voice laced with doubt, slightly amused by his uncertain response, yet also concerned "Who are you then?"_

_Sam didn't like the feeling of having to prove to Mercedes that he knew who he was, although he could see that she might have had a point as he hesitated before speaking. _

"_Sam Evans" Of course it is he thought to himself._

_Mercedes drew in a deep breath and straightened her back, she nodded. The look in her eyes confirming something to herself. She composed her self before speaking again._

"_Ok…so you know you are. Sa…Sam Evans" Mercedes swallowed again moistening her dry throat and facing the mirror "But you don't know why you're here"_

_Sam shook his head._

"_All I know is that when I go to sleep, I enter into a world where you are in it"_

_Mercedes demeanour relaxed for a fleeting moment, she could not explain why but she felt safe with those words, then she shook her head and frowned._

_Sam thought about his own words. They sounded unexpectedly profound. A flash of a memory distracted him. He saw the blue bed covers he'd pulled over himself, he remembered words on a screen. That was it. He remembered that he had been reading about lucid dreaming, he must have fallen asleep. He was asleep. He was dreaming._

"_I'm dreaming!" Sam said out loud_

_Mercedes returned his outburst with a puzzled expression. She sighed and reflected on her own shock and confusion these past few weeks, and realised that if this apparition was really Sam Evans, then maybe he has been feeling the same. She looked at him sadly, what a mess this all was._

"_You're not dreaming" Mercedes said gently, blinking her watery eyes before continuing "If you were dreaming… that would make me all in your mind...that would mean that when you wake up…I don't exist any more"_

"_But this is a dream… you seem real…but you are in my mind?" Sam asked feeling confused. _

_Mercedes shook her head and sighed._

"_I don't think so….You're not dreaming, Sam" she repeated "I…You're lost"_

XXX

"I _am_ dreaming" Sam repeated out loud as his eyes opened to view of the ceiling above him "Or I was dreaming"

Sam cursed under his breath. He'd been so close to her once again. Yet still his interactions with Mercedes were as elusive and mystifying as ever. He sat up in bed, the lamp light still on and his laptop on standby from having fallen asleep reading it.

He thought about the last few times he'd dreamt of her since the initial dream on the red carpet. She seemed younger and more vulnerable in his recent dreams.

He thought about the way she was seated stiffly upright and had questioned him in this last dream, the way she was startled by the lake and her response when she was playing piano. Even when she communicated with him it was as if it would damage her somehow. He suspended disbelief for a moment and imagined her as a real person thinking about her responses, it was as if for her his appearance was sudden, like he was there with her when he shouldn't be. But she wasn't real, she was just in his head, Sam reminded himself.

He thought about something else peculiar he noticed. Both times when he had spoken to her, she would always look at him through the mirror, rather than turn directly to face him. Was she frightened to look at him? It was as if, that was the only way she could see him. He tried to think of times when she looked directly at him. In this last dream, when she was looking towards him, she did not make eye contact. Maybe it was because it was dark, yet she made eye contact through the mirror so it could not have been that dark to see him. What about by the lake? She saw him then, didn't she? Then he remembered her falling and crying by the water. Maybe not Sam thought.

"It's just a dream Sam" He told himself.

Yet why would he dream of a woman who could only see him through a reflection? Then there was his red carpet dream.

How strange it was for her to ask him if there was something that she was supposed to do for him. He imagined that Dr Pillsbury would say that it was his subconscious asking himself.

The strangest thing was her final words before he had woken up.

Why would she insist that he was not dreaming?

Sam gasped feeling overwhelmed as the lines between reality and fantasy were becoming blurred. Sam pressed his head which throbbed from all the thoughts churning in his mind.

"It was a dream" He repeated. Yet however many times he denied it, his experiences felt so real, so true, that his heart was struggling to believe his own reassurances.


	7. Chapter 7

**Didn't expect to produce this chapter so soon. I'm supposed to be working but just kept on writing. Oh well.  
**

**Once again thank you for continuing to read and follow this story and being patient with my story telling as it unfolds.  
**

**As with all chapters Glee and it's characters are not mine. **

**Chapter 7: Perception**

_Mercedes Jones was not losing her mind. Sure, the accident a few weeks ago had left her feeling like between her and the world was a barrier, where from her perspective the light was dimmer and sounds more muffled. But Mercedes was not crazy. At least she didn't think she was, until a tall man with golden hair that fell above his jade eyes, started visiting her._

_She could not see him, only his reflection, though she heard his voice. _

_His voice was so clear, like a beacon calling out to her, as it diffused through the invisible curtain that had muted all the other colours and tastes and noises around her, his voice, his presence brought her heart to life. She could almost believe that it was her mind that had conjured into being this companion to stay with her, in her cocoon to both comfort and torment her._

_Perhaps it was the strangeness of him even appearing to her in this way that made her think she was hallucinating. But for Mercedes the situation was more perverse than simply hearing and seeing someone who should not be there._

_However, she could not deny the significance of who she was seeing. She believed at first that it was her mind that had chosen to project this ironic template, fashioned from the fresh wounds of a painful, barely processed memory and her inescapable sense of guilt._

_Then there was the more alarming possibility that he really was present, not in her mind but somehow really there. The idea could either confirm her sanity or her denial, but if there was the possibility of it being true- it troubled her even more._

_Then one day she played the piano for the first time since the accident. He came again singing with her, breathing life into her cells as she struggled to sing over his harmonies, as he once again forced his gentle presence alongside her. She realised as he gazed searchingly at her and through her, that his eyes were seeking the same answers, she heard in his tentative words a need to know, a desire for the same peace of mind she craved._

_Perhaps all he was, was just a projection of her own state, that stared back at her in the mirror?_

_Yet she felt responsible to trust that little spark inside of her that warned her against dismissing him altogether as a mere illusion. _

_Yet it frightened her too. His presence was forcing her to face what happened, to face what she wanted to bury._

_Mercedes never really believed or disbelieved in ghosts, but she believed that within every human being was a spirit, an eternal life force that continued on. Maybe it was not so far a stretch to think that sometimes these spirits can get lost? Perhaps it was because she needed to forgive herself, or she needed him to forgive her, that she was more willing to believe._

_So cautiously she allowed herself to entertain the idea that he was real, beyond her mind. And cautiously, she wondered if he was real if was he angry at her, if he blamed her for what happened. She thought at first that that was why he had come to her. He seemed after all to know who she was. _

_Yet the more he interacted the more she realised that he sought her because she seemed to have the answers he needed. She had some answers for sure, but would he want to know? And was she supposed to be the one to tell him. _

_When he didn't come back for a week. She wondered if he maybe he had found his peace. She hoped he had forgiven her._

_Then he visited her in her room that night. Sam Evans. He still didn't understand why he was where he was. He said it was a dream._

_Perhaps that was how it felt to him?_

_As she sat in the cold room, recently vacated by him, staring at the starry sky, she decided that if he ever came back, she needed to tell him somehow to make him see. Perhaps he would remember, maybe he would get angry at her when he realised, maybe he would forgive her. But most of all she hoped it could somehow free them both._

XXX

_Sam found himself in a bedroom that was definitely not his. A queen sized bed occupied the centre of the room, with lilac and cream bed covers, there was a familiar looking large blue and white blanket folded at the foot of the bed. A mirrored closet stood against the wall in one end of the room adjacent to a dressing table. There were two doors on opposite ends of the room. At the window, was a desk with a black notebook on it._

_He was dreaming. He knew he must be. How else would he have got here?_

_One of the doors opened.._

_Sam panicked momentarily, worrying he would get caught in some stranger's bedroom._

"_Hang on this is a dream" he remembered "It's all in my head"_

_A woman stepped out with a large thick white towel wrapped around her. _

_It was Mercedes. _

_This was her room he realised, it must have been where he was last night, his mind piecing together the configuration of the room as he had recalled it. _

_As she stepped out, his eyes were drawn to the water droplets still glistening on her smooth brown skin, and her hair was clasped in a clip above her head. _

"_Uh oh" Sam thought. He was not really sure if this was the kind of dream he should be having. As much as a part of him did want to see what would happen next, another part of him felt like he was being voyeuristic. She still seemed real and it felt wrong to stay. His arguments were flawed and did not really even make sense to him but he needed to get out before she saw him._

"_OK" Sam thought "If I'm dreaming then all I need to do to get out is just think of something else" He tried to think of somewhere else to be hoping he could exit this current dream, he tried to wake up. But he was still in Mercedes' room. Maybe that's not how it worked. _

_Perhaps he could find a way out of the room before she noticed, he turned and stepped towards the door._

"_AHH!" she screamed. _

_She noticed her wide eyes staring at the mirror._

_Mercedes clutched her towel close to her skin, her hand over her chest. Which Sam could not help but notice was very well endowed. She took a moment to regulate her breathing and collect herself._

"_You're back?!" She realised as the shock settled._

"_I'm sorry"_

_She breathed in and out again heavily._

"_You really pick your moments don't you"_

"_I'm so sorry" Sam exhorted a little humiliated. She may be in his head, but her response to him felt very real. "I'm sorry I'm going to leave now"_

_He walked to the door and tried to open it, but noticed he found it hard to grip the handle. Like his hands were able to touch it but not have very much impact on it._

_Mercedes watched him through the mirror somewhat curiously as he fiddled with the door handle. She couldn't help but find the mortified expression on his face little amusing._

"_What are you doing?" she asked causing him to pause and looked up at her with a distressed expression on his face._

"_Trying to leave" he said._

"_Don't you normally just disappear?" Mercedes wondered out loud._

_She had a point, Sam thought, but if this was his own mind, he didn't seem to have very much power in it._

"_I'm trying but I can't!" Sam said "I don't know how to…"_

_Mercedes watch him through the glass, a crease between her eye brows forming as she took in what he was saying._

"_Alright then…just stay" she said simply before taking some clothes from her wardrobe she returned to the bathroom. A little while later she came out fully clothed, dressed in jeans and black t-shirt. Her hair now tied back with an Alice band. _

_Sam smiled at her, he had stayed still standing by the door waiting and now watched her with interest._

"_You look nice" he said._

"_Maybe you should take a seat…seeing as you're stuck here"_

_Mercedes went to her desk and opened the notebook that was on there and began to write something inside. Sam sat on end of her bed patiently watching as she wrote. Her silhouette thoughtfully bent over her desk her hands busily writing. He enjoyed watching her lost in her own world._

_Then she put down her pen. She closed her eyes and then looked out of the window out into the garden. She took in a deep breath before releasing it heavily into the air. _

"_You're still here aren't you?" She said still looking outside._

"_Yes" Sam replied._

"_Haven't figured it out yet?" She asked her eyes scanning over the lake in the distance._

"_How to leave? No" Sam once again tried to imagine himself somewhere else, although the effort was half hearted._

"_I realise that… I mean you haven't figured out why you're here, in the first place?" _

"_It's the question I keep on trying to find the answer to" Sam sighed exhausted._

_Mercedes heart sank, she would have to tell him. She felt the anxiety rising into her throat as she began._

"_At first, I thought you were in my head. But then I realised that you were just as confused as me about being here. Do you still think you're dreaming?"_

_Sam closed his eyes, he was feeling that throbbing sensation in his head again._

"_Yes..." He believed he was, he thought he was, but it all still felt real, then he remembered "But you said I was lost"_

_Mercedes nodded. "I want to show you something"_

_Mercedes got up from her chair and turned to Sam. She looked at the mirror to locate where he was and sat near him on the edge of the bed. She could not see him directly, but she could feel his energy next to her, a powerful, beating presence that made her take in another deep sigh._

_Sam took a closer look at Mercedes as she sat next to him, her black notebook in her hand, her eyes cast downwards. Sitting right next to her brought his senses to life. It was as if his skin was firing in response to the thin space of air hanging between her and him. He thought about the lines he would draw as he studied her profile intently, taking in each blink of her long lashes. She sighed and opened her notebook, removing a piece of newspaper and handing it to him._

_Sam attempted to remove it from her, but felt a jolt of energy as his hands grazed hers instead causing them both to pause._

_He tried again to hold the paper, but like the door handle before he was unable to have any impact on the page._

"_I can't- I can't grip it" he explained as she held it out._

_Mercedes was not surprised by this, it was not like she had much expectation of what he could and could not do, and after a pause nodded in acceptance. "Ok- I'll hold it you read it"_

_He recognised the paper, it was a printed page from his old university student paper_

"_It's got my name on it?" Sam noticed_

"_Yeah…" Mercedes said gently, waiting for his response as he continued to read article._

_The headline read "Sam Evans: May you rest in peace". _

"_What?" Sam stopped reading and looked at Mercedes, who looked in his direction and then down at the paper, as if waiting for him to continue._

_Sam read on out loud._

"_He was loved by so many, the tragic death of one our fellow students Sam Evans at just 22 years of age has left a huge hole in the lives of those who knew him. His funeral took place yesterday…. "_

_Mercedes swallowed hard as Sam stopped mid sentence_

"_What the-" Sam stood up as Mercedes recoiled feeling the emptiness near her. _

_She started looking around the room._

"_I'm sorry I don't mean to upset you- it's just I thought maybe it would help you…" she spoke into the space._

_Sam wanted to laugh, he was dreaming that he was a dead person, it was funny even if he also really wished he would wake up now._

_Mercedes looked at the mirror to see Sam pacing round her room shaking his head, his lips half smiling his eyes half perplexed._

"_I know it's hard to take in but I just think that's why you keep coming here…because you don't recognize what's happened…that's why you think this is a dream... maybe because it's not sunk in yet…I just.. I wanted to help you…remember…"_

_Sam laughed and shook his head._

"_So you think I'm lost because I'm dead?"_

_Mercedes closed her eyes, as if the word itself had bruised her. _

_Sam continued._

"_I'm sorry but you might seem real to me right now…but for all I know I'm just having a dream about a beautiful woman telling me I'm actually really dead…that to her I'm a ghost"_

_Mercedes opened her eyes, and looked back at Sam through the mirror then away again._

"_Well for me you keep appearing and disappearing like a ghost…and if you're not a ghost…well then that means you're in MY head…that means you're the one that's not real. If you're dreaming now… where do you go when you go when you wake up?" Her voice was firm, standing her ground with him verbally._

_Sam stopped pacing and looked at Mercedes, her gaze once again had returned to the mirror, he looked at her reflection where her pupils pierced right through his._

_Sam closed his eyes. He knew he was dreaming. This couldn't be real. Even if he was finding it hard to connect to his life outside his dream. He tried to remember, tried to go back. Images of, his apartment, of photographs of his family on his bookshelf, of Mike, blueprints, of Chloe, of Munchies and even Cooper Anderson, the chicken noodles he ate for dinner, began to flow though his mind. _

_He felt himself losing his presence in Mercedes room. _

_She did not need to confirm that he was gone when she looked at the mirror, because she could already sense it. She sensed it in the way her hair follicles relaxed and in how her palms felt drier, she knew from the way the beating of her heart steadied and from the way the emptiness that he left behind seeped inside her._

**I know it must seem a little confusing right now, but there are answers!  
**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello again. **

**Thank you for continuing to take an interest in this story.**

**Well this chapter got really long. ****I'm feeling unsure about it so I hope it reads ok. **

**The title of the chapter also shares it's title with the song "As It Seems" by Lily Kershaw which features in it.**

**Disclaimer- Glee and its characters are not mine.**

**Chapter 8: As It Seems**

"Hey Sam?"

"Mike?" Sam answered his phone still looking around the room.

"Yeah…Sorry did I wake you?" Mike's cheerful voice, now apologetic and uncertain.

"No…It's fine…what time is it?" Sam asked still unsure where he was.

"It's noon"

Sam sat up in his bed and reached over the clock near him, bringing it closer to his face.

"Damn" he realised "I'm supposed to watch Chloe today right?"

He rubbed his eyes and stretched.

"Yeah…you sure you still ok for that?"

"Sure…" Sam yawned

"It's just we're outside your door"

Sam shot up and out of bed.

"Oh sh- I'll be right there!"

Having thrown on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt Sam ruffled his hair and opened the door.

"Hi Uncle Sam!" Chloe chirped.

"Hi Chloe!" Sam smiled as the little girl threw her arms around his legs. Sam patted her on the head and received a pat on the shoulder from Mike.

"Thanks for doing this Sam," Mike smiled gratefully. "We'll just be a couple of hours and will be right back"

"No problem- come on in" Sam stepped aside allowing them both to enter.

Chloe rushed in and greeted Munchies, who's tail swept excitedly in the air on seeing her. She settled her self on the couch in Sam's living room removing her jacket.

"Nice" Sam smiled and Mike shook his head.

Sam found some cartoons for her to watch, then he turned to Mike who was busy placing Chloe's jacket and bag on a chair.

"Mike, have you got a minute before you head out?"

They went into the kitchen to speak leaving Chloe and Munchies in front of the television.

"I think had the strangest dream last night" Sam stated frankly.

"Another one?" Mike's eyes darted momentarily to the side before looking back at Sam and nodded

"I know it's odd…but like this time it was -I was dead…but not.. Mercedes was in it again she was telling me I had died" Sam continued without dressing it up any more than it needed to be.

Mike's eyes widened on hearing Mercedes' name again, the expression remaining frozen somewhat as Sam continued his story. He paused taking in what Sam said, and looked out of the kitchen window, reluctant to make eye contact.

"It's just a dream Sam" Mike reassured "Sometimes our minds play tricks on us and we end up disturbing things that don't need disturbing… just don't worry about it okay?"

"Yeah…." Sam paused and looked out the window then back at Mike "Sure…"

Mike made his way out of the kitchen and kissed Chloe goodbye. He thanked Sam one more time, promising to be back soon. As he left he gave him an extra nod like a full stop concluding what had been discussed before.

X

Sam set his and Chloe's plate of macaroni cheese on the coffee table as they both sat together on the floor in front to eat lunch whilst, watching _It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie _showing on the television_._

"Thank you Uncle Sam" Chloe said climbing down from the sofa and sitting next to Sam on the floor on a cushion.

"My pleasure sweetheart…" Sam said, handing her a fork.

"She says thank you too" Chloe added taking the fork and tucking into a piece of macaroni and happily chewing on it.

"Who says thank you too?" Sam shot an amused look at Chloe, wondering if she was referring to new toy or imaginary friend he was unaware of.

"The butterfly angel" Chloe responded sucking at the remnants of melted cheese on her fork "She's really pretty"

Sam's eye's widened as he remembered Chloe's picture.

"Oh- you mean the butterfly angel you drew for me? Did you see her?"

"She was talking to mommy... mommy was sad" Chloe said her eyes now moving to the screen.

"Tina was talking to Mer- to the angel?" Sam's attention focused completely on Chloe, his mind racing with the possibilities of what she was saying.

"My other mommy" Chloe casually shifted to look at the screen.

"Your other mommy?" Sam froze, trying to keep his tone of voice calm "What do you mean Chloe?"

Chloe started laughing, distracted completely by Kermit.

Sam watched Chloe for a moment, reflecting on her obscure words, choosing to let it go rather than question her further.

X

That evening, after Mike picked up Chloe, Sam retrieved the box of his family's memorabilia, from the cupboard in what used to be Stacey's old room. He blew the dust from the lid of the box and opened it, settling down in his living room, with Munchies stretched out near him on the couch.

He was first greeted by the white knitted cap his mom had made him as a baby, then he removed the photo album of his parents wedding, opening it onto a page with an image of his mom attempting to push a piece of cake into his dad's mouth, the white icing smeared on his cheeks. She was already pregnant for Sam then. Then there was another album of their last summer vacation all together. He removed Stevie's baseball and the bracelet that his mother was going to give to Stacey for her 15th Birthday.

It was an impossible dream. That only seemed to throw him back to remembering that awful time.

No matter how real Mercedes felt to him last night, and how earnest she was, Sam couldn't believe what she was saying. Sure, he had managed to become aware of dreaming in the dream- yet even still that didn't give him much control over where he could go or what he could do.

He really believed that he was there, in her room. Then her words, the newspaper article, that claimed he his life had ended at twenty two- it all shook him inside like an upturned snow globe.

Sam remembered being twenty-two very well. The year his entire world fell apart around him.

He had always blamed himself for not being the one to go down to see them. He was supposed to, but his car was still not working properly and so his family said they would come and see him instead. He looked forward to seeing them and in particular to celebrate the twin's birthdays.

Then they were late. At first he rang his dad, but that went straight to voicemail, it was odd but he tried his mom's which again was not answered, then more concerned he tried Stevie's ever attached to his phone when his little brother didn't pick up he more frantically tried Stacey's phone. He was greeted by a man who's voice he did not recognise, introducing himself as Mike Chang, he was a doctor, and after establishing how Sam was related to the owner of the phone explained that there had been an accident and that he had called the ambulance services and would be heading to the hospital.

Blood drained out of Sam right there and then and numb he rushed to the meet them there.

Mike had been riding in the car behind his parent's, along with his heavily pregnant wife. He had seen the sudden bright light ahead, that had caused the on coming car to swerve suddenly and hit the car in front of him, both cars had spun out of control, Mike was already breaking as the two cars came crashing to a halt hitting Mike's car as in the process.

Sam's father and Stevie died at the scene, his mother died in the hospital, from internal injuries. Stacey survived with no injuries, except a scar on her head and no parents.

It might have been easy for him to stop breathing, stop living, but he had to be strong for Stacey. Their grandparents were far too old to look after her, and Uncle Cliff, his mother's estranged brother fumbled his excuses about not really being able to contribute. There were distant cousins and family friends who promised to do what they could. But the reality was that Sam and Stacey were all each other had left.

The investigation of the accident found there to be no one at fault.

At the time he felt like he didn't know how to pick up the shattered pieces that life had left him with, but there were little gems that had shone through and gave him the strength to keep going.

Mike, had helped try to save the broken lives at the scene and stayed with them at the hospital. Unable to bring all of Sam's family back to him and feeling like he was responsible in some way, offered Sam and his little sister friendship and family. Mike perhaps needed them just as much, having suffered his own loss that day too, a thought made Sam wonder about Chloe's comment earlier that day.

Sam never knew what happened to other driver, the family were very private and kept to themselves and Mike never really liked to talk much about the accident, even if it was what brought them together. However, Sam did receive a card from the driver's family, with their condolences to Sam and Stacey. They also had sent him a generous sponsorship, which allowed Sam to finish his final year of college and still support him and Stacey, there was even a college fund for Stacey when the time came. Sam didn't know if he could accept the gift, or payment or guilt money or whatever it was, but Mike convinced him to keep it, saying that Sam deserved it, in fact he needed it and that maybe they just wanted to do something to help.

It was a lot to take on for a young man just starting out in the world, but soon he was able to graduate and was successful at getting a paid internship at _Anderson and Sons_, and after the year was over they kept him on at the firm, where they encouraged him to keep working hard and develop his career, until Stacey got sick.

So much had happened. So much he could not deny. Yet why was it that this dream was still affecting him, causing him to reflect and question?

He could almost imagine Dr Pillsbury saying something along the lines of how at twenty two Sam Evans had died in a way. He dreaded to think about telling her how torn up it was making him feel- and whether she would think he was having some kind of psychotic break with reality if he told her about that tiny shred of doubt that was still lingering inside him. Judging from Mike's reaction he was starting to feel as though sharing anything more about his dreams may not be such a good idea.

Then again how could he pay attention to a dream telling him that his life as he knew was an illusion? What would that mean about all the people in his all the memories?

Yet Sam still was frustrated, because he also could not keep on denying that_ she_ was illusion either? Not when she felt so present to him. The way he felt alert just being near her, let alone how his being seemed to ignite like a sparkler just by touching her momentarily.

He just couldn't quite let go and yet he couldn't quite accept it either.

_X_

_Sam found himself in a hall, with a cluster of chairs and people in a row facing the same direction. The people a blur. The atmosphere somewhat sombre as they watched the stage in front of them. Sam turned towards the stage, curious._

_He saw the face of an old friend he recognised, who he once knew and lost touch with, Noah, sitting on the stage with a guitar, accompanied by Mercedes._

_Noah began to play the introductory notes of a song on the guitar, soon after, Mercedes took a deep breath and started to sing. _

_Sam stood frozen hearing her voice again._

_**Well I knew  
What I didn't want to know  
And I saw  
Where I didn't want to go  
So I took the path less travelled on  
And I'll let my stories be whispered  
When I'm gone...**_

When I'm gone  
When I'm gone  
When I'm gone

_Sam started to walk down the hall towards the stage, his eyes captured again her haunted expression and her magical voice, calling him once again towards her, under her spell._

_**Well in this life you must find something to live for  
Cause when the darkness comes a callin'  
You'll go back to where you were before  
Cause this life is as  
Fragile as a dream, and  
Nothing's ever really  
As it seems...  
**_

_Sam had walked up onto the stage now, and approach her slowly. Standing in front of her._

_**As it seems  
As it seems  
As it seems  
**__**[ Lyrics from: ht**_

_He knelt in front of her as she sang looking directly at her. Her shudder was imperceptible, but Sam noticed it, that invisible pause, that subtle sensing of something extraordinary that can not be explained, before she continued to sing._

_**. ]**__**  
Well I lost my innocence when in I let him dive  
But the way that he looked at me  
Made me feel alive  
And now I know  
Nothin' at all  
But the release that comes when you're  
In mid fall...  
**_

_**In mid fall  
In mid fall  
In mid fall  
**_

_He noticed a tear collect at her eyes, Sam, drawn towards catching it and wiping it away, gently raised his thumb tracing the tear's track as it travelled from the corner of her eye along her cheek, she closed her eyes, as if sensing a presence near her. The tear unaffected by Sam's actions, continued to tumble downwards following the drop as it fell and splashed onto the floor._

_**Cause in this life you must find something to live for  
Cause when the darkness comes a callin'  
You'll go back to where you were before  
Cause this life is as  
Fragile as a dream, and  
Nothing's ever really  
As it seems...**_

As it seems  
As it seems  
As it seems

_As the crowd applauded Sam exhaled deeply, watching Mercedes face with interest as she composed her self, thanking the audience. _

_She stood up and Sam stood up watching her face closely, as she walked off the stage. He followed her._

_As he walked into the wings of the stage, he found himself in her room, recognising the lilac sheets and then the window and mirror. _

_She was sitting on the bed with her notebook, writing in it again and humming._

"_Mercedes..." Sam sighed, the word on his tongue feeling like home. Mercedes looked at the mirror and immediately stood up from her bed, she momentarily smiled at him before catching her self and pursed her lips instead as she walked towards him. _

"_So, you still think this is all just a dream?" she said her hands on her hips her voice resolute, stopping in front of where she sensed him to be._

_Sam turned himself to face her directly, his mild amusement over taken by the deeper sense of bewilderment at the situation itself, and shook his head._

"_I don't know what to think" he looked down at Mercedes into those warm brown eyes that didn't quite meet his, she was enchanting even in her mild exasperation, and unthinkingly once again Sam found himself lifting his hand and gently brush his forefinger against the side of her face._

_Mercedes closed her eyes, sensing a spark of energy that felt like it was touching both her skin and her soul. She opened her eyes looking around the space in front of her as a memory of the same sensation a few days ago came back to her._

"_You can't see me can you?" Sam said again looking directly into her eyes that still missed direct contact with his._

"_Only your reflection…." Mercedes looked down at the ground then towards the mirror._

_Sam's eyes closed as he took a breath in and shook his head. _

"_Everything inside me is telling me that what I'm experiencing right now is real… but none of it adds up" _

_Mercedes walked sat at the chair by her desk and leaned into it, she smiled softly to herself recognising his sentiments in her own self._

"_Can I see that newspaper article again?" he uttered resignedly._

_X_

_The article described the promising art work, the sporting achievements, the loveable character and the dorky impersonations of the 22 year old son, brother, friend, student, who died in a traffic accident._

"_God" Sam shook his head "You know…it just it's all so surreal" _

_Mercedes nodded in acknowledgment as he took in the words on the page, letting him continue to speak. They were both sitting next to each other, at her bed reading the article._

"_The strange thing is…even though I thought I made my peace with it, I always wanted to know what would have happened all those years ago if I had been the one to go visit my parents that weekend instead of them…" _

_Mercedes head snapped at Sam._

"_What do you mean?" she thought this would help Sam remember, but this conversation was taking a tangent that she hadn't expected at all._

_Sam tried to think about what he meant. He could feel it didn't add up, the dots didn't connect and he tried to remember what it was that sparked him to say what he did. _

"_Six years ago…" Sam began recalling the event describing the night his family were meant to visit him at college but never made it there. Mercedes absorbing his words, his story, it was the same street, the same time, except that it was not Sam but Sam's family who had been hit, driving in the opposite direction, hitting another car. "When I wake up… I go back to my life where I live…and they all died…" he finished._

_His words were like an anchor that dragged Mercedes heart downwards, she paused taking them in, trying to piece what he was saying against what she understood. She looked to the mirror and saw his back hunched over, his forehead resting on his hands clasped together, elbows on his knees. His story did not fit with what she had understood to have happened, but she felt his pain to be real. She lifted her hand hesitating for a moment as it hovered over his back before placing it on there comfortingly. It was like, even though she couldn't feel anything there physically, she felt him, as if she was touching his aura with her own. Sam felt it too. They sat for a brief moment in silence, a growing warm sensation grew where Mercedes hand was and she slid her hand away confused, Sam lifted his head and sat up again thoughtfully._

_Mercedes shook her forehead, rubbing her arm with the hand that had been on Sam's back. She contemplated Sam's story._

"_That doesn't make sense though" she began, Sam turned his head towards her interested to hear what she had to say "You said it happened six years ago.. but the accident- it happened just over a month ago..."_

"_I was 22 when my family's accident happened" Sam said "22 like it says in that "Sam Evans" died in that article…but that was six years ago…for me…I'm 28 now"_

"_You're telling me this elaborate story… Are you sure it's just not…I don't know maybe you're confusing what happened…like you got confused before"_

"_I know what I experienced" Sam voice insistent._

"_And I know what I experienced!" Mercedes voice equally firm, her gaze sharply fixed on the area next to him then at the mirror, she blinked suddenly and looked away, as if she had said too much._

"_What do you mean?" Mercedes looked to the ground and stood up turning away from Sam, he walked up to her sensing there to be more in what she said. She avoided eye contact with Sam, considering how to explain. _

_Sam abruptly turned to his side "What's that…?"_

"_What's what?" Mercedes frowned turning back towards him._

_He felt a strange sensation on his hand that drew his attention away._

"_Bye Sam"_

_Mercedes folded her arms together and pressed them against herself._

_X_

Sam woke up to Munchies licking his fingers frantically.

"Munchies!" Sam lifted himself up from the sofa, the box he had kept of his family memories still by his side, its wares scattered around him. The sky a misty gold as the sun was rising outside through the clouds.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello. Thank you again for continuing to read/favorite/alert generally taking an interest in this story.**

**I didn't really expect to get past 9 chapters, but I'm still in the middle of telling it all! **

**The story is mapped out but I hope the execution is clear- and not so confusing and frustrating that it is hard to follow. I try to make sure everything that what I include in the story has a reason to be in there, but I appreciate my style of writing can be a bit too long winded.**

**Part of the flow of the story is that it is a bit of an unfolding mystery, as is the mystery of life and death itself, as well as the developing relationship with Mercedes and Sam in this unusual situation.**

**In answer to question about the Lake House- yes there is some inspiration taken from there amongst other places- but it's not exactly the Lake House either. **

**Thank you again for reading and reviewing.**

.

**Glee and its characters does not belong to me.**

.

**Chapter 9: Connection**

It was an accident. It was meant to be.

Sam reminded himself as he stood in the early morning chill over the four gravestones, Stacey's headstone a little newer looking than the other three.

Mercedes extraordinary newspaper article kept flashing in his mind. There was a time when Sam would have done anything to have gone in his family's place but as time passed, he had accepted it for what it was, maybe it was destiny, or fated, but he could not change it, so being face to face with the possibility that things could have gone differently, had shook Sam up inside. Family meant everything to Sam.

"I'm sorry mom" he said, feeling like he might have let her down.

She always told him to accept what life handed him, to work with what you had and not look back at what you could not change. She had shown him what that meant, when his dad lost his job growing up and they became homeless. She was always making the best of everything, every situation. Sure you could be sad, sure you could grieve, but in the end, you needed to get up and find a way to make something with what you had.

"Thank you" he placed a rose on her headstone and began to walk away.

As he walked out of the cemetery he passed another familiar grave. He paused momentarily, and thought about Mike and Chloe. He never really met Lucy, he knew she was a painter, a wife, a mother to be, she was also another unfortunate casualty of that night. He placed his hand on the stone and continued to make his way to work.

X

That evening Sam had his session with Dr Pillsbury and admitted once again that the dreams were continuing. However, he did censor how he really felt about the interaction, the way she made him feel more alive than when he was any where else. Neither did he go into the ins and outs of how they both think that the other one was confused about what really happened, how she was thinking he's dead and he was not so sure and how she seems to be living in the past.

Sam decided to draw, hoping it would help him feel less unsettled.

He thought of Mercedes singing with her eyes closed lost in the words of her song, as he remembered her in his dreams, letting go, letting his hands draw from his heart.

X

_Christmas unfolded around her. The residues of recent events insisted on clinging to the back of her mind. Putting up the tree and wrapping presents all a blur. She had sensed her mom trying to cheer her up with her carol singing and baked cookies, bringing back memories of the scent wafting through her childhood, and she appreciated the cheerful chatter of visitors who had called to see her._

_Most of all she would always end up wondering the same thing, if he would return. She didn't really know what to expect. Then again his version of events confused matters further when she tried to explain. It was like he had lived through the same event only instead, he insisted that it was his family who were in the accident rather than him, and then there was his insistence that it happened years ago._

_Then, the day before Christmas Eve she received an unexpected phone call._

"_Hello?" _

"_Hello? Is this Mercedes Jones?" _

"_Yes. Can help you?"_

"_Hello… I'm Mary Evans" _

_Mercedes swallowed hard_

"_Oh. Hello Mrs Evans"_

"_I've been trying to reach you dear. I hope you don't mind…I guess wanted to ask how you were doing?"_

"_I'm alright. To be honest I'm glad you called…" she hesitated before continuing "I'm so sorry about what happened Mrs Evans "_

"_Oh…my dear…"_

_Mercedes had to say it, she had to let it off her chest now, speaking over her breaking voice._

"_It's just that… It should have …it's all my fault"_

_Mary was silent. As Mercedes composed her self._

_Then she felt it, her heart beating heavily, her skin sensitive to the slightest touch, and as she turned to look up into the mirror above the fire place once again she saw it, against the polished glass. The reflection of his eyes meeting hers in realisation once again that he was back. Her own eyes acknowledged them as she held the phone against ear. _

"_Mercedes… that night ... we don't blame you...no one does. It was meant to be. …we could sit and imagine all the possibilities…." Mercedes eyes narrowed, still focused on Sam as she listened, whilst Mary paused, momentarily laughing masking the pain in her own voice and yet still she sounded so calm and liberated as she spoke "Sorry it's just I can almost imagine Sam making a sci-fi comment now about alternate realities...the truth is though …the reality is…what happened, happened…and we all have to find a way to live with it...to face it for what it is…you just need to find a way to be free from what is holding you back and move on.. its ok to move on… in your own time... but it s ok."_

_Mercedes looked at Sam thoughtfully as she spoke, taking in Mrs Evan's kind words "Thank you Mrs Evans…I just wish I knew he was at peace now"_

_Sam's eyes widened on hearing his surname._

"_Mercedes, my dear" Mary responded. "_We_ also have to find our own peace"_

_Mercedes said her goodbyes soon after. She wished she could feel all the weight on her heart lifted. She wiped her eyes as she cut the phone and looked into the mirror, wondering if it was wrong that she felt warm inside on seeing him again._

"_Sam" the corner of her lips curled upward uncontrollably on acknowledging his presence._

_Mercedes paused seeing the sadness in Sam's eyes, like a lost boy, hopeful and scared at the same time._

_Finally he found the words._

"_Mrs Evans… as in my mom Mrs Evans?" _

_She nodded hearing the longing in her voice. "Yes"_

_It was strange and yet deeply considerate that she had made contact with her, given that she had lost her son. She then wondered about how it was also strangely coincidental that Sam had appeared when she had done so._

"_Gosh I miss her so much" he said sadly after a long pensive pause._

_Mercedes turned away from the mirror to face him directly. She stepped nearer to where he stood, whilst her eyes couldn't see, she moved to where she felt him to be, stopping when the deep sensation of energy charging through her became too strong._

"_Can't you visit her?" Mercedes wondered "like you me?"_

"_I don't really have much control over this…me coming like this" Sam waved his arm up and down over himself then looked at Mercedes, realising his hand movements were not really going to be seen by her as she stared into the space in front of his chest. "Why were you speaking to her?"_

_Mercedes blinked and turned her back to Sam, she walked to mirror over the fireplace and looked up at him in the mirror. Sam watched her movements and rested his gaze on her through the glass which she returned. It was like she could breathe again, when he was around. And yet now she knew she had to answer his question and that would mean telling him the rest of her story._

"_This must be like some weird alternate reality I've entered.." Sam wondered out loud as he waited for Mercedes' to speak._

"_Who knows" Mercedes chuckled finding his tone of voice amusing as it shifted speculatively, whilst also remembering the comment his mom had made._

_Sam grinned seeing her face break into smile, feeling a little pleased with himself that he had put it there. However she soon replaced it with a more thoughtful grimace, sending Sam's own expression to slink downwards._

"_Sam…thing is I don't want to stop you from moving on…." Mercedes fumbled through her words again, afraid of what he would think if she answered his earlier question "I mean… you have to know…wow…its just that I'm just finding it hard because…" she stopped abruptly she did not want to be selfish and make this about her._

"_You're finding it hard because? What is it Mercedes?" Sam could see her struggle with the words._

_Mercedes swallowed and pursed her lips before continuing._

"_It's just that it's like your presence is the only thing that makes me feel anything these days…since…I mean.. .when I heard you, I was terrified at first…but now it's like I'm afraid if you go… I don't know… when I feel you here it's like.." She found that continuing on, was too much pressure, especially beneath his piercing emerald gaze._

"_Like your heart comes to life?" Sam completed her sentence, somehow sensing what she meant_

_Mercedes looked at him, stunned and yet relieved as she nodded in agreement. Then she shut her eyes and shook her head, brushing away whatever it meant._

"_I should just let you move on or live whatever reality you've come from…I shouldn't stop you..."Mercedes continued finding the courage to go on._

"_What if I don't want to leave?" Sam interjected, his question piercing causing Mercedes to freeze and look downwards. "What if I also feel more awake and alive when I'm here with you? I may not have been living much before I'm not dead…and I'm finding it hard to believe that these are just dreams anymore… whatever you choose to belive- I can't keep fighting it…for some reason we've been brought together…and I can't stop it…and even if I could… I'm not sure that I want to"_

_Mercedes eyes remained trained on the carpet beneath her feet. _

"_I can't stop you from being at peace"_

_Sam took a step nearer to Mercedes, and leaned in closer to her, speaking softly behind her. _

"_And what if I'm at peace when I'm right here, next to you, in this very moment?"_

_Mercedes could feel his presence intensely, causing her body to shudder, the prickling on her skin spreading all over her, she could have sworn she actually felt his breath against her as she absorbed his words._

_She sighed heavily, the space between them a sliver of a shadow._

_She wanted to tell him she knew she should explain but she did not want him to leave, and she was afraid that if she told him that he would leave._

"_This is crazy" her voice a whisper _

"_Mmhmm" he agreed, lost in her presence as it sent him soaring, his eyes fixed on he reflection.._

_Mercedes chortled at his response. _

"_Fine…but first there's something else I-"_

_He was not sure why he did it, it was instinctive, he blamed the adorable expression on her face through the glass that formed as she acceded. _

_She gasped when she felt it. The sudden spark against her face that made her whole body feel warm. She looked immediately to the mirror and saw Sam moving away from her having leant in to plant a kiss against her cheek from behind her._

_She tried to glare at him for his unexpected interruption, but it was not exactly easy maintaining it through a reflection, and it might have also been because he seemed shocked himself at what he had just done. She bit her lip instead, to stop her self from smiling at him._

_He wondered about what he had felt, the intense surge of energy through his lips that reverberated through him, he looked up and then caught her expression. _

_He grinned back at her, helplessly smug._

_Then he disappeared. Fading away slowly, until all that Mercedes could see was the empty space he had left behind and the feeling of the dead still air fill all around her again. _

_She wanted to feel bad, that she didn't get to tell him properly. Then she placed her hand against the side of her face, which was still firing from where his lips had been and smiled to herself._

_._

Sam woke up with a huge smile on his face.

He could barely help it.

Mercedes was the loveliest creature he had ever met. He knew that he was probably crazy, he knew that it did not make sense anymore, he even knew that he probably should be thinking more carefully and that he was probably missing something. But all he could do in that moment as he lay awake in his bed, his fingers dancing against his lips, was think about how invigorating it had felt to be near her.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hi again!**

**Thank you so much once again for reading/reviewing/following etc this story.**

**I had a bit of a writers block and was a bit sick…so took some time getting this up and well this huge chapter came out at the end, so I hope it's ok :S.**

**Glee and its characters don't belong to me**

**X**

**Chapter 10: Dreams within dreams**

_Sam watched captivated as Mercedes busied herself, stop starting broken notes on the piano, interspersed with her humming and then replaying, as she scribbled away and tried again. _

_She tapped her fingers against the keys and then stopped to look into the space that Sam occupied._

"_I know you're there" she said _

"_I knew it!" Sam chuckled. "When did you notice?"_

"_When you got here" she retorted plainly and looked back at her papers._

"_Ah I see... so you were just being rude and ignoring me" Sam quipped as he approached the piano and leaned against it._

"_And you were being creepy" Mercedes sensed his presence nearing her, she bit her lip suppressing a smirk "Lurking around like that"_

"_I didn't want to interrupt you… you looked like you were really concentrating"_

"_I was" she looked up and around, then she noticed his reflection on the polished surface of the piano._

"_So…" Sam looked at her papers and the piano "Are you like a singer-songwriter?" _

"_Well I sing… and write songs but…"_

"_But…?" Sam raised an eyebrow._

"_I'm working on the whole professional thing..." Mercedes looked at Sam's reflection then down at the piano as she trailed off " I mean I've done some performances and I'm majoring in music…I'm sort of getting there"_

"_It's only a matter of time…" Sam replied assuredly "We'll be seeing your name up in lights before you know it!"_

"_Hah! What makes _you_ so sure?" Mercedes' voice sceptical as she folded her arms and looked towards his reflection._

"_Oh I know…" Sam's declaration rolling off his tongue easily, without a hint of doubt "For one you have an incredible voice"_

"_Thanks" Mercedes looked at Sam and nodded, she then paused retreating into herself a little, before speaking again, "I mean I used to be really driven and focused…it's just a bit hard these days"_

"_Why's that?" Sam asked, puzzled as to why she seemed so hesitant._

_Mercedes looked at Sam for a moment, deciding what to say._

"_Lack of inspiration, I guess" she shrugged._

"_Mercedes!" Sam leaned in closer towards her to emphasise his point which jolted her out of the discouraging daze she was lost in, forcing her to look up at where Sam's voice came from "… I've heard you sing … you're…amazing! And I bet whatever you're scribbling away in there is too! You are going to be big…huge…massive…"_

_Mercedes could not help but chuckle at how excited he was getting, she saw in the reflection, his eyes wide with a sense of wonderment as he spoke._

"_Thanks Sam" she said again, considering more deeply this time what he was saying, she shook her head and smiled to her self._

"_Just don't forget it ok?" He insisted._

"_I won't! I won't!" She laughed her hands raised up like she had been caught red handed stealing her mother's cookies._

"_You better not… or I'll .. " Sam hesitated searchingly for a minute, trying to find a good enough threat "I'll just keep coming and lingering around you"_

"_I thought you said that you were going to do that anyway" Mercedes responded with a confused grin at his silliness._

"_Yeah…exactly… so I'll just be creepy and stalkerish about it" _

"_More so than you already have been?" Mercedes gave Sam a feigned look of horror._

"_Absolutely" Sam smirked._

_Mercedes simply laughed._

_._

_X_

_._

Sam took a deep breath, broken out of his daydreams of Mercedes, by the announcement of RJ's entrance into the building, accompanied by Cooper.

RJ was shorter than Sam. But he commanded attention, with his deep voice and knowing smile. He had soulful eyes, his speckled white and black hair hinting at being was much older than he seemed, probably Cooper's father's age given his long time connection with Anderson Senior.

"Ralph, this is Sam, Sam Evans who will be assisting me in this project" Cooper explained

On being introduced by Cooper, he shook Sam's hand firmly and smiled.

"Mr Evans, it is great to finally meet you, I'm Ralph"

"The pleasure is all mine…and Sam is fine, Sir" Sam had responded, wondering what the Anderson sons had actually told RJ about him.

"And that goes for you too- please call me Ralph" RJ had insisted again, for a man with his status and fortune, his unassuming nature was warming to Sam.

RJ reclined into a leather chair, his robust frame filling the space comfortably, as Sam and Cooper took up their own seats around the board room table.

They discussed his plans about the music school in more detail. Sam taking notes and making sketches of the ideas RJ had in mind. He seemed to talk with a great amount of passion and affection for the project, like it was a part of him. There was something compelling about him, which Sam could not quite discern. Every so often, Sam would catch RJ observing him, before answering Cooper's questions, elaborating on his vision. He would smile almost proudly at Sam when the younger man would offer his suggestions or ask his own questions for clarification.

A second meeting was scheduled after the New Year at the estate.

"It's been great to meet you Sam, I look forward to having you on board with Cooper on this" RJ had said on his way out after the meeting, offering him a short approving nod as he shook his hand.

_XXX_

_._

"_Did you always want to be an architect?" Mercedes was curled up in a little nook by the window, looking at the branches still naked against the grey the winter sky._

_Sam was also sitting in the nook, opposite her, watching as she stared out in the garden._

"_Well" Sam sighed. "Growing up I loved two things: singing and drawing…I used to draw all the time... and I wasn't exactly sure what to do... I was kind of swayed to do something that would be a more steady career path …especially when my dad lost his job and my family became homeless…I wanted to make sure I did something that I could do well and that supported my family…so we'd never be in that position again" _

_Mercedes nodded in understanding, she readjusted her focus to see Sam's reflection against the glass, appreciating and admiring him the sacrifices and responsibility he took on in his life._

"_I've still got some way to go to be fully qualified…It's been hard at time…I don't hate it though… in its essence I do love how my ideas on a page could be brought to life in a structure that people can interact with-"_

"_That must be pretty amazing" Mercedes reflected, "Seeing people actually occupy the spaces you helped to create"_

"_Yeah it is" Sam nodded "I'm actually working on a new project- that I have to say I'm really excited about… a music school"_

"_Oh wow!" Mercedes said excitedly turning herself away from the window and towards him "I always wanted to do build a music school… Just giving kids the chance to enjoy music and nurture their talents- especially one's that don't have the opportunities to"_

"_Yes! That's exactly what this project is about" Sam replied, matching her passionate response with his own "Who knows…maybe after you light up the world –or your world…with your talent you might build your own school..."_

"_That would be wonderful" Mercedes smiled at the thought "A shame I can't hire you… I would love to have seen how your project it turns out"_

"_Yeah" Sam looked at Mercedes' wide brown eyes looking up at him brightly, he felt suddenly like he was suspended in that moment, afraid that he was going to fall "So do I""_

_._

_XXX_

_._

The timer rang and Sam went to remove the freshly baked cookies out of the oven. The smell was divine and just calling him to crack his reserve as he left them to cool outside.

He tentatively picked one up and attempted to take a bite

"Owwch" He retreated dropping the cookie onto the counter and nursed his burnt lips and tongue with a gulp of cold water.

XXX

"_You were right" Sam said when he found Mercedes putting her cookies straight from the oven onto the counter. He leaned against the counter and was sure he had caught their sweet nutty scent._

_His relationship with objects in Mercedes' world was still a confusing paradox. He could lean against walls or sit on surfaces, and it would support him. Sometimes he imagined that he could feel the objects, other times they were just there. But he still did not have the ability to affect cause, to pick up things or move them, apart from interacting with Mercedes. Mercedes was the anomaly, any time he was near her or touched her, it was like he was ten times more alive and alert than when he was interacting with things in his own world._

"_Right about what?" she asked, increasingly used to the strange comings and goings of Sam Evans._

"_I tried your mom's cookie recipe" Sam admired the batch that Mercedes had left to cool. _

_Mercedes stood still for a minute and looked in Sam's direction, maybe she was not as used to Sam's coming and goings as she thought._

"_Already?" _

"_Yeah…" Sam paused slightly confused by her response before continuing to fill her in "They were so irresistible when they came out of the oven that I ended up burning my mouth trying to taste them"_

"_Tell me about it- I learned the hard way too" Mercedes then shook her head thinking about what had happened, "So let me get this straight… two minutes ago you were watching me show you how to make these and now you're back having baked them yourself? Which by the way is pretty impressive that you even attempted to do so-"_

"_Really?" Sam eyes widened "Two minutes?"_

"_Odd….right? How long has it been for you?" Mercedes wrinkled her forehead ruminatively, before adding with a grin "And how did they taste?"_

"_Gosh. That is odd…it's been a week for me… Which I think is why I went ahead and tried to bake them…" Sam remembered the empty feeling of waking up night after dreamless night, then he looked up at her and grinned "… and they were delicious!Thouhg I bet yours taste way better though…"_

"_Oh well too bad you can't try them" Mercedes exaggerated a dismayed expression_

_Sam folded his arms and frowned childishly._

"_You're pouting now aren't you" She laughed. "Aww poor Sammy… wants a cookie…maybe I'll just have to try one for you"_

_Mercedes lifted a cookie from the rack and smelt it. _

"_Mmm" she smiled as the scent wafted up her nose "It's just so yummy and mouth-wateringly good…I'm just going to have to eat one now" _

_Then she took the cookie and began to slowly bring it to her mouth_

"_Meanie" Sam muttered, crossing his arms across the counter and placing one hand under his chin._

_Mercedes bit into the cookie _

"_Mmm-owww!" she yelped, dropping the cookie and placing her hand on her lips. _

"_Serves you right for taunting me!" Sam howled, unable to contain his laughter._

_Mercedes removed her fingers from her lips and looked down at the cookies _

"_You ok?" Sam's teasing tone changing to concern on her disappointing lack of a come back._

"_Yeah" Mercedes nodded "I swear I thought it had cooled"_

"_Gotta be careful…" Sam shook has head returning to his gently mocking tone "You warned me about not rushing to taste them" _

_Mercedes rolled her eyes and shook her head._

_._

_XXX_

_._

"Get over here Mike! Your grandma is thrashing me" Sam called from the coffee table

"He knows better than to play against me" Mikes grandmother responded, adjusting her glasses on her nose.

"She's right, Sam" Mike nodded "You're on your own man!"

"I can't believe it!" Sam chided "I thought you were my friend"

Mike froze for a moment, then laughed with Sam.

He had had noticed it for a couple of weeks now.

It was not that he had _never_ this seen Sam before, he had surfaced in the time as he had got to know him. Yet even then it always seemed like there was something weighing him down. These days though, Mike thought, as looked at the permanent grin as he played cards with his grandma it seemed more sustained.

He noticed it as Sam sat with them at Christmas dinner, chatting away about how good the food was, there was a jittery lightness in him that could not be contained.

It was in his humming as he helped Tina put away the plates afterwards. The extra perk of energy as he listened intently to Chloe ramble on about the cartoon she was watching.

It was Sam, only freer.

He wondered what brought this shift. Maybe things were going well at work. Or maybe he was finally moving on after Stacey. Mike wondered if he had met someone.

He hoped it meant that Sam had stopped having his strange dreams. He would be relieved if he did not have to worry about that any more.

Whatever it was that had caused it, Mike was glad to see it.

XXX

_._

_Sam spied the guitar against the wall in the room where Mercedes was playing the piano._

"_Do you play guitar too?" Sam wondered_

"_No…" Mercedes said, turning towards Sam's reflection and realising what he had been looking at "Do you?"_

"_I used to" Sam said _

"_Really!" Mercedes was excited at the prospect. _

"_I don't really play that much now though" He sighed _

"_That's a shame…I wish I could play" Mercedes thought out loud "I mean it's silly…I don't know, that guitar it's just been here…I've never really picked it up- I forgot it was even there until you mentioned it… So, why did you stop?"_

"_Work, life…I guess I lost my inspiration too" Sam smiled wryly at Mercedes and._

_Mercedes nodded, remembering what she had said to Sam._

"_You know, I could teach you" Sam said "If you really want to learn"_

"_How are you going to do that?" She looked at him, the obvious situation glaring at them both._

_Sam looked at Mercedes then the guitar._

"_Get the guitar" Sam ordered._

"_Er...ok" Mercedes responded, slightly taken aback by his sudden taking control of the situation, but following through anyway by grabbing the guitar from the wall and looking around for Sam, sensing him to be moving his position._

"_Ok … now come over here and sit down" Sam was sitting against the glass door that lead out into the garden._

_Mercedes complied, following his voice and seeing his reflection at the glass. She had to admit there was something quite alluring about this more commanding Sam. She sat opposite him, crossing her legs and angled her self slightly so she partially faced him and his reflection, placing the body of the guitar on her legs against her._

"_So you just gotta hold the neck with your other hand- that's it" he said as her fingers curled around it._

_Mercedes strummed it._

"_Hmmm" Sam decided "Ok so you need to turn these tuners here just to adjust it a little and then maybe I can teach you a few chords" _

_Mercedes watched as Sam attempted to guide her through the reflection._

"_I'm not sure if this is… working" Mercedes said as she struggled to translate the reflections._

"_I got an idea" Sam said suddenly._

_She felt him come nearer to her. Sam positioned himself next to Mercedes, slightly to the left and behind her._

_His arms slinked around her gently, a warm secure blanket against her, she looked at the reflection of Sam sitting close by, his left and right hands meeting hers as she held the guitar._

"_You can feel my hands can't you?" Sam thought he knew she could, sensing her heighted response to him, the way she became more vigilant and attentive, like he would too, he had just never really confirmed it._

"_Y-yes" She swallowed, nodding to gain control her response. "I can"_

"_Ok, so where you feel them, that's where you follow with your hands" Sam instructed, ignoring the intensity of the vibrations overcoming him, that made him aware of his heart beating faster, again making him wonder how it was that he was with her in this world. _

"_Ok" Mercedes, sighed, he fingers brushed against Sam's "It's still a little tricky though"_

"_I'll guide you" Sam said gently reassuring "Here… press here…that's it…in the space"_

_Mercedes complied pressing the string with her finger tips, feeling it dent a ridge in her finger as she pushed against it, using the reflection and her feeling of Sam's hands against hers to guide her._

"_That's it" Sam smiled "Perfect…now just pluck the string … "_

_The sound of the E string filled the air_

"_Well done!"_

_They went through each string, Sam talking her through each one as she listened and followed intently his instructions. She followed his fingers, placing them alongside his. She would feel spark of energy when their hands touched, and then he would move his hand to allow her to press the string her self._

"_Okay now I'll teach you a chord or two" Sam said, triumphantly "How about you pick one"_

"_Er..ok…D?"_

"_D it is" Sam acknowledged "Ok just press with your fore finger ….like so"_

_Sam placed his finger against a string, not really sure if he was imagining that he had felt it or not. Mercedes followed his movement through the glass, her finger feeling the increased energy as it neared his. Sam watched as her fingers pressed the string stopping right where his own was. He steadied his breath. _

"_That ok?" She asked_

"_Perfect" Sam replied, "Ok, so now with your middle finger…you place it like so" _

_Sam pressed the string, did he just press it? He wondered. Mercedes followed Sam, again feeling the energy increase where his finger was, this time as she pressed it, she felt her hand brush against his, not just as a spark of energy, but almost as if her own skin had brushed against his. She felt the energy demise slightly as Sam moved his finger._

_Sam guided her to press the third string, she followed as he moved his third finger, struggling a little as her fingers twisted to press all three together._

"_Oops" she sighed, trying to concentrate, her fingers fumbling._

"_You're doing great" Sam reassured "Maybe…if I"_

_Mercedes could no longer discern what she was feeling. Sam's energy had wrapped around her fingers, she was moving her hand, no he was moving her hand. He had taken her hand, he took her index finger, it was as if it was there was a light, the world opening up in the palm of her hand, as he took it and replaced it where it had been, then he did the same with her middle finger and ring finger, each time shards of energy shooting up her arm and spreading throughout her body._

_In that moment, as she sat, enveloped in Sam's presence, carefully following his lead, she could feel him, not just the energy that emanated from him, but his whole being. _

_He was holding her hand, taking them and playing through her. She was sure she could see him, as he guided her, he was with her, lost in the cocoon they had built together._

_It was as if the invisible barrier between Mercedes' world and Sam, was melting away as he played through her. They were giving each other presence, and life with every touch every movement, until they were in tune, in harmony. She could see it. She could see his fingers, which she traced with her eyes, his hands, his arms, and shoulders, his chin near her head. She could see him._

_She stopped and turned to look at him, Sam was confused as to why she had stopped, and let go. Then he realised. Mercedes was looking at him, directly at him._

_Mercedes looked intently at his features. His nose, the large pink lips contrasted against his pale skin and those green eyes. Sam looked back at her face, frozen under her gaze as she remained still, taking him in. _

_Then slowly her expression faltered, her eyes searching, narrowing desperately as if she was trying to catch something she had lost. He began to disappear again, his features dissolving away, his green eyes blinking at her one last time._

_He was still with her though, she could still feel him, his arms around her, they sat in silence, wondering what had happened, before he was completely gone._

_XXX_

Sam picked up his guitar, once again for the second time in years and began to play.

As he did so, he could not stop thinking about his last time with her. The way she felt near him. The sense of the world around them opening as they played together and yet not mattering at the same time. The way she looked at him.

There were times she had done so before, where he felt like she was looking right at him. But this time she it was as if she was actually seeing him.

She had seen him for a moment. A fleeting moment and then it was gone.

.

XXX

_._

_The light shimmered against Mercedes' shoulder. Though buried in her notebook, scribbling away at the pages, her pace slowed to a stop as Sam appeared, she took a deep breath into her lungs and looked up around her._

"_Hello again" Sam spoke, which guided Mercedes' gaze towards his direction_

"_Hi" Mercedes responded._

_Sam sat in the seat next to her, at her desk. He looked up out of window, noticing green shoots starting to blossom._

"_You came back" Mercedes spoke at the sensation of energy that planted itself next to her, already her body and soul responding to it, breathing fresh life into her._

"_Of course I-"Sam was about to respond, then he realised his powerlessness, he wished he could seek her himself rather than rely on whatever forces of the universe were bringing him to her, he was just lucky that he would return to Mercedes,. "Yeah- I came back"_

"_Great" Mercedes replied, her voice a little cold, which made Sam flinch slightly._

_There was a long pause as Mercedes continued writing in her notebook._

_Sam could tell something was wrong, but could not understand what._

"_Are you alright?"_

"_Yes" She lied, her eyes never leaving the pages "I'm just… busy"_

_Sam studied her as she continued to scribble away._

"_Mercedes- if I've done something wrong…"_

"_Nothing wrong, Sam, like I said I'm just busy"_

_Mercedes felt bad for being mad at him. She knew it wasn't really his fault. _

"_Okay...well…I would go and leave you to do what whatever it is you're doing…but.. er as you know.. I'm stuck so I'll just sit and wait I guess"_

"_Sure" another curt response from Mercedes, she didn't look up as she continued to write._

_Sam sat and started to look around, the he started whistling._

_Mercedes froze for a moment and then carried on, pretending to busy her self with her writing, but it was impossible for her to ignore it after a while._

"_Can you stop that?" she cut in curtly_

"_Stop what?" Sam pretended to be unaware_

"_Just stop whistling" Mercedes retorted._

"_Oh tha?" Sam feigned realisation, "Sorry… I'll stop"_

_Sam began humming._

"_Quit it Sam!" Mercedes looked sharply at his reflection._

"_What?" Sam shrugged his deviously innocent green eyes round and child like, she knew that he knew, he was being annoying._

"_I need to concentrate okay?" she turned around away the mirror._

_Sam nodded._

"_I'm sorry I'll try and be quiet" he said seriously and then grinned sheepishly as Mercedes turned back to her desk._

_Sam stood up and started walking around the room. He decided to try and see how his interactions with Mercedes' world was coming along, and thought he might try reaching for a necklace with a musical note pendant, that was hanging on Mercedes' dresser. _

_He would try to move it._

_He stood a while, grasping at it, his fingers grazing them but never really doing much. He tried again focusing his attention on it. He wrapped his fingers gently around the pendant. It was like he could sort of touch it, and almost feel it cold against his skin, but still, as he tried once again to lift it, nothing happened. Sam shook his hands and again tried this time with his thumb and forefinger to pick it up._

"_Sam?" Sam stood upright on hearing Mercedes' call him. He turned his attention back towards her, he could have sworn that at that moment, the metal note head swayed slightly as his hand brushed against it when he turned himself._

"_Yes, Mercedes?"_

_Mercedes had felt his energy move around the room at first and chose to ignore it. It was when had he stopped altogether that she began to wonder what he was up to. She knew he was still in the room, because she could still feel him but he was now being quiet and somehow that annoyed her even more._

"_What are you up to?" Mercedes was standing up now facing Sam's mirror image. "You're being…really…quiet"_

"_I thought you said you were really busy?" Sam folded his arms a smile playing on his lips._

_Mercedes closed her eyes and shook her head._

"_Yeah…but…you're just…really…" Mercedes sighed and getting up and slumping onto her bed speechless._

_Sam watched her trying to understand, he could sense that there was more to her demeanour than just being busy._

"_Mercedes… please…there is something wrong, isn't there?… What is it?"_

"_You don't get to ask me that Sam" Mercedes closed her eyes shook her head._

"_What do you mean?" Sam frowned_

"_You don't get to ask me if I'm okay and have me spill my guts out to you with your mesmerising green eyes only for you to disappear again…and not come back until goodness knows when"_

_Sam was silent._

"_Do you how long it's been since you last came?" Mercedes back straightened._

_Sam let her question hang in the air without attempting an answer. For him it was only just two nights ago that he was teaching her to play the guitar. After that experience, her response to him was jarring._

"_And I know it's not your fault and that you can't control it and it just comes and goes and whatever…but I can't sit around waiting for you…and yet that's what I end up doing and I hate you for it… most of all I hate myself for it"_

_Sam reflected on her words. He felt awful. He would get frustrated that he was not able to see her whenever he wanted. Yes he might have felt powerless about it, but he was the one coming in and out of her world. It did not impact his life because he knew that when he would go to sleep, he hoped that might see her. But for Mercedes, she was trying to live her life and she had no way of knowing if or when he would appear, she was the one accommodating him._

"_Mercedes-I didn't realise" Sam uttered the words emphatically "…I'm sorry. If you want me to go…I could just try and stay out of your way until I do"_

"_No Sam…that's the problem… I want you to stay" Mercedes said simply and sighed._

"_It's just I think that you're here then you go…then I hope you come back soon and then soon turns into longer… and there's not pattern to it"_

"_I don't want to hold you back… leave you hanging…and I hate that I can't be here all the time…Mercedes… a part of me would love for you to be sitting around waiting for me…. but that's not fair on you…"_

_Mercedes was silent. Sam continued._

"_You have dreams and talents, and you need to live them... whether I'm here or not…promise me Mercedes you won't let me hold you back… "_

_Mercedes looked up into the space where he was. The empty space that she knew he was occupying._

"_I'll try and be here if I have any power in doing so…but whatever happens…. promise me you'll live… for you"_

_Mercedes sighed the air heavy with his words "I promise"_

_X_

Sam placed the tea packet on the counter.

"So, how are you, Sam?" Mike's grandma smiled at him and scanned it.

"Alright thanks, Mrs Chang" Sam nodded "Mike at the hospital today?"

"He got called out on an emergency" She nodded "How is the New Year treating you?"

"Good so far thanks" Sam smiled, as he handed her his payment. "Yours?"

"Another year I did not expect to be blessed with" Mrs Chang smiled as she entered the amount into the till "So I have to say very well- although Mike still is trying to get me to retire"

"So what's your secret?" Sam eyed the older woman curiously.

"You see that picture up there" she pointed to ink painting above the counter.

"Yes" Sam responded, wondering where this was going.

"Zhuangzi and the butterfly" she continued "Zhuangzi dreamed he was a butterfly, it was so real that when he woke up, he wondered if he actually was Zhuangzi who had dreamt that he was a butterfly or if he was the butterfly dreaming that he was Zhuangzi"

"Wow…how intriguing" Sam could not help but think of his own dreams of Mercedes, as she spoke.

"The thing is though, Sam, our whole lives are like a dream, it passes by so quickly before you know it, so I say – my secret if you will- is to _let go_…don't hold onto things, …and don't hold on to people – they aren't yours to keep- but"

She gave him a sad smile and looked him in the eyes "love them anyway"

Sam smiled and nodded, taking in what she was saying as he put his wallet away.

"Thanks Mrs Chang"

"Thank you, Sam" she said as she handed him the bag with his purchase "Don't forget- we still have to finish that card game"

XX

"_I like this one" Sam said, attempting to pick up the navy blue dress, but failing miserably to lift it as he reclined on her bed, with his legs outstretched._

"_I'm not sure… I really want to make a good impression" Mercedes said as she laid out the different out fits on her bed._

"_The minute you start singing they'll hire you to perform there every night" Sam sighed as he surveyed the different items scattered around him "doesn't matter what you're wearing"_

"_Sam" Mercedes shook her head and glared at Sam "You're not helping"_

"_This pink one then" Sam said, looking back at the pink shirt with gold flecks around the neck and dark jeans combination she had tried. _

"_I shouldn't have asked you" Mercedes said, taking instead the red wrap around dress and heading behind the screen. _

"_To be fair I involved myself in this process" Sam admitted, he looked away slightly as he caught a flash of her silhouette against the screen._

"_Well, you always do show up at the right moment" she proclaimed as she adjusted the dress and tied it on the side. _

_She walked from behind the screen and looked at him expectantly._

"_Well?"_

_Sam looked up._

"_Wow…." He caught himself from drooling and stumbled over his speechlessness, but eventually found the words "Stunning... you look stunning"_

"_Thanks" she smiled as she smoothed the dress downwards._

"_Though I'm not entirely comfortable with you wearing that" he interjected, causing Mercedes face to grow serious "Cause it's making me a little jealous that other people… will get to see you like this"_

"_Sam" Mercedes shook her head, a little flattered but equally annoyed _

"_I know I know… at least I'm owning it though" he sighed._

"_You know Sam" Mercedes began tentatively "You don't really have anything to worry about …"_

"_No Mercedes…I'm being selfish" Sam shook his head, trying again to pick up the blue dress next to him. "You're going to be amazing- and nothing is going to stop you from shining"_

_X_

"Noah?" Sam was sure it was him, standing at the corner of the street, dressed in a sharp charcoal suit and tie, with a dark overcoat, looking like he was waiting for someone. "Noah Puckerman?"

The man with short cropped, almost shaven hair looked at him and studied him.

"Sam Evans!" He smiled and nodded, shaking Sam's hand. "How are you?"

"I'm ok…thank you?" Sam beamed at his old friend whom he had lost contact with "After college…you just disappeared…how are you? What are you up to?"

"Alright, thanks" Noah replied "I work as an analyst. Hey I remember you getting that internship with that Anderson firm right just before we left college?"

"Yeah" Sam nodded "That's right- got a permanent position with them too"

"That's great…you know, Sam, I'm sorry about what happened to your family" Noah said suddenly, his tone changing

"It's alright… it's a long time ago now" Sam waved hand and dropped it, not willing to launch into it all at this point.

"It's easy to get lost" Noah began "Be careful okay"

"I'm sorry?" Sam grew confused.

"Don't get lost" Noah said seriously. "And don't let _her _get lost"

"What?" Sam shook his head and furrowed his brow.

"You know what I mean" Noah replied, then his face brightened "Great seeing you again, Sam"

Noah Puckerman walked away from Sam, leaving him standing the side walk, perplexed, watching his old friend disappear into the crowd.

X

_Her hair and shirt were blowing in the wind, she sat on the sand staring out into the ocean, her jeans rolled up to her calves, barefoot, feeling the grains between her toes._

_Sam approached her._

_Mercedes smiled, her heart rate already raised._

"_How long has it been?" Sam asked_

"_A while" Mercedes nodded_

"_Sorry"_

"_It's ok" Mercedes responded she looked to her right side, where she knew he had sat down next to hear on the sand "Really it is"_

"_So you decided to come to the beach?" Sam uttered after a pause._

"_Looks like it" she replied_

"_Stacey loved the beach" Sam remembered "She liked that you could feel like a part of forever just staring out in to the ocean"_

"_Mmmm…" Mercedes smiled her eyes on the disappearing horizon. "She sounds very wise"_

"_She was… after the accident, when it was just us two...I used to take her to the beach…... it helped a lot" Sam swallowed_

"_I'm sure it did" Mercedes said gently, looking in the direction his voice was coming from._

"_There's a part of me that wonders why she should have survived the accident only to have to then suffered…but then I'm grateful that she did survive…because she helped me to survive"_

_Mercedes nodded, she could understand that._

"_Seems selfish doesn't it?" Sam asked, the question a dead weight in the air and Mercedes paused, wondering if it was, wondering if she was being selfish right now._

"_You and her, you were all each other had left" Mercedes replied_

"_Yeah…we were. It was like she became my purpose to keep on going" Sam continued "then after she passed away- I didn't even know whether I could keep going"_

_Mercedes place a hand in Sam's direction, wanting to comfort him somehow, then she felt a wave of energy encompass her hand and fingers, shooting up her arm and across her body. Sam had taken her hand in his, and was holding it, she could feel it, the warmth._

"_You sound like you were a remarkable brother … and you did everything you could to take care of her and yourself… you should be proud Sam"_

_Sam smiled and squeezed her hand, not willing to let go of it just yet. _

_Mercedes was struck once again by the sensation, as she looked at her hand she imagined seeing his fingers, tracing with her eyes his hands and arm up to his shoulder then his neck across his face, to his eyes. She could have sworn she was looking right at his eyes. Not just imaging them, but actually looking at them, like she had that time when he was teaching her to play the guitar. _

_Sam froze, she was looking right at him, as if she was really seeing him._

_She broke away her gaze and looked back out onto the ocean, taking her hand and wrapping it around her other one. Confused by what had happened. _

"_You felt that?" Sam dared to ask. _

"_I don't know what I felt" Mercedes said._

_Sam's eyes remained trained on her, he took in her profile wondering if she had actually seen him or if he had just imagined it. He looked out onto the ocean and they sat in silence for a moment, he thought about all the times he had dreamt of Mercedes._

"_Sometimes…you look at me…and I think you can see me" Sam watched her blink as he spoke._

"_Sometimes I think that I can see you" She responded. "I can't tell if I'm imagining or not"_

"_I wonder if it would ever be possible" Sam considered, after a while he then spoke again "Can I tell you something?" _

_Mercedes nodded facing him slightly._

"_It was after Stacey died that I started seeing you in my dreams"_

"_Really?"_

"_Yeah…Only that dream …" Sam paused thinking about that first recurring dream of Mercedes. "It was different…"_

"_Different…" Mercedes raised an eyebrow "how?"_

_Sam was not sure if he should go on, if he should tell her about what he saw, the events of dream began passing over his mind, bringing back the emotions that came with it, until the ocean had disappeared and Mercedes was no longer by his side. _

_It was night time, there was commotion, people were confused, crowds of people shouting _

"_Mercy!" he had heard a shout._

_Sam looked around him. _

_He was there again only this time she had already been shot. She was on the carpet and people were rushing around her, Sam looked around him, he was being held back by bodyguards._

"_Mercedes!" he shouted painfully._

"_What?!" Mercedes jumped up and looked around. "Sam? What's wrong?"_

_Sam was gasping, as he realised he was back at the beach, back sitting next to Mercedes, who was now looking in his direction fearfully._

"_Sam? Are you okay?" Mercedes repeated her question._

_He reached out to Mercedes, placing his hands on her shoulders and studying her._

"_You're really here?" Sam began to find his voice "You're ok?"_

"_Of course I'm ok…Sam… what's wrong?" her eyes wide with concern._

_Sam just looked at her and then hugged her afraid to let her go. Mercedes could feel herself getting overwhelmed by his heightened energy encircling her._

"_Sam, you're scaring me…please tell me what's wrong?"_

"_I just went there…" Sam said as he let go of Mercedes "I went to that dream…only now… I don't know…I don't know if it ever was a dream"_


	11. Chapter 11

**Hello lovely readers,**

**I'm so sorry that has been so long since an update for this story. I know where I want the story to go, but I had real block and lack of inspiration in writing myself there. This chapter was a start towards that place… if the lack of movement in this chapter is any consolation I'm hoping to publish the next chapter very soon!**

**Once again thank you for all the reviews/alerts/favorites and just reading this little Samcedian tale- it has really been appreciated.**

**Glee does not belong to me.**

**Chapter 11: Knowing you know nothing**

"_I don't know" _

"I don't know" Sam repeated as he woke up, his head a sweaty pounding mass against his pillow.

Munchies sat up right on the floor to his side, her coffee- brown eyes anxiously trained on him.

Sam sighed and lifted himself up. He sat up trying to steady his breathing.

"It's ok Munchies" he reassured her, unconvincingly.

Munchies whimpered in response.

He threw his legs over the bed shaking his head.

"What am I supposed to do?" Sam rested his head against his hand. "I don't know what to do."

He closed his eyes and saw the image of Mercedes at the beach anxiously looking at him against his lids. Then he saw a goddess in sapphire collapse on the ground and his helplessness to do anything about it.

Sam thought about it further as he stumbled into the shower. He had not wanted to think about it. He had accepted that Mercedes was living in another world, but that she was living and that she was real. However, even still she lived in a world that he could only reach by closing his eyes and hoping to catch a glimpse of her in his dreams. She was almost to him a heavenly creature and yet so authentic at the same time. He was enraptured by her, so caught up in his visits, he had forgotten that strange first vision of her that sent him searching for a mirage for a year, he had stopped trying to work things out.

Yet even that apparent fantasy he knew was really not enough and though he could feel himself increasingly want more, he dare not let himself wish for it, for it was only more that he could not have. Maybe it was also because he did not want to let go, to lose what he had that he dared not think too deeply about any of it, that he dare not ask, rather just accept what he got. It was paradoxical but it made sense to him in a way to just allow himself to get swept up by the bliss of it, afraid if he did more processing outside of his dreams, beyond simply drawing her, that he would have lost her forever somehow.

Yet now it was glaring him in the face, everything that he had avoided thinking about, now came crashing back. The vision, so vivid, that showed him something dreadful happening, threatening to take her away from him altogether. It's stark contrast to all his other dreams of Mercedes like a wedge in his mind. It was the first dream, the dream he should never have forgotten, no matter how painful to face up to.

The most striking difference in that first dream was how Sam interacted with it, he was not some just presence, he was able to touch and hold things, people could see him, Mercedes could see him directly. She recognised him too, Sam realised, she didn't seem to say much, but it was like some part of her knew who he was.

Was this dream even real in the same way later ones were? Yet to question the reality of dream would be to question the reality of the others and that was something he dare not do.

After brewing a cup of coffee, and allowing the shock and confusion to settle Sam took out his sketchbooks of Mercedes that he had accumulated, each visit inspiring more drawings. He pieced together the fragments of his dreams devotedly translated onto the pages and tried to make sense of what was happening.

Sam's sketches were spread across the floor as he looked at each in turn, trying to piece together the images of his dreams. Hoping that clues might surface as to what was happening to him, to Mercedes.

He was already aware of skipping time and it not being linear with his visits to Mercedes that he had been having, their experience of each other in time was different and could be sporadic, back and forth. He did not know how it was that he could even know that Mercedes was going to be in trouble in the first dream, but somehow he did. He imagined that if this event was in any way real- it must be in Mercedes' future, she becomes famous for her music and performances until one day some crazed fan maybe takes things too far.

Sam could feel a wave of guilt rise up inside him. What if he had missed the point all along? What if he was actually sent to her world to warn her, to save her somehow? What if his neglect of what had seen night after night, was putting her in danger?

Sam looked at his clock and realised he would have to get himself ready for work. It was excruciating for Sam to put aside this revelation but he was due to meet Cooper first thing so they could make their way to the RJ estate. It being RJ, everything had an air of urgency and expectancy about it, and Cooper was insistent that they were overly prepared. Sam hoped he would be able to stay focused.

RJ was already ready and waiting to greet them, as he waved at the two men from where he stood watching as Cooper parked the car, into the patch of tarmac leading on the ample stretch of land belonging to RJ.

Sam and Cooper stepped out of the car, and made their way to RJ who was already ambling towards them, dressed casually in a pair of light trousers and a navy blazer over his white shirt.

"Good Morning!" RJ beamed at them both, shaking each man's hand in turn. "Cooper, Sam how are you both?"

"Great thanks, RJ" Cooper responded "Great to finally get started- How are you?"

"I know how you feel- I'm pretty excited myself. How are you Sam?" RJ waited for Sam's response expectantly noticing the younger man seemed rather distracted.

Sam looked up his slightly distant expression was removed by the same warm smile he had given RJ just minutes earlier before disappearing into himself.

"Very well, thank you sir" Sam responded, trying not to look to surprised at having the attention put on him like an oversized spotlight "How are you?"

"Glad to hear it" RJ replied, nodding curiously at Sam "And I'm alright thanks. So what do you guys say we get this thing off the ground!"

"Of course" Cooper chimed, oblivious to Sam's preoccupation, he had been chattering away excitedly in the car journey and simply had put Sam's quieter demeanour down to nerves about being on such an important project "And hopefully that is exactly what we'll do"

"You know my dream is for this thing to be finished in a year-" RJ teased though his sentiment was serious.

"Well we hope so…lets see what we can do!" Cooper gave a willing but demure assurance.

Sam tried to stay focused as the two men continued in their banter.

"My people can work around the clock you know" RJ pressed, his brown eyes squinting playfully, once again Sam was struck by their deep soulfulness, which began to carry his thoughts away again to Mercedes.

"Well let's see how it goes and do the best we can, how about that Sir?" Cooper replied coolly with a smile.

"Just like your father, Anderson!" RJ shook his head and smiled to which Cooper laughed. "Ok well I want you guys to have a good look around and see the space and Sam- "

Sam looked up at RJ, having nearly slipped away again as he stared off into the horizon, he was trying desperately hard to remain professional and engaged.

"Yes, Sir?" he responded almost like a solider being called to attention.

"You know…I think based on some of the ideas you gave me in our last meeting- you are going to love seeing this place in real life!"

Sam smiled and nodded as he followed RJ and Cooper's lead to the main plot for development.

A lot of the research in the area had been done by RJ and Anderson team and Sam had seen many pictures of it already, but RJ was right, something about seeing it real life was quite spectacular. It was a vast and relatively flat piece of land which was perfect practically for the logistics of constructing something there and a dream to plan for, though it was also on a slight hill it over looked the rest of the land, allowing for a great view of the area. There was something about being there made Sam's heart leap inside and beat vigorously in his chest, like it was trying to tell him something.

It was the maple tress lining one area and in the distance, that Sam noticed, in full blossom that reminded him of her again. He took a picture of them with his camera unthinkingly trying to capture them.

"Those are my favourite" RJ ventured, as he stood alongside Sam causing Sam once again to feel caught of guard by RJ, although he sensed a gentleness in his tone "I'd really like to keep them as part of the overall feel of the place"

"I think that would great" Sam said, he did not know if it was the dream that he had last night or something about those blossoms, but he could feel himself close to her and it made him miss her intensely inside.

"So as you know, it's another, twenty minute walk or so to get to the lake from here, and then on the other side of the lake itself, is the old house" RJ continued to explain.

Sam remembered this from the plans of the land he had studied from the brief, it was already clear that it was to be left alone, but something in RJ's tone of voice suggested he was trying to divulge something more.

"It means a lot to me to try to preserve it- its where my wife and I used to live with the kids, before she passed away, it was the family home…"

"I understand" Sam nodded, sensing the heartbreak in RJ's voice "Does anyone still live there now?"

"Not really" RJ sighed "my wife died ten years ago and then well it was hard for the kids, and all of us really…"

"I can imagine" Sam responded "It's always hard to lose those you love"

"That's right" RJ studied Sam for a moment and when Sam made eye contact his eyes darted away abruptly.

"We'll do our best, Sir" Sam said nodding and turning to RJ "To give the new neighbouring building, heart"

RJ smiled, Sam had understood.

"_Sam!" Mercedes called. _

_Sam looked around, he was standing in Mercedes' garden and could see her inside turning herself towards the glass door._

_She pushed opened the door and ran out towards him, barefoot across the grass._

"_Sam? Are you still here?" Mercedes called out to the space, certain that she could feel his presence._

"_Yes, I'm here." Sam reassured "I'm right here"_

_Mercedes looked up in front of her, directed by the sound of his voice, he _was_ there, she confirmed, as relief washed over. Sam placed his arms around Mercedes, drawing her close to him and embracing her, his own need to be near her in that moment matching hers. She allowed her self to be gathered up by him, although still an intense sensation, she felt herself relax into him, the strength of his energy supporting her, she could have stayed that way forever, and for a long while the two of them just stood there, two souls connected, in silence_

"_I caught a glimpse of your reflection against the glass" she began her body still against his presence, her concern for him now overtaking her "I've been so worried"_

"_Oh, Mercedes, I'm so sorry" Sam said "I didn't mean to scare you"_

"_What happened Sam?" Mercedes asked "The last time I saw you, you were screaming my name…you were so …terrified..."_

_Sam flinched at the thought. He reluctantly loosened his embrace around her to look at her, "I need you to remind me about what we were talking about before"_

_Mercedes looked up towards where she knew his eyes to be._

"_The first dream you ever had of me"_

_Sam took a deep breath, feeling the tide of emotion connected to that dream threatening to come back. He remembered images of his sketches on the floor and shook his head._

"_Mercedes" Sam began "I've been trying to work something out… can we go sit down somewhere and talk?" _

"_Lets go down to the lake" she said, knowing it was somewhere she felt comfortable, and sensing his serious tone was afraid of whatever he was about to say. Deep down inside, she was always anxious of the day that he would leave forever and not return. or the day that would confirm if maybe he really was a lost soul and that she was responsible for keeping him from moving on, or maybe the day that would show her that he really was just in her mind, that she was crazy. She wanted to hang on to him, just one more time if she could._

"_Ok" Sam nodded, maybe something about how she looked at him in timid hope made it impossible for him to let go, he was unsure of how and what to tell her, and how she would respond, and the slow walk to the lake may allow them both just a little longer to just be in blissful ignorance together._

_They walked to end of the garden, through a gate and out onto open fields on a path beneath the maple trees that led to the lake. As they walked, Mercedes smiled and looked to her side in his direction. Sam noticed the playful look in her eyes, like she was remembering something and wanted him to remember too._

"_You nearly gave me a heart attack that time you first came here" she reminisced _

_Sam laughed. He remembered this path now, walking down it and seeing her sitting by the lake, how he had practically chased her down this path. Then he remembered how it was the first dream he had that was not his recurring one of Mercedes getting shot. He closed his eyes and shook his head again at how he was unable to just enjoy the moment. The weight of the vision hanging over him haunting him; but the reality was that he knew that he had to do something about it, even if he was not quite sure what._

_Mercedes noticed his demeanour change and looked down onto the path despondently._

_Sam felt guilty, it was as if he was crushing her spirit, he knew he was alarming her inside and hated it. He gently slid his hand next to hers, holding it as they walked in silence. until they reached the stone bench that Mercedes had sat at all those months ago._

_Sam smiled this time when he saw it, remembering her huddled in her blanket._

"_I didn't understand why you were running away from me" Sam mused._

"_I thought I was going crazy" Mercedes shook her head her smile fading as she inhaled back a painful grimace, which was not lost on Sam._

_They sat down at the bench, Sam still holding her hand, a sensation for her that was warmer and more encompassing than the blanked she had tripped on that day._

_They watched the lake for a while._

_Silence._

"_I'm not sure I want to know, but I think you need to tell me what's going on, Sam" Mercedes urged, turning her self valiantly towards him._

_Mercedes could feel both of her hands now being taken up in Sam's as he lifted them up gently._

"_Mercedes" Sam sighed, looking at her small brown hands cradled in his, it was a shame she could not see how perfectly they fit there in that moment, "Being with you, ever since I've come, has been wonderful, and mystical and I've cherished every moment that has allowed me to do so, being able to fall asleep and wake up to see your beautiful face and smile… I'm eternally grateful for it"_

_Mercedes looked down, self-conscious at his words. Sam would have smiled at that, if he did not have such a weighty thing to disclose to her next._

"_I've never wanted to interfere in your life here, because I know that that's not fair on you, so I've just accepted that the best I get, is to watch you and be alongside you for now, for however long I got….waiting for whenever …for…but" _

_Mercedes could feel the tears well up inside her, he was going to say goodbye now, she knew it._

"_The thing is, Mercedes, I think I'm supposed to interfere" Sam continued_

_Mercedes back straightened and her eyes narrowed in his direction._

"_What do you mean?" She ventured._

"_The first dream I ever had of you, I was running… dreams are funny because, when you're in them it all makes sense, even if it doesn't, in the dream you know what you're doing and why, in that dream, I knew I had three minutes, I had three minutes to get somewhere, I had three minutes to get to you."_

"_To me?" Her eyes widened and she shook her head trying to comprehend what Sam was trying to say "Why?"_

_Sam closed his eyes and swallowed._

"_I'm running as fast as I can to get to where you are, and I see you, you look gorgeous, you're on a red carpet walking towards your limousine, and there were people calling your name, you're like this bright super star, that everyone wants to catch, I'm trying to call you like the rest of them, but I have to get through all these people to reach you, then I finally get to you, you seem to recognise me, and I know you, and I'm telling you to get inside before it's too late…"_

"_Too late?"_

_Sam released a small soft snigger softly at the familiarity of her response._

"_You were trying to understand, and then I become desperate to get you inside the limo, because we don't have much time left… but the minute I touch you, your bodyguards-"_

"_Bodyguards?" Mercedes was trying to keep up._

"_Yeah your body guards" Sam repeated aware the story was sounding increasingly fantastical to Mercedes "they pull me back and then…"_

"_Then… what?" Mercedes eye brows rose expectantly._

"_Shots… get fired" Sam uttered, finding the final part of the account hardest to tell, his voice low almost breaking "and then…you fall…"_

"_You mean I get shot?" Mercedes words were plain._

_Sam nodded slowly, remembering that she could not see him and was still waiting expectantly, he replied "Yes Mercedes…you get shot"_

_Mercedes sat stunned, she removed her hands from Sam's and placed her palms together, turning her self away from Sam she straightened her back and inhaled deeply, as if trying to inhale and absorb his words, before collapsing her posture with a deep sigh, she brushed back the hair from her face, shaking her head._

"_I don't understand" Mercedes shook her head once more and turned to Sam, her forehead wrinkling in confusion "Why are you telling me this? You think I'm actually going to get shot?"_

"_I don't know" Sam shrugged emphatically "But… I think that that's why I've been brought to you…to stop it somehow"_

"_But it's just a dream, isn't it?" Mercedes questioned._

"_I could say that for me this is all a dream" Sam reminded her, which even though she knew it was true for Sam, still hit Mercedes hard and left her feeling vulnerable._

"_But that.. that '_dream_' is so different- I mean how is it I could even see you? How is it people were even able to hold you back when I can't even see you properly now and you can't even touch things properly?" _

"_I don't know" Sam said, her challenges were correct, he had asked himself those same perplexing questions "But I think it might be some kind of future event for you"_

"_With limousines and body guards and red carpets?" Mercedes shook her head incredulously and raised an eye brow, it sounded like a weird joke but Sam's seriousness did not suggest so "You're telling me that all that is in the future too?"_

"_I guess so…It's not really surprising if you ask me…but that's beside the point" Sam paused before continued "I don't know for sure…but you see-"_

"_You don't know?" Mercedes repeated, anger in her voice rising "YOU DON'T KNOW… can you hear yourself Sam?"_

"_All I know, is that if there is any possibility of it being real, I have to warn you...I have to do something"_

"_We don't know anything…When? Where? How?" Mercedes said "What do you want me to do? Avoid all limousines and red carpet events?- Which is not exactly something I have to worry about right now…and even if it is true and I end up becoming some kind of famous star… celebrity person…whatever…then what? Don't perform…stop singing?…Avoid any publicity or limelight…in case I- I die?"_

"_No… Mercedes…of course you should keep singing and performing…" Sam felt like he was trying to catch up with where Mercedes was, as she went from shock, to disbelief then confusion and now this mix of anger and trying to rationalise it all. "I just want you to be careful… that's all…to just beware…in case…"_

"_I get shot…" she snapped, which instantly felt bad for doing at him. It was not that she did not believe him, why would he lie, but maybe it was all still a confusion in Sam's mind "I'm sorry Sam… It's just I don't know what to do with what you're saying…who knows if it is real…maybe I survive the shots? Maybe it's all just a hazard of the job anyway… and what's to say it isn't real?"_

"_Maybe it isn't? But then again what if is? I mean I saw you in this dream before I knew who you were…yet some how I knew you…an it was as real to me then as all my dreams of you ever have been…maybe it's a vision …or just a warning…something about it is important… even if I don't know why I had the dream…" Sam's efforts at trying to be reassuring failing, he could see her slipping._

_She was trying to listen to him, but something about him repeatedly calling his experiences with her 'dreams' was grating on her._

"_You do you know how crazy this sounds?" Mercedes could see Sam was looking distressed and she felt awful that she was reacting so harshly to what he was saying. She was not really telling him that he was crazy, more telling her self, after all she was the one talking to an apparition and who might now be having paranoid delusions. _

"_I'm sorry Mercedes, I don't want to scare you…or stop you from living your life…I mean you're going to be a star…and you should never let people stop you…maybe I just need to figure it out…but we have time I think…if its in the future…maybe now you know about it, it won't even happen…maybe there's a way to stop it…we just have to find a way…" Sam trailed off again noticing that she was in deep thought now._

"_But what if we can't stop it, Sam?" Her thoughts spilled out, exhausted. "This whole thing is crazy." _

_She wanted to believe him, she wanted to trust what he was saying, maybe she should be trying to process it with Sam and figure out a way to fix it, yet what he was saying was scaring her and threatening her sense of security, which threatened her sense of security about Sam altogether. She needed time to think about it. _

_Sam decided not to say any more, instead he just sat next to her, wanting desperately to hold her and make sense of his words, that only seemed to confuse everything._


	12. Chapter 12

**Hello! Thanks again for continuing to read this story and reviewing it and generally taking an interest. After spending so long on this chapter I'm starting to worry it's losing its flow, soI do hope it reads ok…it was going to be longer, but I've cut it and hopefully I'll put the next one up in a few days…going to run away and hide now…**

**Glee and its characters are not mine.**

**Chapter 12: Transcendence **

"_You give me life…"_

_Mercedes sat on the stone bench, wiping away a tear that had trickled down her face. When Sam started speaking, she really had not expected this. Sam was gone now, having told her in all honesty that she would become famous and then get shot in the future. _

"_Unbelievable…" Mercedes said to herself irritated by the whole conversation._

_The problem was, that Sam _was_ unbelievable, in more ways than one. And the stupid thing of it was that she still deep down trusted him. She knew he was only saying what he was saying because in his heart of hearts he feared it could be real. But it was confusing to hear and she had become angry at Sam which she did not exactly feel fantastic about. Especially considering what she had never been able to find the words say to him._

_It was just how every time he kept talking about dreams and this being a dream and her being a dream and all his experiences with her as being dreams, made her feel like none of it was ever really real to him. Of course she knew that that was partly the reality of how he experienced being with her, that that, as he had said, was how he was able to visit her, but somehow, hearing it in that context made her more excruciatingly aware of it. _

_Was that all she could ever be to him? A dream?_

_Mercedes shook her head, it was not his fault, she kept reminding herself. _

_What more can I possibly ask of him? She challenged her self, knowing that even he had told her not to let him hold her back._

_She thought back to that first day he had appeared at this very place she was now sitting in. Everything changed that day. _

_After the accident it was like she had been trying to wake up or catch up or something. Nothing felt right. The world felt gray and cold around her and she felt herself disconnected from everything. She could not recall anything that had happened. There were things she was unable to piece together, memories that were fragmented all over the place. She kept seeing flashes of the incident – the cars spinning and crashing and then black. She remembered green hospital walls. She could remember the long corridor and white lights above her and people were injured and dying and there were names and faces she could not quite place. But most of all she felt dead and stuck inside. Everything felt strange and different, and broken memories of the accident would replay over and over until it would become still and then she would see his face. Sam's face. For some reason it stood out to her._

"_Take it easy sweetheart" her mother had warmly but firmly told her. "I know it will be tempting to disappear, to get lost in this place you are in, but you can't stay here forever, sooner or later you will need to make a choice"_

_The words were significant but easier said then done, and Mercedes spent a long time sleeping or lost in her thoughts by the lake._

_It was Sam Evans who changed that. Sam's appearance was like a bright shaft of colour in her monochrome existence. He brought her to life, every visit, every encounter like a breath of inspiration and sensation that would fill her up, even if it had terrified her at first._

_But the words that he had just now left her with were more terrifying. Even if she questioned if he was real at all, and why he had come, he made her feel alive. But she was nothing more than a dream to him, a dream that was now going to die any way. What did it matter? Her encounters with Sam were fantasy in themselves, for both of them. _

_She was sitting here questioning him, when really she knew that she should be questioning her self. She had felt so guilty and simultaneously so grateful that he was there. Trying to hang on to him by hiding was a way of facing up to what had happened and avoiding it at the same time. _

_The truth was, if she really wanted to know who and what Sam was, she might know if she dared to tell him. But she never really faced up to him and told him everything, by not doing so she was denying them both the chance to know the truth._

_Maybe this time she would have to face up to it._

RJ almost broke into tears as he looked through the final plans and heard Sam present it, somehow the vision had been captured perfectly, perhaps even better than he could have imagined. Sam's extensive research of other places and discussions with RJ, music teachers who would be working there and even with potential students, his attention to details his efforts all shone through the work. They had discussed it in the office, but RJ wanted to be present in the space so he could envisage it. Sam had stood over RJ's estate again, explaining the plans to him. Where the recital hall and recording studios would go. The huge glass windows that would overlook the lake, the roof top terrace for out door performances, smaller intimate rooms for practising and composition, a concert hall and library. An internal garden, that the building wrapped around, and the maple trees that would be kept outside them, additional plants to soften it. There was simultaneously an intimacy but also a lightness and spaciousness about it.

"This is wonderful, Sam" RJ had said shaking his hand enthusiastically and nodding at a proud Cooper in approval.

A month later the building work had began.

Sam had still not dreamt of Mercedes since he had told her about his vision of her getting shot and his fears about her being in danger. So he had thrown his heart and yearning into this project, overlooking each stage with care and dedication. It was as if somehow this project became a way to be with her, even if she would never see it, it was his way of having her with him in his world.

"What the hell is this?" Sam demanded one of the constructors who he looked back at him stunned. "This is not okay! These trees are off limits!"

"We're not cutting them Sam, we're just fencing them off so they don't get damaged" to worker tried to explain, removing his yellow hard hat and scratching his head warily. His colleague had already had a supplier sent back to change some steel, because the thickness was going to be too imposing on the whole structure, even though it was only going to be in the ground as part of the foundation.

"That better be all you're doing" Sam shot back nearly about to pick a fight with the man. "If they get so much as a scratch on them…"

"Hey guys…hope everything's ok here?" Blaine approached Sam, leaving his conversation with Cooper having seen things get heated from afar "Sam can I talk to you for a minute?"

Sam glared at the contractor before turning to Blaine and walking with him.

"Can you believe that guy?" Sam shook his head and squeezed his fist.

"Sam, you need to let them do their job" Blaine urged carefully as they stopped walking once a little bit a way from the workers.

"Yeah- but we're under strict instructions to protect these trees" Sam insisted raising his hand at them, still irate.

"And they will be Sam," Blaine spoke slowly looking in the direction of the trees to acknowledge them and then making firm eye contact with Sam "Look… things are under control here, why don't you take a break…you've been at this project non-stop"

"You were the one who gave it to me!" Sam snapped.

"I know Sam, and you're doing a fantastic job….I'm not taking it away from you, …I'm telling you to take a walk- take a lunch break…something…" Blaine said firmly "Just go cool down"

Sam looked at Blaine and inhaled and exhaled deeply, realising his blood pressure had been elevated now that he was starting to get oxygen into his lungs.

"Ok ...fine" he nodded, before making a point of speaking out to everyone, "Sorry guys… I know you are all doing a good job…just got carried away there… I really want this to be a great structure but I know you're all working hard to do that"

He looked at the construction worker whose head he had gnawed off and nodded at him, the nod was returned and the men got back to work.

Sam then turned away from all of them and took that walk Blaine had urged him to do. Taking the path that led to the lake he sat on the grass in the sunshine just looking out onto it, noticing RJ's old house on the far side.

He sat so his feet were planted on the grass, his knees up to his chest and arms resting on them.

He missed her. He realised it as he looked at the still water, the sunlight reflecting on it. His heart ached for her.

"You ok Sam?" RJ's deep voice came from behind and Sam turned to look up at him.

"Oh…Hello, Sir. Yeah" He nodded "I'm alright thank you… just er…"

"Taking a break?" RJ filled in the sentence, smiling generously at Sam.

Sam flinched and smiled back, unwilling to look like he was slacking on the job, but equally unwilling to say he was taking a break because he had turned into a workaholic ogre who had lashed out at his workers.

"I'm just waiting for an acquaintance of mine to come back at the old house…he's running late so I thought I'd take a walk down here, mind if I join you?" RJ asked casually.

Sam looked back up at RJ, a little miffed, he was being polite and yet it was his property any way.

"Sure" Sam replied deference.

RJ sat next to Sam on the grass, pulling up his trousers slightly as he rested an arm one knee, allowing the other to stretch out.

"It's great this place" RJ noted "Great place to think"

"Yeah, sure is" Sam said, unsure exactly how to take RJ, as he rested casually on the grass alongside him, admiring his balanced demeanour of dignified statesmen and easy going sociability.

"It's good to take a break you know" RJ continued, rubbing the base of his chin as if pondering the philosophy of his assertion "I hear you've been working tirelessly at this but you don't want to be running yourself in to the ground"

Sam nodded at RJ and sighed looking back onto the lake, a mild breeze was causing the water to ripple so the light seemed to dance on its surface.

"It's an important project, Sir" Sam reminded RJ "Just want to make sure the vision is translated exactly, every step of the way"

Sam's hand stretched out in front of him, his palm upturned and fingers spread out in the air in emphasis as he made his point.

"I know" RJ acknowledged, seeing the dedication in Sam's eyes "and I appreciate that, but it's ok to take a step back…I trust you, all of you guys, to do a great job"

"Thank you" Sam said, appreciatively.

"My kids used to love this lake" RJ said as he looked out onto the water.

"Do they still come out here?" Sam asked

"Trey, my son, does, now and again, with his wife and kids" RJ smiled, before turning into the slightest of frowns.

Sam was not sure if RJ was going to continue speaking, but he seemed to have decided to stop at that point, what might have become an awkward silence was soon interrupted by RJ's phone buzzing from his trouser pocket.

He looked at Sam before answering the phone.

"Mike-How's it going?" he answered and nodded at the response of the caller.

Sam turned his head at RJ curiously at recognising the name, then turned back to watch the lake, funny how people always seem to know a Mike, Sam thought.

"That's great, well I'll be there soon myself. See you in a bit" RJ said his goodbyes and ended the call.

"Sam, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to have to get going now, but I hope you'll take on board what I've said" RJ said as he lifted himself up and put his phone back into his pocket.

"Sure, I've got to get back myself" Sam replied, as he too got up. "And thank you Sir, I really appreciate it"

"Of course" RJ smiled, shaking the younger man's hand. "You're a talented young man, Sam, and I can see your passion, I'm glad to be making an investment in it, but it's ok to take a moment now and again"

The both parted ways, heading in opposite directions.

_X_

"_Mercedes" Sam called out. He smiled, relieved that he was there with her again._

"_Sam," Mercedes said to the image against the mirror in her room, as she moved towards him, throwing her arms around his presence, "I'm so sorry"_

_Sam was taken aback by the gesture but placed his arms around her comfortingly. It had been a dry spell of two months since he had seen her and being with her now was quenching a deep thirst._

"_Why are you sorry?" Sam asked softly back to her, genuinely confused by her words._

"_Last time you came" Mercedes said, sensing his energy encircle her, "You were only trying to warn me- trying to help and I just flipped at you"_

"_Hey…It's not everyday some guy from another world comes and tells you you're going to… get shot" he said understandingly and looked sadly into her eyes "I'm sorry that I just threw that at you…"_

_Mercedes shook her head trying to speak but Sam cut her off._

"_No- really Mercedes, maybe there's a better way... look I may not be able to stop it…or know very much right now…but I'm going to do my best to do whatever I can to protect you" Sam said assuredly, hoping he could make good on his promise, "I'm just sorry that this situation is so…so limiting"_

_Mercedes shook her head._

"_Sam… you have nothing to be sorry fo…but " Her eyes began to water, she was going to need to tell him now. She could not keep avoiding it, he needed to know and she needed to say it. She braced her self with a deep sigh and swallowed hard, moistening her dry mouth "I have to tell you something…" _

"_Ok…" his gaze now focused attentively on Mercedes._

"_You see… the thing is it's about the" As he waited for her to begin, Sam noticed a tear collect at her eye, about to make it's descent down her face. There was a strong urge in him to catch it for her, and though it was probably futile, he lifted his hand to attempt wipe it away._

"_..Er..the accident…that…" Mercedes closed her eyes, stopping mid sentence sensing the vibrations, that emanate from being near Sam, increase. He had placed his thumb onto the tear, softly trying to dab it at the corner of her eye._

_Mercedes opened her eyes in shock at what she thought she felt, matching Sam's own stunned expression._

_Sam lifted his hand and turned his thumb back to himself to look at it. It was moist. The stray drop glistened on his skin. His thumb had caught her tear._

_Mercedes felt the dried spot he had left behind at her eyes and tried to work out what had happened, studying the reflection of Sam as he focused on his hand._

_Sam moved his hand back to Mercedes' face placing his hand on her own that was still resting against her face. Mercedes closed her eyes, feeling the energy and warmth of his palm on her hand._

_Sam also closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath, like he had caught something precious and was using all that he had inside of him to retain it, he curled his hands around hers and lifted them. Sam brought her hands to his lips, pressing them against her fingers longingly._

_Mercedes felt her hand being taken in his, his warmth once again encompassing her. She opened her eyes, the strength of this energy circling around her hands and shooting up her arm. But she also sensed the softness of his lips against her skin, the warmth of his breath. She could not be sure to trust what she was experiencing so she looked up at the mirror and saw Sam holding her hand to his mouth. Then, slowly, afraid that what was about to allow herself yearn for the impossible, she turned her head away from the reflection to look towards where he really stood, in front of her, and took in a silent stifled gasp. _

_She could see him._

_Sam's eyes were still closed, still anxiously holding onto the moment, on to her._

_Gently, Mercedes took her other hand and stroked his face. She wondered if she was really seeing and touching him. Sure she would often feel his presence and sense him from the force of his energy. But was she actually feeling the soft stubble on his skin? Was this really happening? _

_Sam opened his eyes in response to her touch. He looked at Mercedes, who he could see was looking directly at him._

_His wide pupils looked intently back at her, black pools in their marble green rings trying to capture her gaze, that seemed like it was for him alone._

"_Please tell me you can see me" his voice, willing his words to be true._

_Another tear slipped down Mercedes face, and she nodded at him._

"_I can see you" she said. "Right here, in front of me.. I can feel you…all of you" _

_She stroked his cheek and her hand moved downwards to his chin and neck, stopping at his chest, near where his heart was. Sam placed his hand on hers, and took them in his. _

_Sam held her hands and looked at her._

"_Can you see me do this?" _

_Mercedes nodded and smiled._

"_And this too…can you feel this?" he uttered as he let go of her hands and cupped her face, looking deep into her warm tender brown eyes that looked back at his, hopefully. _

"_Yes" her gaze faltered at the intensity for a moment, he watched as her eye lids closed and the lashes grazed her cheeks, falling downwards before coming back up again to reveal her large almond eyes meeting his again. _

"_Is this really happening?" He asked as he watched her back, allowing her to study him, drawn towards her eyes that were taking his features in greedily, his eyes, his nose, his cheeks, his lips. Each beheld the other, as beautiful creatures that could not help but be drawn together._

_Gently Sam lifted her chin, and leaned nearer to her, bringing his lips to hers and kissing them. _

_She felt it. She felt the sensation of energy from where their lips met. She felt the softness of his lips against hers delicately caressing hers with his own._

_The spark of energy for both so overwhelming from the slightest of touches of their lips meeting, tentatively Sam parted his lips from her. _

"_Yes" she said opening her eyes to see his again._

"_What?" Sam replied a little dazed._

"_Yes it's really happening" she smiled biting her lower lip._

_Sam laughed and Mercedes grinned back, as his forehead rested against hers. Revelling in the moment. She could have got lost in that moment with him but knew now more than ever she needed to stop herself, breaking away and putting a hand on his neck to get his attention._

"_Sam …" Mercedes began seriously. _

"_Yes?" Sam replied. He was meant to wait for her to speak, but as he watched her irresistible lips in anticipation, he grew distracted by them, and leaned in to kiss her again, this time full of all the ache and longing for her. _

_She made a feeble attempt at resisting him, and returned the kiss back to him, with a more passionate response to match his own. Neither of them wanting to let go again, neither of them daring to stop in case the moment was gone for ever. Each drinking each other in, this time fearing it might the last time._

_There was a vast vibration that stirred between them and surrounded them, a sensation of burgeoning energy and light filling the space. Mercedes could feel herself become increasingly alive, unsure what was happening, but daring not let go of Sam, instead holding on to him more tightly and continuing to deepen the kiss as if it was giving her everything she had needed in that moment. Sam tried to still hold onto her, still savouring every drop, trying to keep her in his arms, but he could feel himself disappearing. There was a swirling sensation that wrapped around them continuously, their surroundings almost disappearing. _

_Sam felt himself losing his grip and dissolving away, leaving Mercedes behind. He tried to hold on, tried to keep her. _

"_Not now" he thought to himself, "I can't wake up now, not yet"._

_The light now almost blinding him and shaking him from within until he thought he would burst. _

_Then it stopped. Sam opened his eyes, he could no longer see Mercedes or feel her. Instead he found himself alone, in her room. _

_The room was empty. She was gone. _

_Sam looked around for her._

"_Mercedes?" He called out. _

_He wanted to panic inside unsure what had happened to her. Afraid that he had caused her harm in some way. As exhilarating and delicious his kiss had been with her, perhaps it had been too much._

_Was this another dream? Or another time?_

_He saw Mercedes' black notebook on her table, hoping that meant she was nearby, given that she was never far from it._

_He placed his hand against it, its position moved slightly by his touch. Realising that he was the cause, Sam attempted to lift it. The book came into his hands willingly. He held the book and flicked through it._

_There were songs and words written on some of the pages. _

"_Found eternity in your eyes_

_Lost myself in this paradise,_

_We strolled for days in a mirage_

_Somehow you captured my heart_

_And I can't keep on_

_With this face_

_I try to hide _

_In this place_

_But I need you_

_To set me free_

_And I need you_

_Cause you bring me_

_to life"_

_He stroked the words written on the page. Then let the pages flip to the front of the book._

_There was a list of names written down, his name, Mike Chang, Lucy F. Chang, Mary Evans, Stacey Evans… Arrows were drawn and names of cars and roads and large question marks, like she had been trying to work something out. _

"_Interesting" Sam thought out loud._

_He allowed the pages to fall open again, this time the pages fanned out until it eventually they fell onto the image of the night sky, the image was moving, a swirling galaxy of stars. Sam blinked at the image, but it continued to swirl. He put his hand on the page to touch it and light opened up around him. _

_He saw Mercedes in a car rushing to get somewhere, it was night time. He saw the newspaper article she had shown her about him. Then he saw images of himself in the hospital, as he rushed in, alongside a gurney with a woman unconscious on it, it was Mercedes. But he was not going to her, he was looking for something else as he approached the desk, a nurse there asked if she could help him, Sam said his name, he was looking for his family, the nurse returned a sympathetic look about to speak._

_Then someone tapped him on the shoulder, calling his name._

_Sam remembered now._

"_Sam Evans?" a voice asked._

_Sam turned around to see a man with cuts and bruises his face and red eyes, like he had been crying._

"_Yes?" he replied to this man._

"_I'm Mike Chang we spoke earlier?" he explained._

_Sam remembered and shook his hand, as the woman in gurney was pushed into an elevator and the doors closed, Mike and Sam continued their conversation, the news breaking over them both._

_His surroundings started to melt away from him and another swirling mass of light encircled him, cutting through the Mike's tears. _

_The light spun him into a room with a hospital bed and with abundant amounts of light streaming in, there was a woman sitting in a chair looking out of the window. Sam stood watching her familiar silhouette and noticed someone entering into the door way. _

"_Mercedes?" a tentative voice uttered her name into the room._

_Mercedes looked quietly out into the doorway, the most that she could respond to in that moment. Sam's eye brows raised as realised who Mercedes' visitor was._

_A silently communicated "Who are you?" was returned back to this man with her eyes. _

"_I'm Noah, Noah Puckerman, people call me Puck" he introduced himself and Mercedes looked back at him "I'm…a friend"_

_Mercedes raised an eye brow at this man with short shaven hair, the words "what do you want?" and "get lost" written all over her face. _

_Sam found her expression a little amusing, but kept quiet as he watched the scene unfold._

"_I know that right now all you have are images and pieces of a puzzle that don't make sense...and that you want to figure it all out… but can't"_

"_How would you know that?" she asked him, finally breaking her silence, Sam was equally curious._

"_Because I've been through something similar" he declared back._

"_A road traffic accident?" Mercedes voice unimpressed, but nonetheless curious. _

"_Something like that" Noah said simply. _

_Mercedes stared hard back at him. _

_Sam stared at them both. He wanted to ask "what accident?" afraid suddenly something had happened to Mercedes, listening intently for someone to say something more._

"_You're not in a good place right now" Noah continued "You'll have to find a way out yourself…but first… you'll have to face up to what happened…wade through the confusing stories that your mind has mixed up with what you think you saw and what actually was… then, you'll have to forgive yourself…then finally you might just be able to move on"_

_What is he talking about? Sam wondered._

"_Noah… Puck whoever you are … you seem to like giving strangers lectures about interesting things… but you don't know me and I don't know you." Mercedes shrugged bored now with this strange man, and turning her head to face the window. "My mom's coming soon to pick me up so I can get out of here, and until then I'd prefer to just wait on my own"_

_Puck lifted the paper that was on Mercedes' bed, looking at the article she was reading._

"_Hmm… interesting… the things you pick up" Puck mused "That guy's impressions are really something"_

"_Were" Mercedes corrected, then she thought about what he'd said and narrowed her eyes in interest, "You knew him?"_

"_Yeah… sort of" Puck replied sombrely he looked at Mercedes who's eyes were sad, her attention on Puck more focused since his admission to knowing Sam Evans, he shook his head "You know, Mercedes, everything would be a lot easier if you could just accept it and forgive your self… and not let this cloud your judgement.."_

_Sam glared at Puck, wondering why he kept saying these cryptic utterances to Mercedes. What on earth would Mercedes need to forgive her self for?_

"_How?" Mercedes head sharply turning back at puck and her eyes piercing back at Puck's . Sam shot a look back at Mercedes, wrinkling his forehead in shock and curiosity at her response, "How do I forgive myself- when people died because of me?"_

_Puck sighed at her words and Sam looked anxiously between the both of them._

"_What the hell are you guys talking about?" Sam asked, but no one could hear him._

"_It wasn't your fault" Puck tried to insist._

"_What wasn't her fault?" Sam wondered and Mercedes seemed to look up in his direction blankly for a moment, before turning back to Puck._

"_I'm not so sure about that" Mercedes looked away again._

"_I thought you might say that... looks like you're going to take the hard way" Puck looked down at the ground and paused for a while before then changing his tone "You want to be a singer right..…I play guitar at 'Reece's…if you ever…"_

"_Er…not that's any of your business… but I don't think I'm in the mood to sing thanks" Mercedes interrupted, having stopped her self from rolling her eyes and closed them instead, shaking her head._

"_Well maybe not now…" Puck left a piece of paper with his number on it. "It might help...getting back in touch with your dreams"_

_Sam waited to see what Mercedes was going to say, but Mercedes just looked at the paper then looked away shaking her head. _

"_Catch you later Mercedes Jones" Noah said taking one last time to look at her, optimistically before turning away completely and walking away._

_Mercedes looked back at the doorway, frowning pensively as she watched Noah walk away._

_Sam watched too, mystified by what had unfolded in front of him, looking back at Mercedes and wondering what had really transpired._

_The swirl of light spun him back again into Mercedes room before the surroundings dissolved again and he found himself in a more dimly lit place._

_There was a stage to his left and he could see Mercede,s dressed in her red dress adjusting her hair and taking deep breaths. He remembered that dress and how it hugged her figure perfectly._

"_Go get 'em Mercy!" Noah Puckerman cheered as he approached Mercedes getting herself ready to go out onto the stage._

_Sam watched the exchange curiously. _

"_Thanks … You know… I really appreciate you helping me get these gigs!" she replied with grateful enthusiasm._

"_Yeah I could be your manager" he said smugly, his arms folded and eyebrows raised at her._

"_Yeah actually… you could" Mercedes responded more seriously._

"_I just pointed you in the right direction- you're the one with the talent" he shrugged_

"_Well…maybe I need help getting pointed in the right direction?" Mercedes suggested, her focused on Puck, and half smiling at him._

"_Maybe you do" his eyes solemn, before he then gestured, "You better get on stage you're up now"_

"_See you're a natural pushing me around the way you do" she laughed to herself before taking a final deep breath into her lungs and walking onto the stage._

_Sam watched her walk away then turned back to Noah who he noticed had looked directly him before then watching back to the stage._

"_Can you see me?" Sam asked, there was no answer._

_Sam looked onto the stage, as Mercedes began to sing._

"_Isn't it strange the way things can change_

_Life that you lead turned on its head_

_Suddenly someone means more than you felt for_

_House in its yard turns into home_

_Sorry but I meant to say many things along the way_

_This one's for you__  
__Have I told you I ache_

_Have I told you I ache_

_Have I told you I ache_

_For you.."_

_Sam turned back to scrutinise Noah, who now continued to look onto the stage._

"_Puckerman" Sam urged as Mercedes voice filled the air._

_Noah remained focused on Mercedes singing. But Sam was sure Noah had seen him._

"_Noah!" Sam demanded feeling as if he was being deliberately ignored, but there was still no answer._

_Noah turned away from Sam and the stage and walked deeper into the wings. Sam turned to follow him. _

"_Becareful" Noah said as he stopped in the darkness, his back still facing Sam. Puckerman opened a door and walked through it quickly, shutting behind him, so it closed on Sam's face before he could go through._

_Sam stood in the darkness, hearing Mercedes voice from the stage behind him, washing over him. _

"_Have I told you I ache  
Have I told you I ache/and I hope its not too late  
Have I told you I ache/Can I hold you and ache for you?"_

_The words and swirling starry light encompassed him again._

_Sam opening his eyes once more, to find himself again in Mercedes room. It was dawn, the bluish light seeping through her window._

_It did not take long for Sam to locate Mercedes. She was lying on her bed sleeping seemingly peacefully. Sam stood silently and watched her, relieved yet bewildered._


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N Hello! Thanks again for reading/reviewing/ favoriting/alerting etc. The feedback has been helpful for me to make sure the whole thing is not getting too confusing! **

**Ok, so here's the next chapter, a bit more Mercedes focused. **

**Disclaimer: Glee and it's characters don't belong to me.**

**Chapter 13: Loop**

_As the sun rose, Mercedes opened her eyes, inhaling deeply almost gasping for breath as she woke, she sat up and noticed Sam at the window immediately._

_"Please don't go" she cried out to him restlessly. _

_"It's ok… Mercedes…" Sam shook his head trying to find words as he watched her "I'm not going anywhere… I don't think…"_

_He placed his hand on his forehead and slid his fingers through his hair._

_Sam looked at Mercedes, unsure what to make of his recent experiences. He had gone from holding and passionately kissing her, then being unable to find her, to then reliving one of the worst days of his life. He remembered seeing Mercedes, one minute unconscious, then interacting with Noah Puckerman, talking about forgiveness and the next about being her manager. And what did Noah have to do with anything anyway?_

_"Sam…You… ok?" Mercedes queried, concerned that he was looking particularly troubled._

_She got up from her bed and approached him, and placed a hand on his forehead trying to relieve his distress somehow._

_Sam looked up in comprehension at what Mercedes was doing, her eyes directly focused at him, her hand touching him._

_"You can still see me?" He realised._

_She smiled and nodded._

_"Are you ok? What happened?" He asked_

_"I don't know… it was like… you kissed me and I… I never felt so alive…it was amazing…" Mercedes said, blinking, she shook her head knowingly at the faint smirk Sam gave her at her words, before a look of dizzying awe replaced her expression as she went on to explain further, "I mean…it was the most intense thing that I've ever experienced…And then…the next thing there's this energy and light and I can't hold on any more, but I feel so alive…and then just as I feel like everything around me is disappearing…then there's this bright light… next thing I know I've fallen asleep and wake up to find you here… What about you?"_

_"We kissed…then…I ended up disappearing…and then …" Sam paused, a wearisome look of detachment grew in his eyes, he shook his head before abruptly ending his speech and looking away from Mercedes "I don't know it's all a blur of images"_

_"…Really?" Mercedes responded, sensing something was not quite alright with Sam. "Do you remember any of it?"_

_Sam paused, turning his gaze back to Mercedes. _

_"Seeing you…in a gurney…then in a hospital room…talking to…Noah Puckerman"_

_"Oh wow… Noah… he's been helping me with performances" Mercedes elaborated, she then tried to think back to that conversation in the hospital Sam was referring to, "So you saw him?"_

_"He was saying some interesting things to you" Sam said trying to be nonchalant about it all, but feeling increasingly uncomfortable at the memory. _

_"Really?... What was he saying?" Mercedes was unsure why, but she was feeling like the ground beneath her feet was about to disintegrate._

_"He was saying something about accepting what happened and needing to forgive yourself" Sam's expressionless tone matching the look on his face._

_Not like this, Mercedes thought sensing the dismay encroach into Sam's eyes. She wanted to tell him, but she wanted the moment to be right. She had tried to tell him before but she foolishly let her self get swept away. Sam was not even really asking her, just stating what he saw, but somehow she was feeling backed into a corner by it all. He still deserved to know. Maybe there never was going to be a good time to tell him._

_"Sam… you ever wonder why…why you come here?" Mercedes asked shakily, preparing her self to face her gremlins._

_"What do you mean?" Sam asked, his voice a monotone, like he was holding back from feeling or thinking too much._

_"Do you ever wonder why you come to me…I mean if you were going to enter into an alternative world…then why me… And not someone else?" Mercedes let the question hang in the air._

_Sam returned her question with a look of inquisitiveness, unsure where she was going with this._

_"You see…the first time you came to me …" Mercedes explained, as she walked around the room, "I thought … I'm crazy and imagining it all…but the fact that it's _you_ coming here…well…that doesn't surprise me…"_

_"Okay…" Sam uttered back, hanging on to her words that seemed important as they drew him into wondering about the relevance of what she was saying. His visions had left him questioning what to make of his experiences with Mercedes, he hated the feeling that they gave him, that she was keeping something from him, and now her words were hovering around the same notion, "What do you mean, Mercedes?"_

_"You said that you saw Noah telling me I needed to forgive myself…" Mercedes retraced Sam's statement, there was a bitterness in her voice, which Sam was not sure to whom it was directed at as she stood still her eyes fixed on him, "You want to know why don't you?"_

_Sam waited in silence, neither confirming or denying her question, he simply stayed focused on her blinking slowly, unable to really formulate a response. Unsure if he wanted to know what she would say next, afraid the answer was right in front of him._

_"It's because I caused the accident" Mercedes announced shooting a pained look at Sam._

_Sam stood still, stunned further into a meditative silence._

_"I was there" Mercedes declared "I think I crashed into you …that's how we're connected…that's why I don't know for sure if when I'm talking to you, you're really who you say you are.. if you really happen to be from a another world… or what kind of world is it that you're really from… or is this all in my guilty mind"_

_There. She'd said it now. Mercedes tried to hold back her tears, tried not to break, but her exhaustion at finally saying it, threatened her resolve. _

_"So, there you have it Sam…that's why…that's why I can't forgive myself…because of what I did to you…and it's not just you is it? It's the Chang's… Lucy …Mike…their baby…and your family…all the people who are affected…" Mercedes pointed to herself spitefully "because of something I did"_

_Sam felt torn. Seeing Mercedes in distress, it was instinctive for him to want to rush over to her and wrap his arms around her, and tell her everything was going to be ok, but he really did not know how to process what she was saying. She was saying so much and his head was spinning with everything that seemed to be happening one after the other._

_"Um…er.." Sam responding back, attempting to respond back, the words weren't coming easily though, he swallowed down further incoherent noises, perhaps it was better to stay silent._

_"Sam, I'm sorry" Mercedes whispered, her voice breaking as she remained focused on Sam, feeling like she was bruising him with her words, wishing she could some how fix it all as she took a step nearer to him, holding herself back from running up to him "I'm just so sorry"_

_"Sure..." Sam nodded distractedly and then shook his head, of course she was, Sam thought, he did not want her to be upset, but he still couldn't digest what she had said "It's not your-…it's…it's ok…"_

_They both stood, beside each other in silence, Mercedes watched him closely as he turned towards the window to look outside. _

_"Do you want to talk about it?" Mercedes urged. She needed him to be more responsive, but how could he be, given what she had told him._

_"I …" Sam replied, shaking his head, turning towards her "It's…fine"_

_Mercedes was unconvinced. Sam was now staring at the ground, unable to make sustained eye contact with her. _

_Again silence. Until finally Sam spoke._

_"How do you know?" Sam's face painted with confusion, his narrowed eyes cutting through the floor._

_"How do I know, what?" She asked, at least he was saying something more to her._

_"How do you know it was you?" He asked. "Who caused it?"_

_"I was there" she frowned "…I remember I was trying to get somewhere and I was driving fast…too fast…some thing was on the road…my car lost control….and…"_

_Sam shook his head, he didn't want to hear this, even if he had asked. The memory of the image he had seen of her flashed through his mind._

_"I just know I crashed…" she finished, her voice nearly a whisper "I mean it's dark and the memory is a bit mixed up …but I know…"_

_Sam flinched at her words, again unable to look at her._

_ "Sam… I'm sorry… I wanted to tell you… then I couldn't tell you…because I …I I was afraid you'd never come back if I did…because I needed you…because you made me feel more…alive…more…present… but it was selfish….to keep that from you.. not when you deserved to be at peace…" she said, approaching him, wanting to offer him something, to comfort him with her touch, but he just looked on impassively, at the cautious hand she'd placed on his shoulder. _

_Sam shook his head, there were still so many questions and he just couldn't find the words to respond. He closed his eyes and pressed his fingers against them. He wanted to say something. He needed say something, anything. To forget about it all, to hug her and tell her it was fine, that she need not blame herself, he wanted to be better than this. But it was too much. He was too tired and there were too many thoughts spinning in his mind._

_"I'm sorry" he heard Mercedes say one last time, before everything around him melted away into darkness._

Sam woke up taking in a sharp breath of air, as he sat up in his bead, as if he had stopped breathing in his sleep. As he steadied his breathing from yet another unfathomable dream he noticed he had tears in his eyes.

His head felt like it was still spinning at the memory of it all, his body shattered. But he could not tolerate thinking about what he had just dreamt about.

He stood up from his bed, and saw the images of Mercedes he had sketched, scattered about his room and looked at them momentarily before walking passed them and got ready to take Munchies out for a jog.

When Sam returned, having let the gentle breeze of an early summer blow away all the confusing images. He passed by the images again and took a shower.

When he came out, he stepped on a picture of her that had fallen onto the floor. He picked it up and looked at her smiling at him brightly. Then he took all the images of her that he could see, at his desk, by his bed, and put them in a pile, shoving them in a folder and locking it away in his filing cabinet.

_Mercedes sat alone watching as the sun rose and warmed the room. The crushing emptiness this time from Sam's departure, seeming heavier and more apparent than all the other times put together._

_She had to tell him. She needed to. She didn't really know what to expect when she did, but it seemed that her worst fear had come to pass: that he could not forgive her and was never coming back._

_How had Sam seen all those things? She wondered. What else had he seen?_

_Mercedes remembered back to that first conversation with Noah. It was a strange day, her head was hazy and her body was aching. She never really thought she would ever contact him after his unusual introduction. For some reason he kept telling her she needed to forgiver herself, and accept things, but she could not even face up to it. _

_It was when Sam starting coming to visit her that she decided to call Noah. Mercedes remembered that Noah seemed to know him, and for some reason she felt she needed to speak to someone who did._

_recalled the conversation she'd had with Noah when she first called him, after that day that Sam appeared to her by the piano._

_"Noah?" she said_

_"Yep?" he replied_

_"Noah this Mercedes, you – er…you gave me your number…from the hospital" _

_"Oh! Mercedes!" Noah replied excitedly "You changed your mind about singing?"_

_Mercedes suddenly felt embarrassed about why she had called, should she say the real reason she called was because she was having visions of Sam Evans? _

_"Yeah" She lied. "That sounds great"_

_"Cool" Puck said "I'll contact Reece and see what we can do…in the mean time there's this… community open performance night that I'm playing at, would you like to join me?"_

_Mercedes was not really in the mood. _

_"Sure" she replied. What she was getting herself into? Then again maybe it would be easier to talk to him face to face._

_Performing brought out feelings she wanted to escape from not relive. Noah had chosen the song and Mercedes reluctantly went along with it. She became overwhelmed as she sang, but battled through it. Then she felt it, that strange sensation she'd had before. Suddenly alive again. Her body firing and she did not understand why. It was the same feeling she had, when Sam had first appeared to her._

_When she finished the song, the sensation disappeared which made her feel empty again._

_Noah had noticed her looking distressed._

_"What's wrong Mercy?" he asked her as he put away his guitar, having finished._

_Mercedes decided to just say it._

_"Sam Evans" she replied "I think he's haunting me"_

_"Oh…" Noah said, raising and eye brow, "Why would he be haunting you?"_

_"Why do you think?" Mercedes gave a near expressionless glare at Noah._

_"What would it take for you to put this behind you?" Noah's forehead wrinkling._

_"Why do you keep insisting I do?" Mercedes challenged back._

_"Cant' hold on forever" Noah said "Well…you could…but you'll just end up stuck… or going round in circles…"_

_"I don't know…I wish I could speak to them… tell them.." she sighed._

_"Tell them how sorry you are?" Noah suggested shaking his head at her predicament._

_"I don't know…I guess so…like Sam for example" Mercedes paused thinking about the vision she'd had of him at her piano "Or maybe his family….. And the Changs…Like Lucy …I mean…she lost everything…but they won't want to talk to me… Not after what I've done"_

_"Maybe…maybe not" Noah said._

_Mercedes paused at that point, she did not know why she was talking about this with Noah, it was only the second time she had met him. She did not know him._

_"Look Noah may it was too soon to do this…I think I need to go" Mercedes said, shutting down the conversation._

_"How about Reece's?" Noah turned as if he was fighting losing a battle._

_"I don't know" she said as she turned to walk away then she shook her head, she did not want to be rude, "Maybe"_

_She left Noah there to watch her walk away._

_The next time she had thought about contacting Puck, it was after Sam's lesson in playing the guitar. She was in danger of retreating back to empty days staring at the lake as she waited for him to come back. She'd had this experience with him of him, being so close. She waited for him to come back, but everything became colder and more fragmented. She was starting to relive it all again. Starting to become confused._

_She was afraid of how dependent on Sam she had become. She thought about contacting Puck, thinking maybe it would be healthier to be busy than waiting for him to come back, if he ever came back._

_Then when Sam did come back and told her not to stop living her dreams because of him, she had. Not to wait to live. So she called Noah._

_"Sure Mercedes" Noah said "On one condition"_

_"What's that" she asked_

_"You'll stop going round in circles" he said_

_"Maybe this was not such a good idea" Mercedes snapped "Why do you keep on about this?"_

_"You know you're right I can't keep pushing you …you've got to do it for yourself…and you're more than capable" he insisted encouragingly, like it was his sole purpose in life._

_"Ok...fine…whatever" Mercedes shook her head, noticing how Noah looked relieved at her response._

_X_

_Mercedes had thought that by telling Sam, she was facing up to what happened. Yet now all she felt was loss and confusion. She looked out through the window, the lake in the distance catching the sun from the East._

_Mercedes turned suddenly thinking she had caught a glimpse of him from the corner of her eye._

_"Sam?" she called out _

_But there was nothing there when she turned, just her still desolate room._

_Her phone started ringing, it was Noah._

_"Hi" she answered after a second ring_

_"Hey, Mercy. Great news" he launched straight in_

_"Ok" Mercedes was already unimpressed._

_"Zack, that producer from the other night wants to see you at his studios tomorrow"_

_"…Great" Mercedes replied flatly_

_"Er…Something wrong?" Noah asked._

_"You said facing up to what happened would make me feel better" Mercedes refuted, severely over the line _

_"What do you mean?" he replied carefully._

_"I don't feel better" she disputed. "Why. Don't. I. Feel. Better?"_

_ "Because you're still not seeing it" Noah remarked with a lamentable sigh._

_"Noah I'm really not in the mood for your babbling cryptic nonsense!" she snapped back frustrated._

_"Ok then…" He patiently crooned "So, what about Zack?"_

_"What about Zack?" Mercedes was ready to cut the line and go curl up into her bed and forget everything, but Noah was forcing her to engage with him._

_"Are you going to go? To his studio?" Noah reiterated his voice ever irritatingly calm._

_Mercedes was not feeling up to it. But then she thought about her promise to Sam to keep living, even if she was not so sure where things were with Sam at that point. _

_"Alright" she sighed._

_X_

_Mercedes dabbed the wand at her lips, adding another layer lip gloss across them._

_It was unbelievable, this moment. She was living her dream, all her singing and writing and hours in the studio, months of touring. Somehow it was all so surreal, and now she had been invited to an award nomination ceremony for her work._

_She looked behind her image in the mirror, scanning the room, and shook her head._

_It was silly to think that after all that had happened he would actually come now. _

_She closed her eyes and sighed._

_"You look amazing" a voice spoke._

_Mercedes opened her eyes hopefully._

_Puckerman smiled at her and Mercedes tried not to frown at him as she turned herself to see him at the door._

_"Thanks Noah" she nodded "I can't believe this is really happening…it all seems to have happened so quickly…it's like a dream"_

_"You're a star" he beamed, then he paused before continuing "I er… I have someone you wanted to see…"_

_"You do?" Mercedes allowed her self a slither of hope in her curiosity._

_Puck stood to the side and let a tall woman with pale skin, and dirty blonde almost brown hair tied back in a high pony tail._

_"Hello" she spoke tentatively as she stepped into the room._

_"Hi" Mercedes looked at her, her eyes brows raised, starting to realise who she was looking at. "You're…"_

_"Lucy" she spoke softly, her mouth a pink line across her face, just shy of a smile. _

_"I'll leave you guys to it" Puck cut in before excusing himself and closing the door behind him._

_Mercedes looked up at Puck as he left and looked back at Lucy._

_"I'm sorry" Mercedes shook her away her daze "Please take a seat"_

_"Thanks" she perched on the leather couch opposite Mercedes' at the dresser._

_"Thank you for agreeing to see me" Mercedes began._

_"It's alright…I appreciate you wanting to reach out" she responded_

_"I'm sorry" Mercedes said again "for your loss"_

_"You know, it's not your fault, Mercedes" Lucy fixed her green eyes on Mercedes' brown ones._

_"I don't remember much…even to this day it's all a messed up haze…but what I do remember… I was involved in messing up people's lives"_

_"You're not responsible. Some things are just, meant to be" Lucy shook her head._

_Mercedes furrowed her brows at Lucy, who sat upright looking back at her, incredibly poised, why do people keep telling her that?_

_"But you lost so much… your husband, your … your child" Mercedes insisted._

_"Chloe" Lucy said "we named her Chloe- Mike was so excited to be a father… he was destined to be a great one… I got to meet her…before… she looked so much like him… I was just never meant to raise her"_

_Lucy's voice subtly cracked and Mercedes moved from her seat to sit next to Lucy on the couch, putting a hand on her shoulder. Lucy delicately pressed at the tears collecting at her eyes with her fingers and took in a deep breath, as if feeling her daughter's presence along side her. _

_"It was a long time ago Mercedes" Lucy gently spoke, though her voice was insistent as she looked intently at her "I've moved on since then- … it was tempting…to get lost in a place…full of regret and lost dreams…deep down inside you can torture yourself… but in the end I had to accept what happened and … once you understand…we all have to move on in the end"_

_Mercedes sighed wanting to shake her head again, but stopped herself, instead just letting Lucy's words sink in as Lucy turned her self to face Mercedes._

_"The only forgiveness that you need Mercedes, is to forgive yourself" _

_It was Mercedes turn to dab her own moist red, eyes. Lucy put her arms around her and embraced her. The two of them sat, there in silence for a while._

_"They're always with me- in my heart" Lucy said, her voice seemed to grow clearer, as if she was speaking to someone on the other side of the room "I still love them both very much, I am always with them- they are always with me.. Wherever we may go- that will never change"_

_Mercedes nodded, unsure if Lucy was really addressing her at this point. Lucy then squeezed her hand._

_"Thank you" Mercedes said "for coming- I really appreciate it"_

_"Good luck Mercedes" Lucy stood up and gave Mercedes one last hug and left the room._

_Mercedes wiped her eyes, and reflected on what Lucy had said. She admired the woman's courage. And whilst she appreciated her words, she was not sure what to do with them. She returned to the dresser to readjust her make up._

_She gasped when she saw the reflection. She turned to the space and back again at the mirror._

_A little Asian girl was watching her with the innocent fascination of a young child. _

_"Hello" Mercedes said, unsure why she was inviting conversation with this image._

_"Hello" the little girl was undiscouraged by the situation._

_"What's your name?" Mercedes responded swallowing hard._

_"Chloe"_

_"Chloe…?" Mercedes took in another deep breath allowing the implications to settle in. _

_"My mommy was sad" Chloe said plainly._

_"Yes" Mercedes replied nodding slowly in agreement, "Yes she was…but she loves you a lot"_

_"Yeah" Chloe said and nodded attentively, which drew out a warm smile at her from Mercedes through the mirror. _

_"Chloe..." Mercedes ventured, she had to know "How is it that you're here?"_

_"Daddy showed me a picture of my Mommy… I wished and prayed I could see her for real when I went to bed…." She replied "and then I see her here because I wished for it with all my heart"_

_"How lucky you got to see her" Mercedes smiled in response to what Chloe had said._

_Chloe nodded, her eyes still curiously on Mercedes._

_"You're real pretty… Are you an angel?"_

_"No… no I'm not an angel" Mercedes laughed softly, she looked at the little girl's curious eyes "You must miss your mommy a lot?"_

_"Sometimes… sometimes daddy misses mommy…but we have my Mommy Tina and Uncle Sam"_

_"Uncle Sam?" Mercedes asked, that dreaded sliver of hope creeping back into her heart again._

_"Yeah…he's really nice… him and Aunt Stacey they used to come an play with me all the time… then she got sick " Chloe stopped sadly, her brown eyes trailing the floor before meeting Mercedes' again through the mirror "but uncle Sam still plays with me…well sometimes.. He's sad...because of Aunt Stacey"_

_Mercedes could feel the heart leap threateningly in her chest once again._

_"Can you do me a favour Chloe…" Mercedes said, her voice breaking a little _

_"Okay!" Chloe replied hastily, happy that she could be of help in someway to this beautiful princess who had spoken to her Mommy._

_"Next time you see Uncle Sam, could you tell him not to be so sad…"_

_Chloe frowned thoughtfully for a moment then smiled._

_"Okay! I can tell him" _

_"Thank you, honey" Mercedes then added after pause, wondering if she was breaking some rule by the request she was about to make "Can you also tell him… if you can…that I said 'thank you'"_

_She nodded enthusiastically "I'll tell him!"_

_Mercedes grinned and the little girl grinned a bright toothy grin back, before she started to disappear._

_"Thank you, Chloe" Mercedes repeated to the little girl, as she left the room empty._

_Mercedes refocused on her own image in the mirror and smiled, before readjusting her makeup._

_Noah knocked on the door, "Ready?"_

_"Yeah" she sighed, turning to him and smiling confidently "Ready"_

_"Well Madame- your carriage awaits" he said as he extended his arm for Mercedes to hook onto._

_Puck opened the car door for her, making sure she was safely inside._

_"I'll see you later" he stated _

_"Thanks Puck- I still wish you could come with me" Mercedes asked as she adjusted her dress in the car._

_"I know- I'm sorry- its just I don't trust anyone else to get some of these jobs done- Ill be there later though ok?" he assured._

_"Sure" she smiled before Noah closed the car door with her inside._

_X_

_Mercedes stepped out of the building onto the red carpet, to screaming fans. She was glowing with excitement, and happy to see so many had turned out to support her. Yet even still in all her joy, she could not escape that feeling that something was missing. Nonetheless she thanked fans who called out to her congratulating her. Spoke to the press at how happy and grateful she was, dazzling the adulating crowd._

_Fans handed her notebooks and pens and gracefully and she signed each one._

_Then, she heard it. She had not expected it. Why wouldn't she? But it sounded like his voice, in the crowd._

_She needed to stop doing that, to stop imagining that she was hearing him. She needed to stop hoping that he was coming back._

_But it sounded just like him. _

_She nearly froze when she heard it again, this time clearer and louder, "Mercedes" just like he used to say it. She would not do this to herself. She could not._

_She smiled at another fan and returned their notebook with her signature._

_Then as she walked, there was commotion and shouting as she saw a man hurtling before of her, pushing away the body guards like he had suddenly gained super strength_

_Was it really him?_

_She'd missed him so much._

_She had not seen him in so long, she wondered if he was real. But here he was in this place, here and now, taking her hands in his._

_He was really there._

_She wanted to say something, there was so much to tell him, so much to ask him. What was it he was saying? He was trying to tell her something._

_He was telling her to listen to him. He had been trying to tell her this would happen… once …before…She was sure. He told her this day would come. _

_"Too late?" she wondered out loud, this was familiar._

_Was this it?_

_Was he really right?_

_"No wait!" she should have said as the body guards took him away and held him back._

_She got them because he'd warned her, she did not know whether to believe him, but now they don't understand. She needed to tell them, but shots pulsed through the air. _

_"This is it" she thought, as the bullet tore through the air and hit her, piercing her abdomen. "He was right"_

_She could hear Sam calling her name, shouting for her. _

_It hurt her more, to hear him in pain. _

_"It's ok Sam" she wanted to say "This is what I deserve"_

_Then everything went black, Sam's voice calling out to her one last time._

_A swirling light surrounded her as everything around her seemed to disintegrate._

_She herself felt like a feather, rising above the clouds. Light spinning all around her. The sweetest of sensations and pleasures tingling in every cell of her body. Lifting her up higher and higher. And just as she was about to completely melt away into the warmth, the sense of freedom and lightness was suddenly torn apart, as if she had been sucked down a vortex, and thrust downwards._

_"Sooner or later you're going to have to make a choice" she heard her mother's voice say._

_A screeching noise began to reverberate all around her._

_Mercedes was in a car. It was night time._

_The lightning confused her. She tried to swerve. It was out of control, it was not stopping, it was skidding. The breaks weren't working fast enough. She was terrified, but there was a car ahead and she needed to focus. She was going to hit it. _

_"Oh gosh no!" she realised._

_The light from the car ahead getting brighter, as she smashed into it sending them both skidding into the next car._

_"Oh God… this is going to be awful" she assessed, as the sound of glass shattering around her, forced her to close her eyes and grip the steering wheel._

_Then darkness._

_Voices talking. _

_"…help is on the way" said a man over her. _

_"Let me sit with her, you go see to the others" another voice said_

_"I know you want to help, Lucy, but you mustn't move around too much, you could still have internal injuries" he said_

_"I'll just sit here" she insisted._

_"OK...but anything ….just call me" he was hesitant._

_"I'll be fine" she reassured "Just go see the other car…Go!"_

_Mercedes body was aching all over. Her head was hurting, she could see a woman sitting over her._

_"Hi…" she said "I'm Lucy…everything is going to be ok…"_

_"What …hap…pened.." Mercedes throat was dry._

_"There's been an accident…but everything is going to be ok…what's your name?"_

_"M…ce…des.." she whispered, her head spinning _

_Mercedes looked at Lucy, who suddenly looked down. Mercedes followed her gaze and saw that this woman was pregnant. Her hand rapidly moved to clutch her belly. _

_"Are …you…o..kay?" Mercedes asked, she was so tired._

_"Mike!" she winced._

_Everything went dark._

_Sirens._

_"Sam Evans" she heard _

_Darkness._

_She saw his face. His green eyes broken._

_Then darkness_

_Green walls and white lights._

_There was another screeching sound and she could hear herself screaming._

_Then a swirl carrying her away, deeper somewhere._

_"Sooner or later you're going to have to make a choice" she heard again._

_She did not want to face it though, not after what happened. _

_It was all her fault. She kept thinking._

_Mercedes opened her eyes, she was in a hospital room. She looked around and saw her mother standing over her, smiling. She told her to take it easy, as she sat up and wondered what had happened. She gave her the warmest and most encompassing hug, which made Mercedes wonder about how she had not realised how much she had missed her hugs. _

_"You've been in an accident" her mother explained "but don't you worry, everything is going to be ok"_

_"It's all my fault" she spoke through her shock. Her mind went in circles, trying to remember. She lost control of the car, and hit Sam Evans car, which crashed into Mike Chang's car. Lives cut short. _

_Mercedes closed her eyes._

_X_

_On her last day in hospital, she sat waiting, in a chair, in a hospital room, the light from the window streaming in. The thoughts never left her though. The fragmented memories event always haunting her. _

_It was all her fault. _

_She thought that she had sensed a comforting presence in the empty room there with her and for a minute her mind calmed down. _

"_Mercedes?" a tentative voice uttered her name into the room._

_Mercedes looked quietly to the doorway, the most that she could respond to in that moment. _

_"Who the hell is this?" She wondered as she looked up at him._

_"I'm Noah…" he began to explain as he entered into the room._

_After he left along with his cryptic statements, her mother arrived to take her home. _

_She took her back to their home by the lake. She could not face the world right now, everything was dull. Images of the crash kept haunting her and it was impossible to focus._

"_Take it easy, sweetheart" her mother said as she came to her again, she sat by her daughter for a moment, watching her stare onto the lake as she had done for days now, "I know it will be tempting to disappear, to get lost in this place you are in, but you can't stay here forever, sooner or later you will need to make a choice"_

_Then with those words, her mother sighed, and left Mercedes once again to herself to sit huddled in the cold, on the stone bench and watch the water._


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N - Hi, thank you again for taking an interest in this story, it is really appreciated.**

**I think this chapter is a bit …hmm…not sure…but I've been back and forth with it for while and I think it's time to just publish it.**

**(Edit- Just wanted to add that this is not the end of the story yet)**

**Disclaimer: Glee and its characters are not mine.**

**Chapter 14: Causality**

Sam was home late again, after another long day and evening at RJ's property. In his mind, it was effort well spent considering that the construction was moving nearly twice the speed of a normal one this size. Excavation of the land was complete and the foundations were already laid, and now the next phase of getting the structure up had begun. It would seem that RJ's dream of finishing the whole thing in a year may actually be realised.

Sam, threw his keys into a bowl by the door and dialled his voice mail on his cell to listen the messages left on them that day.

"Hi Sam, this is Dr Pillsbury, I know that you decided to end therapy for now, but I promised that I'd check in with you after a few months, so just call the office if you still want to have a follow up session! Thanks, bye."

Sam was doing well. He'd not been having any dreams for the last few months and was dealing with the overwhelming emptiness by ignoring it altogether and instead staying focused on his job. Nonetheless he saved the message and let the next one play.

"Hey Sam, hope you're ok- it's been a while- I guess you've been busy with that new work project… but er just wanted to remind you about Saturday's barbecue … it would be great to catch up … you know how it is- just turn up… ok well, see you soon!"

Sam saved the message. Mike was right, it had been a while.

He'd been isolating himself again, absorbed by work, but he needed the distraction. It was easier to just channel all that energy into his job, in that building and that place, than actually thinking about…Sam shook his head.

He was not going to go there.

He put some food into Munchies bowl and than began to make himself something to eat. Taking out some eggs and making an omelette. After dinner he sat at his desk and looked through the plans of the RJ project.

Munchies came and sat by him.

"Hey Munchies" he cooed as he stroked her glossy fur, she whimpered back. "You ok, Girl? Terrible aren't I…. Stacey would have taken much better care of you…I know I know… wow…can't believe how fast it's gone..."

Sam continued to pet Munchies as he reflected on the time passing, then suddenly he shot up excitedly.

"Hey! You know what Munchster… I just remembered something… something I should have given you a long time ago….lets go see if I can find it…"

Sam got up from his desk and searched on his shelves, wondering where he had put the item. Between a stack of sketch books and files he saw the black box.

"Aha!" he said triumphantly. Stacey had got Munchies a red leather collar, but with everything that had happened, Sam had forgotten to give it to her. Sam pulled the box out from the shelf, as he did so a piece of paper fell out. Sam picked up the paper from the floor and opened it.

"_Dear Sam, Thanks for everything big bro. Please keep on living and loving. Love ya with all my heart, Stacey_"

Sam remembered this piece of paper, it had come inside the black sketch book she had given him. The one that was supposed to encourage him to go back to what he loved. It's silly and funny the things that remind you. Sam laughed at himself.

Right next to the box was the sketchbook it was supposed to have been in. He slid it out and flicked through it, looking back at the sketches of his family that he had drawn, the pictures of stars and planets, his hand had been free across the page that night. He flicked through the pages, until it fell onto that first ever image. The first one he drew of Mercedes.

It would have been the first time he'd have dreamt of her, that first dream of her glittering and dazzling, before her demise. He remembered the anxiety of being and haunted by her, the image that sparked image after image and all his searching and hoping.

Sam shut the book and closed his eyes as if trying to purge himself. He put it back on the shelf, returning his attention to the box, shaking his head.

"Sorry Girl…back to your present…"

X

_Sam was there again. Running for her. Running towards her. Aware of every minute he had left to tell her. Once again calling for her, pushing to meet her. Wondering if she'd remembered as it had been so long, maybe it was too long. She was a famous star now. But still Sam had to try, had she forgotten?_

"_I know I must seem like a psycho stalker fan... but you have to listen to me… before it's too late"_

_He needed to explain faster, she needed to understand._

"_Too late?" _

"_Please you're not safe here… just get inside your car" he began to push Mercedes towards her limousine. _

_Body guards pulled him back, and once again shots were fired, and once again she was falling to ground and he was powerless to stop it._

_Sam crying her name out loud._

X

"Mercedes!" Sam shouted as he woke up.

His fists tightened. Sam calmed down as he took in the ceiling of his room above him.

"No" Sam said and shook his head, not wanting to let his dream affect him, ignoring the fact that this was the first time in a long time he'd any kind of dream of her, and that of all dreams it had to be that dream. He decided to try to get back to sleep, he still had a few hours before he would need to wake up for work.

His lids fell heavily and drifted him off to sleep once again.

_._

"_Please you're not safe here… just get inside your car" he began to push Mercedes towards her limousine. _

_Body guards grabbed him instantly, preventing him from nearing her again. Two shots pulsed through the crowds one after the other. Mercedes tumbled to the ground. Screams and shouts filled the air._

"_No! Mercedes! Nooo!" Sam called out._

.

Sam woke up again. He tried once again to close his eyes and to sleep.

.

_The body guards were holding him back. Shots were fired. Mercedes fell to the ground. Sam called out for her. _

_Again and again and again._

X

Sam opened his eyes immediately. This time he sat up.

He rested his head against the wall, and ran his fingers across his forehead and through his hair. Then he flung the covers off his bed, as if they were the cause of his distress.

He sat still for a minute and soon enough his heart sank and a surge of guilt overcame him.

"Never gonna stop is it…" he realised.

Sleep was going to be impossible now, so he got out of bed and made himself some tea.

He sat on the couch with his brew, staring out of the window, the emerging dawn breaking a slither of light into the sky.

Why? He wondered.

He thought that he had been doing well, but really all he had done was bury her from his memory, abandoning her when he'd promised he'd try to protect her.

But what she had told him about her involvement in the accident had shook him to the core. He was not able to process it so he just didn't

Why did he avoid thinking about her words? He challenged himself.

The dreams had come back now, he had to face up to it.

So why?

Sam took a sip of his tea.

He thought he was angry at her for not telling him. But he wasn't really. For one thing, she had actually been trying to tell him and he didn't exactly make it easy for her to do so, getting so caught up in the moment. For another thing, he understood how hard it would have been to say anything about it.

Then what was it? Sam wondered, forcing himself to confront it. So if he could understand, if he didn't blame her …why was it affecting him? Why had he tried so hard to forget her and not think about her? He had removed all traces of her that had reminded him, even though it was hurting him to forget.

It was something about her involvement.

In her world she thought she had caused an accident that had harmed him. Maybe that was a little disconcerting. But he himself was not the one who had died. Sure he was confused at one point about being alive or dead, but with all that had happened, Sam was sure that he was alive in his world.

It was not even that he could be upset about her harming a version of him. Besides he could see the pain and guilt she was carrying. He could understand her need to feel alive. He was seeking her in his dreams for the same reason. On reflection, she was probably carrying that pain and guilt with every visit he ever made, from that very first one by the lake.

He thought about the visions he'd seen of her, when he'd kissed her. Were they part of her past? She was in the hospital… she was recovering…from the accident…What about Noah's visit and his words? Sam remembered his encounter with him a few months back and, made a mental note to look into that.

So, what was so painful that he could not bear to face up to Mercedes and what she had said?

He sighed and blinked a long blink before opening his green eyes out to the window.

The thought of trying to work it out was painful because he felt it right there pushing beneath the surface.

If Mercedes was involved in the accident that killed Sam in her world, did that mean that a Mercedes in his world was involved in the one that killed his family?

Sam exhaled deeply, released somehow by what he'd dared not think about.

That was it. That was what had bothered him.

It threw up all kinds of questions that Sam had not been ready to seek answers to.

Does that mean she existed in his world? Possibly.

Could she have been involved the crash? Maybe.

So what does that mean? He then thought.

What does that mean for Mercedes Jones? What became of her in his world? Was this the same Mercedes?

Sam wondered as he watched the brightening sky, the water in his cup now cooled.

The other driver was always a mystery, but he had to know. The problem was the only person he knew who could tell him anything about the accident, did not like to talk about the topic much at all. Sam wondered about how much his friend had actually known all along.

Sam arrived at the Chang residence, with his offering of drinks and his mother's special recipe marinated steak.

"Uncle Sam!" Chloe called from the house.

"Hey Chloe!" Sam returned the excited response. She jumped at the door in her yellow dress and hugged him.

"Yay! You're here" she cheered as Sam allowed her to take his hand and drag her into to the garden. "Daddy! Uncle Sam is here"

"Hey Sam! You made it!" Mike smiled. He was busy grilling burgers and looked enthusiastically at Sam and his steaks as Sam handed them to him.

They exchanged greetings and caught up on how each other was. Tina found Sam and greeted him with a hug and a drink. Whilst Grandma Chang sat in the shade and waved him over and Sam complied weaving and saying hello to friends and family members of the Chang household to greet her.

As the day unfolded and the evening set in and the guests filtered out, Sam and Mike were left sitting in the garden.

"So how's things?" Mike asked

"Work's been keeping me busy, but I'm doing ok" Sam replied "How about you?"

"Alright…I keep thinking about Chloe's birthday's coming up soon" Mike reflected and shook his head,"Seven years… can't believe it"

"Yeah" Sam nodded.

Chloe's birthday was unavoidably a bitter sweet event. Every year the week of her birthday they would visit the graves of those lost and then the weekend after would celebrate Chloe's birthday. Mike always tried to separate the two activities, although they were always inevitably connected.

They sat with that in silence for a while.

Then Sam braved his question.

"Mike" Sam began "I know you don't like talking about it, but I just have to ask …the night of the accident…"

Mike's body stiffened.

"I just…I just have to know" Sam continued "… about…the other driver"

"Sam" Mike's warning tone subtle, but present.

"Anything…anything you remember…" Sam exhorted, ignoring the signal to stop whilst he was ahead.

"Why is it so important to you?" Mike asked, his eyes narrowed and face saddened.

"Why do you avoid it?" Sam asked

"Because I'm trying to keep things together for Chloe…do you know how hard it is to see her grow with knowing…that the day she was born was the day her mom died? I just like to leave the past where it belongs…in the past"

"But our lives are shaped by those events in the past… we can't escape it"

Mike shook his head. "I have to focus on the positives"

"Why don't you like talking about the other driver?" Sam pushed "That night…was it so bad?"

The thought had Sam's stomach churning but he had to keep going.

Mike turned his head away from Sam. Sam furrowed his brow at his response, sensing his deep avoidance, as his eyes looked out on the garden away from Sam. He thought about the accident and Mike's involvement as a doctor on the scene, going to each car in turn seeing the casualties, calling for help, his wife also a casualty. It would have been devastating. He would have to known something about the other driver.

"Mike?" Sam urged.

"Please enough Sam!" Mike demanded his eyes hard.

Then Sam thought about his dreams. That the possibility that the other driver was Mercedes. Given Mike's response the thought terrified Sam.

Sam remembered talking to Mike about his dreams, about a Mercedes Jones, Mike never said anything at the time about her, he said he didn't know anyone by that name. It was probably not even her…maybe Sam was losing his grip on reality… but still he was compelled to confront it, he had to know, either way.

"Mercedes Jones" Sam said out loud.

Mike closed his eyes uncomfortably on hearing the name again, which made Sam grow more anxious at what it could mean.

"Mercedes Jones" Sam elaborated slowly "Was the other driver"

Mike finally opened his eyes and looked at Sam for a moment, his eyes somewhat red, then he nodded.

"But—" Sam said "Before… …I … you said you didn't know…every time… all this time…why?"

"It's complicated" Mike replied "I'm a Doctor I can't just-"

"I thought I was going crazy…with those dreams" Sam stated and shook his head as the news that had been hovering above him, now crashed over him with its confirmation.

"They were just dreams, Sam" Mike said, his attempt at being reassuring instead sounded condescending.

Sam gave Mike a pointed look in response comment and stood up.

"Wait…Sam…I didn't mean it like that…" Mike tried to clarify

Sam replied, exhausted and irate "Every time …you were just sitting there the whole time and you knew all along who she was…who I was dreaming about…you could have at least just said that much"

"I thought it was some latent bereavement thing…" Mike explained, "I couldn't say why you were dreaming about her…I didn't even understand how you picked up her name… no one ever said anything to you about the driver...I couldn't even if I wanted to… but still… It just wasn't right to have you stuck on it like that…you became so focused on it…I was worried you'd be chasing a mirage…you've been through enough as it was…"

"I kind of get it…but I also kind of don't…" Sam shook his head, unsure that staying was going to be productive at this point "I need to go"

Sam clenched his jaw taking one last look at Mike as he turned to leave.

"… Tell Tina I said good night" Sam called and made his way out.

"Sam…" Mike called to his back as he continued to walk away.

X

As Sam drove home his mind and heart turned frantically. The confirmation that Mercedes Jones existed in his world, combined with the fact that she was involved in the accident and that Mike had known all this time and not told him weighed heavily on him.

Mike didn't want him to be chasing a mirage, but he had been. He'd been focused and stuck with it anyway. Maybe it would have helped him to know had he known sooner about Mercedes.

Sam shook his head sadly, realising that she was another casualty of that night.

Sam's heart sunk.

He thought about seeing her in the hospital in his dreams.

Then it hit him properly, in a way that he probably knew deep inside if he had thought about more deeply earlier.

It would have been the Mercedes of his world, her car, that would have lost control, her car that would have crashed the one his family was in, the crash that killed his mom, dad and brother and left Stacey orphaned.

He had hoped it was not true. He had hoped that there was still some mix up in his mind about Mercedes' role, that maybe it was still possible it was not her. But his conversation with Mike confirmed it.

Sam continued to drive home, letting that realisation sink in.

X

"_Please you're not safe here… just get inside your car" he began to push Mercedes towards her limousine. _

_It was all it took for the chain of events to unfold and once again, ending as it always did._

_X_

Sam opened his eyes, letting the air flow in and out of his lungs as he lay awake in bed. His body felt bruised emotionally from what had transpired at Mike's earlier.

He sniggered. He did not really know what to expect, but it would seem that his knew knowledge did not seem to have put the dreams of Mercedes to rest.

Then again, after all he had experienced with her, in his dreams, why should they?

So what about the Mercedes of his dreams? He wondered. Was she a ghost?

She had once told him he had died, but what if she was the one confused and she had died. He recalled Puck's comments again about forgiveness.

The dreams still felt real to him.

The thing is, even telling Mercedes his version of events, did not affect what she saw. Maybe they were just different. Could he still believe that she was still in a parallel alternative world to his own?

The truth was though he didn't know for sure.

He thought about his dreams of Mercedes and the visions he'd seen of her. Whether or not it was a spirit or an alternative reality or just his mind, the recurring dreams of her getting shot were clearly not going anywhere. _This _Mercedes was still in apparent danger.

Whatever had really happened or not, he could not risk ignoring it.

He needed to find a way to work out what was going on. Who was trying to shoot her and why? How could he find out?

Sam thought about his dreams of being able to finally touch and hold Mercedes. It was like he was getting stronger somehow in those dreams, more powerful in what he could do in her world.

He remembered the articles on lucid dreaming he'd been reading about and decided to try to return to those, maybe he could try again, to become present in those dreams and decided to read them again.

X

"_Too late?" her confused glassy brown eyes looked back at him._

"_Please you're not safe here… just get inside your car" he began to push Mercedes towards her limousine. _

_The body guards grabbed Sam once again, the sharp pain of their fingers pressing in his shoulders was reminding him. He'd been here before so many times. It would happen now. He would be helpless to stop it. _

_But this time he realised he could do something different. _

_With all the strength he could muster he looked up into the crowd, instead of at Mercedes. Looking in the direction of where the shots would fire._

_The crowd was agitated and confused by Sam's presence._

_Then it happened. The first shot. Sam scanned the crowd. Then the second shot fired, he noticed a man in a black jacket and a cap, moving out of the panicked crowd. He looked familiar. His shaved head and brown eyes seemed to sense he was being watched as he looked in Sam's direction. _

"_Noah" Sam said quietly to himself._

_Noah looked back from across him, making eye contact with Sam before blending away._

X

Sam parked his car at the RJ estate for another day at work. As he exited his car his phone buzzed.

"Hey Sam, this is Artie" Artie was an old college friend who worked as private investigator.

"Oh hey Artie- did you find anything?"

"Sorry. It's like he just disappeared off the planet. All I got is that after college he joined the army... but after that I got nothing."

"Nothing at all?" Sam emphatically

"…He's like a ghost…most people had only ever met him once or twice…then that's it.."

"When I met him he said he was an analyst … you didn't get anything from that? Parents? Family?"

"I got nothing…its like he fell from the sky and disappeared again" Artie sighed "I'm sorry Sam"

"It's ok…you tried…thanks Artie"

"No problem"

Sam hung up. Noah Puckerman remained as elusive as ever.

X

_Sam watched as Mercedes entered into her car. She was shining brightly and looked excited and so happy. Noah was there with her, saying something to her as she got in._

_Sam walked up the street, curious._

_He saw them hug and Puckerman shut the door with Mercedes inside, waving her off. Sam called out to him as the car drove off._

"_Noah!"_

_Noah turned around in response._

"_You again" Noah rolled his eyes._

"_So you can hear me" Sam affirmed, Noah look briefly at Sam before turning away from him, freezing as Sam added "I know what you're going to do" _

"_You mean you think saw something.." Puck clarified, his expression laced with disregard as he turned back around to Sam "Which you have no idea about"_

"_Don't mess around with me Puck" Sam warned, clenching his jaw and fist. _

"_You're the one who needs to stop messing around SAM" Noah face boring hard back at him._

"_She trusts you…" Sam argued "How can you her betray her like that?"_

"_I'm helping her" Noah said slowly, like he was talking to a five year old. "Look, you've done enough damage now"_

"_How the hell is this helping her?" Sam was getting incensed " What are you a psychopath?"_

"_Not everything is at it seems Sam" he said calmly, like he was doing Sam a favor by speaking to him "Now..just back off and let me do what I have to do"_

_Sam grabbed Noah's jacket "I'm not letting you harm her"_

_Noah looked down at Sam's hand._

"_Get your hands off of me" Noah said his voice still calm, but his tone menacing._

"_Not until you explain what you mean" Sam's green eyes stared hard at Puck, his tone of voice matching Noah's._

_Noah sighed and shook his head. "You won't understand" _

"_Probably not…" Sam tightened his grip _

_Noah sighed._

"_Let go of me first"_

_Sam let go. Noah adjusted his jacket and looked at Sam._

"_This world you're in... it's a world between worlds…between life and death…an interworld… when people aren't ready or able to move on…this is where they come… …its built up of everyone's collective memories and consciousness of everyone who's alive or ever lived… sometimes people meet loved ones who've passed here… when people who are alive enter into a deep sleep…they come here …sometimes they remember.. Oftentimes they don't... but you Sam …you are a problem"_

"_A problem? What do you mean?" Sam probed._

"_Time for most people from your world is a straight line you're born you live…you die… this world isn't always like this…for Mercedes…she's living a loop… a circle…round and round…she needs to break out of it…but every time you come…and she sees you…you hold her back"_

"_Hold her back? From what?" Sam asked puzzled though he soon realised what the answer might be as Noah sighed._

"_Moving on…some how you and her have become linked…and that's holding her back…every time… it's stopping her from realising…"_

"_Where she is?" Sam finished Noah's sentence._

"_She sees what she wants to see…when she's ready she'll see the whole picture…but she can't stay here Sam… it's not right for any one to be stuck like…like this…"_

"_But why shoot her?" Sam asked "..She's already been through one awful experience…why make her relive this over and over…why not just tell her?"_

"_She has to see it for herself…I've been trying to help her realise…encourage her to live the life she wanted in the hope that she could reach some sense of acceptance" Noah explained "But you're presence has confused her…so I've had to play along… do you know she still waits for you?…She finally reaching a place of acceptance… I need to get her to realise now…I can't let her get lost completely… she needs something to break her out"_

"_How do I know that you're not just a delusional killer? Why is this your responsibility anyway?" Sam raised his eyebrow sceptically at Noah.._

"_We all have our burdens to carry" Noah sighed._

"_That's…..there's got to be a better way …" Sam shook his head "How do you know she's even ready …I mean what if shooting her is causing the loop…isn't this about forgiving herself?…isn't that what you told her? _

"_Sam…you're time's up here. I have to go now" Puck's voice hardening again "You asked me to explain and I have… stay out of my way now"_

"_Puck! Wait!" Sam insisted "You can't-"_

_With one strike of his fist, Puck knocked Sam out, sending him collapsing on to the floor hitting the tarmac._

_X_

Sam woke up, his head pounding. He nursed the side of his temple with his hand. Noah's words spinning in his mind along with the throbbing sensation in his head.

Sam did not know if he could trust what he'd heard. Was Mercedes really living life in a loop since the accident? Was she really stuck until she accepted what happened? Then again, what did he know?

Sam thought about Mercedes and the accident again.

Her issues was about forgiving herself, about realising and moving on.

Sam wondered if he had moved on.

If this Mercedes was the same Mercedes who was involved in the accident, could he accept that she could have had a role in the deaths of his family and Mike's family?

Did he blame her?

Sam thought about it. He was shocked at first. Upset maybe. But he was not upset or angry with her, nor did he blame her in any way. If he wanted her to feel remorse it was clear that she was torturing herself about it as it was. She was already punishing herself- and needlessly.

For one thing he never blamed the other driver, partly because of the accident report but also he also believed in what his mom had always taught him about acceptance and forgiveness. But deep down it was because he knew for sure she was not to blame. He just knew, even if it was not clear to her or how.

But most of all, deep in his heart it was because he loved her more than any grudge or sense of blame and anger towards her he could ever have. He loved her more than all of that. Maybe there was some weird twisted sense of fate in that. So be it. He loved Mercedes.

Sam smiled at that thought.

He loved Mercedes.

The admission relieving him a little.

The problem was that if Mercedes was a lost soul, and he had been holding her back, if he was to let go… Would he now have to face the possibility of losing her forever?

Was Sam really stopping her from moving on?

His dreams of Mercedes had been going on for the last two years, but based on what Puck was saying she had been experiencing this over and over for years, ever since the accident. How was that possible?

Yet Puck's plan still scared Sam. Should he really sit back and watch her get hurt and do nothing to stop it?

But what if it was true that intervening made things worse?

Sam wished he could know what he should do, if only he could go back to sleep and find her again.

"Please…please help me get back to her" he prayed himself to sleep

X

_Sam opened his eyes, the tarmac hard against his face, his head throbbed as he took in his view of the evening street turned on its side._

_He picked himself up from the ground, realising that he was here a moment ago talking to Puck. He would need to find Mercedes maybe he could try to tell her and they could work it out._

_He began to run in the direction he remembered the car going in, although he was not really sure where he was going._

_As he came up onto a new street he looked around aimlessly, he always seemed to know where he was going in his previous dreams. How was he so clueless now?_

_The was a chill in the air as he looked around at cars moving through the traffic, at the lights, the bare trees lining the streets, the glass fronts of shops and people milling about. He looked about aimlessly, shivering a little from the cold, his head still throbbing. Then he saw it, a large billboard image of Mercedes, her hands on her hips, looking to the right of her and smiling._

_Sam looked in the direction that Mercedes' image was looking at. He turned in that direction, like it was guiding him, then picked up the pace, realising that he may not have enough time. He ran as fast as he could until he came across another billboard, of a different picture, again he followed the direction of her gaze and ran that way. Another image met him and he ran as fast as he could, reaching the next image that showed him the way. Her smiling in a glittering gown, looking to the next street he'd need to turn into, image after image guiding him, as he ran and ran. He realised the images were like the images he had drawn of Mercedes. He continued to run cutting through the cold air, moving as fast as he could, hoping that he was not just following some fantasy. _

_Then he reached another image of a more demure Mercedes, a scene by a lake staring into the distance, Sam looked around and noticed many the people flocking in a particular direction in the far distance and sprinted towards them._

_Sam's muscles ached as his feet pounded the tarmac, matching the rhythm of his heart against his chest. The crisp autumnal air barely entered into his lungs, after running for what felt like hours. The crowds were building and his pace slowed as he started impatiently squeezing past people. _

"_Excuse me... sorry…thank you" he found himself saying constantly as he edged his way through the mass of individuals._

_His head was throbbing again and he could feel he was losing time. The nearer he reached his destination, the more the crowd seemed to swell._

"_Oh God please don't let it be too late" he sighed_

_Steadily manoeuvring his way into the centre he could see the car she would enter into._

_She was already there, dressed in a sparkling sapphire gown with a white shawl over her shoulders, signing autographs, waving to individuals in the crowd._

_At this point he would have called her name out loud, trying to get her attention.._

_He would have shouted from the top of his lungs and rushed to meet her, to warn her._

_But he stopped him self._

_Sam looked through the crowd to see if he could see Noah. _

_He scanned through the blur of fans calling out for Mercedes as she continued to sign autographs._

_So many faces smiling and cheering excitedly. Sam wondered who these people were. Where they even real?_

_Then he saw him. Noah standing towards the side. His eyes trained on Mercedes. The zip of his jacket half undone, though closed over his chest, one of his hands was hidden within the jacket._

_Sam felt a sickening shudder knowing what he was concealing. He moved through the crowds, towards Noah._

"_I told you to back off Sam" Noah said as Sam approached him. _

"_I can't let you do this to her" Sam persisted "there has to be a better way"_

"_This is the only way" Noah was resolute "You can't keep doing this to her"_

_Sam hesitated. What if Noah was right ? What if this was what she needed? Sam did never wanted to hold her back from wherever she was meant to be…but he didn't want to risk her getting hurt either… which one was hurting her more?_

_Noah swiftly pulled out his pistol and fired the shots._

_Sam's gaze darted to Noah than to Mercedes as she fell to the floor. He wanted to dash straight to her, but Noah pulled him back and shook his head at Sam._

_Sam looked at Noah. He was torn. _

_This time she would be none the wiser about Sam's presence, maybe it was for the best. Maybe not seeing him really would protect her from getting confuse, as Puck had said. Maybe she would be allowed to move on and rest now._

_Sam watched as she was surrounded by her entourage trying to help her._

"_I'm sorry Mercedes" he whispered tearfully "I hope you really do find your peace now"_

_He took one last look at her, on the carpet, the stars in the clear night sky seem to fall downwards, the world around grew brighter and began to spin intensely._

X

Sam sat up in bed, inhaling deeply into the vacant space in his chest.

Was that it? He wondered. Was that the end?

He hoped that she was able to move on now, that it was true what Noah had said that by not approaching her and letting events unfold, he had not confused her, stopping her from getting where she needed to go

Sam sighed, the growing pain in his chest pricking on him. He could feel himself miss her already.

He hoped that he too would be able to move on.

How do mourn someone you never had? Someone you didn't know existed?

He stared numbly into the space in front of him.

X

_Mercedes lay on the carpet. The shock and impact of the bullet tearing through her suddenly had left her immobile. But she knew now, it was her time to go. It was the way it had to be._

_The silly thing was, as she lay there on the carpet the sensation in her body disappearing, all she could think about was Sam._

_She imagined him there with her. _

_She remembered he had warned her about this._

"_I guess he never managed to come," she concluded to herself. _

_It was ok, she thought. She remembered the last time she saw him and smiled at the memory of his kiss followed by their last conversation. At least now I get what I deserve, she thought._

_A swirling light surrounded her as everything around her seemed to disintegrate._

_She herself felt like a feather, rising above the clouds. Light spinning all around her. The sweetest of sensations and pleasures tingling in every cell of her body. Lifting her up higher and higher. And just as she was about to completely melt away into the warmth, the sense of freedom and lightness was suddenly torn apart, as if she had been sucked down a vortex, and thrust downwards._

"_Sooner or later you're going to have to make a choice" she heard her mother's voice say._

_X_

**Sorry as I didn't realise how deep and depressing it was getting, but I'm hoping that this is the darkest place we're gonna be in. Thanks for bearing with me!  
**


End file.
